FLATULENCE ON FIRE

2011-12-08T00:07:00.000-08:00

IMAGINE YOUR OWN ADVENCHAH.

Page 1

You're a half-dragon breed. Yes, it's pretty awesome on one note, but it gets pretty depressing when you spurt out live fire when you have a sneezing fit. You have a split tongue too, which would only backfire the teasing, back to you if you were to stick out your tongue to someone.

You have tiny wings to provide you with impermanent flight. Yes, you'd only hover for a certain amount of time, you're still a kid dragon. Horns? Hell-yeah. I think it's one of your most prized possession, your horns are. It's shaped like a crescent and it's tinted in purple hue, while your scales are dark emerald in shade. Epic colour combo? Sure is. You don't have a tail, as retarded as it may seem, you're only a HALF dragon breed, so you have human legs. Don't point you finger at me that your mom fell in love with a full-grown Mountain Dragon which fell upon a curse and became a man after he met with a Shaman. Genes still runs in you. The shaman now charges a ridiculous amount to befell that transformation now, so you're either screwed or blessed.

Page 2.

One fine sunny day, your mom is suddenly in the mood to make her famous mushroom stew of which you admitted to be awesome eventho you swiped your plate clean off to your pet chihuahua. The chihuahua died, and you're the one to blame. Mom thought the constant mini seizures was the Grim Reaper to Chewy. Chewy the chihuahua, now that's a mouthful. The burden of killing your own pet is still upon you, but you'd join her grave too if you were to admit it to Mom. So, in order to not make a fuss, and make excuses on not wanting her to make that stew, you agreed on your mom's order to harvest some Hillshire's Mushrooms to make that said stew. But those 'shrooms aren't just available abundantly, the journey itself is pretty perilous and you don't have a clear idea where Mount Hillshire is. But that's okay, you have a friend to guide you, a fairy. A fat one. A small, fat guy fairy who wears a tutu and have a 5 o'clock shadow to boot. Balding too, and his pits stink. But he has his antennas to locate places, so he's vital for you to not get lost on your way to get the mushrooms.His name is Alfredo. Or, you could always borrow your neighbour's Sniffles, which is a Dogoblin, a mix-breed of a dog, and a goblin. It has excellent sense of smell, to help you track your way to get the mushrooms.

Scroll down to page 3 if you choose Alfredo to be your guide.

Ctrl+F your way to page 4 if you want to choose the Dogoblin.

Page 3.

So you head off with Alfredo to get the mushrooms before dawn. Dum, di dum, di dum, as you stroll out of town with your fat fairy. His antennas would twitch now and then, to sense the direction to Mount Hillshire. But as you peeked closely, you noticed that one of his antennas are cut. You asked him, "Dude, is it just me, or you're left with one antenna now?". He is silent for a while, closed his eyes and raged out "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BIT IT OFF REMEMBER?!, YOU WERE DRUNK ON CHERRY ALE, AND YOU THOUGHT THAT MY ANTENNA WAS A RAT'S TAIL!!". It hit you on your scaly forehead. O' yea. It's a shame that you would get tipsy on a kid's drink, but you're a dragon. You can drink a barrel of beer without even a hiccup, but one kiddy box of Cherry Ale, you would knock yourself out senseless. Out of anger and irrationality, Alfredo lost track of his tracking along the way. He needed to concentrate, you see. You regret on asking about his antenna, but you know this isn't the familiar track to the mountains. It's hard to admit that you're lost. You flutter your wings to check what's ahead and all you see is long stretch of a dusty dessert. The plains are filled with octagonal cacti, colours varying from dark red, to light pink. So, what's your deal? To go on ahead just incase it's a shortcut, or turn back and retrace your footsteps from there?

Ctrl + F to CACTI PLAINS to go on straight

Ctrl + F to REVERSE to go back and do over.

Page 4.

You're not on good terms with Alfredo anyways since that biking incident, and you can't stand his stench too, so you decided to borrow Uncle Gale's Dogoblin, Sniffles. A leash round' her neck and you're set to go. As mean as Sniffles look, she's a gentle one. She has a set of blunt teeth, and would only eat berries and biscuits. You wrap the leash round your hands firmly, as you guide her to the mountains. You took the last remaining Hillshire's Shrooms' from your mom so that Sniffles would sniff it out and trace the way for you. "Arf, Arf!" barked Sniffles as she picked up the scent. You smiled, as you thought it'd be a breeze. Uncle Gale warned you somethin' about somethin', but you were in a hurry so you didn't pay much attention to him. You just want to get those mushrooms by dawn. As painful as it is to think that you have to stuff the mushrooms down your throat later, as you know it tastes like peas and liver. The most lethal combination of flavours in the history of delicacies. But o' well, whatever that makes Mom happy.

You walked and walked, and you've covered quite some distance. Sniffles is panting slightly, she looks hungry. You checked your pockets and you thank the Heavens, there's a packet of cinnamon biscuits you didn't finish earlier. "Here Sniffles, get'cho noms." She munched down in delight and her pace from there on seems more energetic. But you know that's not enough. You promised to stop by and feed her if you see a bush of berries afterwards.

As you go on ahead, you thank the Heavens again, there are two bushes bearing berries healthily. But they look unfamiliar, however they look tasty enough for a mutt to munch on. There are two, one is small and slightly spiky but not sharp enough to slit a throat, and is orange in colour. You randomly name it the Spiky Sunset. The other one is deep black and spiral in shape. You call it the Spiral Blackhole. Which one would you feed Sniffles, you indecisive smut?

Ctrl + F SPIKY SUNSET or, the SPIRAL BLACKHOLE.

CACTI PLAINS.

O' well, you thought. Maybe this is a new route to the mountains, and it's always refreshing to see new sights. You dragged Alfredo along, and you managed to calm him down by giving him cinnamon biscuits you found wedged in your pocket. You're not naked, just to make it clear to some who's imagining it wrongly. All wardrobe implications are subjective. After the biscuits, Alfredo is now in full gear, and you'd watch your words from now on as you know Aflredo is Mr. Touchy-Me-Not. It's hard to walk by the sands and it's sinking you down. So you dcided to fly over the plains. You flutter your wings as hard you can, and there you are, airborne. But remember, you are only hovering. As your flight gets lower, and you get nearer to one of the cacti, and to your surprise, it bounces you off like a trampoline once you hit it. It's not sharp at all, and it's consistency is like a jelly's. You have an idea, instead of walking heavily through the damp sands, it's better off to bounce off from one cactus to another. Alfredo thought it's a stupid idea, so he just flew along. WHEEEEeee~, as you bounce off from one jello-like plant to the other, to the other, to the other, to the other. "-_-" is smudged on Alfredo's face as you do so. But it's okay, he's missing all the fun. Alfredo is such a sour puss. But you do not dare say it to his face, as he might throw another fit.

You're right, it IS a shortcut to the mountains. To your luck, you see a faint outline of Mount Hillshire upfront as you bounce in further. And the fact that Alfredo is silent about your decision to go forwards is that, he knew deep down, that you two are on the right track too. So, hooray.

CTRL+F = FUCKYEAH

REVERSE.

You think it's not such a good idea to follow on an unfamiliar route so you decided to go back and do over. But you're already lost in the first place, so even tracking back would only lead you deeper into Lostville. The antennas that Alfredo bears, would be able to track backwards too, but since one it cut, it's not that efficient. He shrugged his shoulders as a sign that he's not too sure too. But nevermind, your dragon guts tells you that it won't be that hard. You go deeper and deeper into your route, til' what seemed like a set of thin threes and bits of bushes, gradually turns into a full-grown forest. It gets darker too, not for the fact that the sky is dawning black, but the canopy of the forest is getting thicker, and thicker. You take a piece of wood, set it on fire with your dragon breath, and a torch is ready to guide you out. But all you see, around you, are trees, and more trees. Light is getting more faint, and more faint as you scuffle you way through. Alfredo is already crying, the pink tutu shall indicate that he's afraid of measly things like, darkness. As you go in deeper, you see a swamp, a musty old swamp, with decaying roots piercing through the surface. But you see light at the end of the swamp, thus an exit. What are you gonna do now? Stay at the same spot, or swim through the swamp to get to the other side?

CTRL+F ;

STAY

SWAMP

SPIKY SUNSET

You decided to feed her the Spiky Sunset. They look much tastier than the dull-coloured Spiral Blackhole anyhoo. "OM NOM NOM". The juice of the berries splattered a bit to your arms, as she chomped down on those berries. And to your horror, it's corrosive on your scales. Your scales bubble up, and fizzle along a very sharp pain. Your eyes bulge up. If this reacts like this on hard scale, imagine how it'd be on poor Sniffl- too late. As you avert back your eyes to Sniffles, she's already on her back, rolling in despair. Her mouth is foaming in red. Blood. And foam, leaks out from the poor mutt's mouth. Her eyes are contrasting to white and her barks are weak. Not too long, until her barks are heard no more. and her eyes - her dead eyes just stares back at you.

CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU HAVE MURDERED ANOTHER PET, YOU TWISTED PIECE OF SHIT.

Being lost in the middle of nowhere with a dead dog to guide you, and the possibility of being murdered by Uncle Gale if you manage to find your way back ; you are eternally screwed. Uncle Gale knows about how you fed Chewy the mushrooms too. O' whelp.

THE END.

SPIRAL BLACKHOLE

You take a healthy bunch of the Spiral Blackhole's with one hand and give it to Sniffles. She seems to like it, as she chomps them down in such glee. You take another helping of the berries, and bend down to feed her some more. But something's not right with how Sniffles is eating those berries. Normally, she'd have a small bites and eat them softly in such good manner. But, she's chomping those berries like she's chowing down a piece of juicy meat vigorously. Maybe the berries are that good you thought. But you're wrong. The thing Uncle Gale tried to warn you is that, do NOT feed her berries that you are CURRENTLY feeding her. Why? It'd awaken her carnivorous side and would switch an innocent mutt, to a ferocious fuck-you-up. The berries are that good because it is DRAGON-MEAT FLAVOURED. WHAT ARE THE ODDS, YOU ARE HALF-DRAGON AFTERALL. Sniffles took a scent of the mushroom earlier, and took a sniff of your smell too. Her eyes turns blood red, and her fangs are now like knives, embedded in between foamy gums. You try to take flight and run from the murderous mutt but o' boy, the berries would turn her super agile too. She chases you, although you're flying. No - you're hovering. It won't be long til' you fall into her longing jaws. You drop feet-first, and that's the first thing Sniffles rip off. You drag yourself away with your arms, unable to walk. But what's good a dragon with a missing leg to propel oneself. I am sorry, but you are now dog chow.

Uncle Gale lost an arm thanks to the berries you fed her. And he fed Sniffles ONE measly berry. You gave Sniffles a HANDFUL Thus, you're down to an eyeball.

THE END.

STAY

You decided to stay. The swamp looks nasty anyhoo. Maybe if you circle around the swamp, you'd find yourself an exit too. So you do just that, as you track yourself around the swamp, in hope of meeting an exit. Little did you know, the swamp is one of the biggest swamp in whole of Giul (your world). So trying to trace the swamp seem endless, and the sky's turning black too. In mixture on how thick the canopy is, your plain of sight is reduced significantly to a pitch black. U'oh, what now. Your torch is useless, as it'd only highlight two steps ahead of you. The THIRD step ahead is out of your vision, and that's exactly what you are stepping on.

ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

That doesn't sound too welcoming. Congratulations, you have stepped on the tail on a very deadly Gnarlbacker. Your torch highlights two things before you are met with your inevitable doom. VERY, SHARP FANGS, and EIGHT eyes to ensure you that the beast can see you wherever you decide to run to.

THE END.

SWAMP.

INSTANT DEATH

The End.

FUCKYEAH

You are now at the foot of Mount Hillshire. It's a sight to admire, with pine trees adorning the side-skirts of the hills, and a waterfall, rushing through branch-like trails. Climbing is an easy chore for a dragon with gripping claws like you, you lucky son of a gun you. So, you climb merrily to the top. The mushrooms aren't on the summit, so you don't have to climb all the way up. Along the way, your eyes are met with a cavern. Do you want to make a pit-stop to the cavern, or waste no time and continue climbing upwards?

Scroll down to CAVERNS or CTRL+F ; UPWARDS.

CAVERNS.

You decided to enter the caverns, and what a sight to behold, the mushrooms are abundant. You pick them up and put them in your basket. Yes, you were a carrying a basket along. Telling you too early will make you think that this is some gay Red Riding Hood and make you stop reading, but since you're already this far into the ADVENCHAH, it's too late to turn back is it. IS IT.

Anyways, yes the basket. It's filled with the mushrooms your mom asked for. As unrealistic as the chore is, you've made it. THE EN - BUT WAIT, A long tongue suddenly stretches from the dark depth of the cave and wraps itself around you, making your basket to tumble downhill. AH FUCK. Not only that, you've managed to disturb the nest of the great Rapture, a snake the size of a hut. And you're only in the size ratio of a rat. Alfredo? He's outside, he's afraid of the dark. Pink Tutu = scared of gay things. But being gay saved him, you're not gay. You're a proud, manly, dragon. Too bad, to boast about that is too late as the tongue pulls you in. Stomach acid is the death of you my boy.

THE END.

UPWARDS

"It's almost dawn, better hurry the fuck up.", you thought. As you climb up 1/4 of the mountains, you can already see a flat bedding of grass waiting for you ahead. Ah, the mushrooms should be there, you whisper to yourself. You climb, and climb more upwards, your claws are becoming sore. But, the mushrooms are already almost within reach, so you march on ahead.

After several more push, you manage to pull over yourself up, to the spot where the mushrooms should be. To your dismay, the plains are empty. It can't be anywhere else, they should be here. The summit would be too cold for the mushrooms to grow there.

It's dawn. It's time to go back. You carry along home, with an empty basket. As you reach home, you see one of your neighbours gardening and you decided to drop by and say "Sup."

And he replied "Sup".

"What are you tending for?"

"Hillshire mushrooms".

"O."

As your soul empties your abdomen, and you shrink to a speck knowing all the walking and climbing proved to be a waste.

So, should you ask for some or go on home with an empty basket?

Scroll down for CANIHAVESOME, or CTRL+F = EMPTY BASKET

CANIHAVESOME

"Can I have some?" .

"Sure", smiled your friendly neighbour. "They started growing here since my pet started shitting in the backyard". That is why they taste like a pile of em'. I grow em just to make my yard look nice. But sure you can have some."

You laugh hesitantly at pet-shitting part, and put some in your basket.

You go home, and you give the whole basket to your mom and you're only rewarded with a hug.

All of that, be paid with only a hug, yeap.

A hug, and a nasty dinner. And suddenly, the thought of your neighbour's pet taking a dump in his backyard crosses your head, and your eye bulges O_O.

THE END.

EMPTY BASKET.

You decided to just go home with an empty basket, with reasons I cannot fathom knowing the mushrooms are just right there. But hey, it's your own ADVENCHAH, right?. Anyhoo, you go home with an empty basket, and part ways with Alfredo who wants to sleep like a slob like he is. Nevermind, he's tired. You're tired.

As you enter the house with a basket sighing out dust, your mom shouts

WHERE ARE THE MUSHROOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A knock to the head, and a benjol later, you are served with a hamburger. A fat, juicy hamburger with a healthy serving of pickles. O' well, this is infinitely better than the mushroom stew anyhoo. So, your mum's angry smug vs. the hamburger,you tell me.

THE END.

Kidnapped Napkins Napping A Nap.

2011-07-30T23:49:00.000-07:00

MOVE THE FUCK OUT

Do not mind the previous few posts, of which I wrote when I was eligible to be strapped in a straightjacket and be shoved in an asylum.

I am sane, or maybe partly, who am I, to evaluate oneself. Who is anyone, who'd try to judge oneself with no third-party judge.

The victim of flawed self-esteem, I am. This particular post is just to welcome back myself with a working head. No longer, with loose nuts and bolts in the skull.

Personally, I think my English is rotting fast. Like food, you'd think of making it to be leftovers for tomorrow, but instead ; you forgot to put the lid on. Or in my case, I forgot to practice writing, and read more.

I feel drained lately too. This sucks. I wish to be in a better frame of life soon.

Please Lord.

SK84LAIF

2011-06-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

IZ GOOS'D FOUR YEW

Some would skate to not just give a fuck.

DUCK.

Some would skate to destroy things.

BUT WHAT d00d? THE WHOLE WORLD IS YOUR SKATEPARK.

PIZZA PAWNS PRAWNS IN PORN

2011-06-24T03:29:00.003-07:00

PIZZA PARTY UP THIS BITCH

At this point in time, there's NO LONGER a STURDY proportion to the word RANDOM.

What is random, is what's funny. And what's funny, is when you laugh. AND WITH THAT SENTENCE ALONE ; I HAVE, will, was, were, would forever be TIME-WARPING.

I am at a state, of KNOWING EVERYTHING, without even doing ANYTHING.

Thus, GOOGLE (yes, your office is awesome ; you better let me enter it one day or the other).

DERP.

ANYHOO.

Imagine life to have infinite loopholes, of KNOWING you are particularly good-looking ; IS ENOUGH to let someone KNOW, of SOMETHING.

I am in Malaysia, and I am CAPABLE of engineering a silent nuclear bomb without wanting to even detonate it.

THUS, A BUILDING IS SAVED.

What is this bullcrap that has been stinkin' up the whole of INDIA.

A REAL MAN, would use that, to let it dry that under the sun, to make a slightly-smelly poop which in turn would turn into clay.

PEOPLE LIVING UNDER THOSE DOMES ; without having the slightest hint that it's COW POOP that they're living in because it's been in a slushy swirly mix of CEMENT.

SO, WHEN IT'S A NICE HOUSE TO LIVE IN ; along with the swirly swishy mixture of (STOP THINKING) of that, thus that.

I am NOT God, I WILL NEVER CLAIM THAT I AM.

Because with what I've learned, with WHAT, I HAVE GONE THROUGH ; I'd know by a hunch, the slightest one at that TO KNOW ; the kind that would think death means the complete obliteration of my soul OR, to think someone was/is/were/will think of me in the present, past, future.

I AM HERE, TO KNOW, THAT I HAVE BEEN TO PLACES THAT I LOVE GOING.

(not you, sorry)

BUT, I CAN SENSE ALL ATOMS AND QUARKS OF ALL LIVING THINGS - I know.

Psychic, and SIDE-KICK ; are TWO different words ; and THEY CARRY meanings so vastly different that I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT (or even two) on parties that I don't even need to go. WHILE I WAS THERE ; meanwhile derp is derping derpz.

HI.

The end.

2011-06-24T03:29:00.000-07:00

PIZZA PARTY UP THIS BITCH

At this point in time, there's NO LONGER a STURDY proportion to the word RANDOM.

What is random, is what's funny. And what's funny, is when you laugh. AND WITH THAT SENTENCE ALONE ; I HAVE, will, was, were, would forever be TIME-WARPING.

I am at a state, of KNOWING EVERYTHING, without even doing ANYTHING.

Thus, GOOGLE (yes, your office is awesome ; you better let me enter it one day or the other).

DERP.

ANYHOO.

Imagine life to have infinite loopholes, of KNOWING you are particularly good-looking ; IS ENOUGH to let someone KNOW, of SOMETHING.

I am in Malaysia, and I am CAPABLE of engineering a silent nuclear bomb without wanting to even detonate it.

THUS, A BUILDING IS SAVED.

What is this bullcrap that has been stinkin' up the whole of INDIA.

A REAL MAN, would use that, to let it dry that under the sun, to make a slightly-smelly poop which in turn would turn into clay.

PEOPLE LIVING UNDER THOSE DOMES ; without having the slightest hint that it's COW POOP that they're living in because it's been in a slushy swirly mix of CEMENT.

SO, WHEN IT'S A NICE HOUSE TO LIVE IN ; along with the swirly swishy mixture of (STOP THINKING) of that, thus that.

I am NOT God, I WILL NEVER CLAIM THAT I AM.

I AM HERE, TO KNOW, THAT I HAVE BEEN TO PLACES THAT I LOVE GOING.

(not you, sorry)

BUT, I CAN SENSE ALL ATOMS AND QUARKS OF ALL LIVING THINGS - I know.

HI.

The end.

-

2011-06-17T11:34:00.001-07:00

I'm in the mood for murder.

THE HAMMURGER

Slice buttocks as buns.

1/2 BRAIN RELISH

DICKS AS PICKLES.

FINGERS FOR FRIES.

and ketchup.

DONE
AND

DERP

2011-06-14T01:57:00.000-07:00

CAPTAIN HOOK ON HIS DECK
(what happened to Peter Pan tho?)

I can live on my own,

When all threads have been clearly sown.

I do not care on mediocrity.

This prick, is electricity.

Have a blast of the past.

I am now a stranger, I'm okay with being last.

AW.

SHUT UP.

DEATH DANCES ON DERPIAN'S DRIPS DERPS

2011-06-12T18:27:00.000-07:00

WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED, DOING THE SPLIT HURTS THE BALLS LIKE NO ONE'S BUSINESS

Let me on a little story. I AM NOT a KID anymore. THE DISGUSTING things you guys would do TO DETERMINE, who belongs to whom and who's not.

WOMB.

Cigarettes ; or fags as we like to call em'

They'd only plan to do this and that to KNOW what AM I holding BEHIND bars.

If they want the SECRET so bad. THEY NEED TO KNOW, respect is bought ; not EARNED.

The greatest commandments of war ; THEY DO NOT DIE.

Black and white? Grainy videos? Broken I-PHONES?

YERP ; it's the energy they have been put on hold since the BEGINNING of TIME.

My senses are so keen, I can KILL with just a single strand of a thread.

PIANOS? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You fags wants to grow up so fast that ; you don't even know how to operate one without having the VINE WIRES, be snapping to catch you IN a GRAND PIANO

HAHAHAH. You LOST me again.

Hide and seek? COUNT TO A MILLION. Then ONLY, I'd be there.

I have a secret.

I used to be so broke, til' this "MOM" of mine TRIES to take all from me.

I do not show mercy, I do not show remorse.

I NOW, how one looks like and how one would die, by JUST looking at em.

MARRIED TO THE MUSIC? DUDE. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.

Paranoierps, will forever be that.

I AM NOT CRAZY, and I AM NOT INSANE.

IN ORDER ; to be sane. You must get IN, the SANE PLAIN. Which ALL of you SINNERS ; woul be teleported to as we speak.

You can't handle heat. You can't handle ANYTHING.

Ingredients of a faggot ;

DUDES THAT JUST CAN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP.

We've all been bred with blood, to be pure. THUS ; you guys not getting any pussy since FOREVER.

I WON BY JUST TYPING.

You lost by trying so many times and not just gonna any.

HERMHERMHERM.

Sup.

I know.

I can't skate now. I have a vision, that if I do ; MY BONES WILL BE BROKEN.

Where they'd use it like chalk, to crush us and existence. Thus that.

THIS IS THE DAY TO STAY INDOORS. BUT, skaters that can LIVE with the heat. THEY SHALL.

So, I ain't going nowhere TIL' I SAY SO.

I am at home, sucking a fag and be drink'n wa'r.

GO!

- derp

Derping derp drilling dibs.

2011-06-10T23:58:00.000-07:00

By death, you would not win.

By debt, you'd not get out clean.

By deaf, you'd not hear blasphemy.

By fleeing, you'd not taste victory.

DERP

Hunged Happiness Halt Hazim HALT

2011-06-04T14:17:00.000-07:00

This is in someone's thought. THUS ;

I am at the point of no remorse. Not entirely that I have given up on emotions, as those are delicate dolls of delicacy (Insert purr'awr'n noises) . Which, would revert myself back to a normal kid who just wants to live his GODDAMNED life, without NO back-prickers [back-packers?] <- FUCK YEAH.

Yerp, I have lived long enough to realize that, I - CAN, live without a phone, or phones. Just as long, I am not removed from all existence (which, at this point in time ; someone would toast on my death).

What's hickkity-hiccup'y funny is that ; you CAN'T kill a person. If you slit, a throat. It'd be alive, no matter WHAT. Even when the crimson river, would flow out of someone's meat-case ; it'd form whatever, in that split-second of somewhat ; serenity. (Necrophiliacs, are different tho). Because at that point in time, the SOUL, would embark on a different level of consciousness. Because, you JUST ; can't die.

Let's look at it this way, you slaughter chickens ; and they become niggers' favourite post-sweat'n munchies. THAT, doesn't MEAN, that chickens would be GONE, from existence.

Cannibalism, is the WORST. They'd, be SO curious on HOW would human flesh tastes like, he/or she would start self-mutilation. Then, they'd realize ; the meat tickles the taste-bud, in a different dimension. THUS, REAL ; cannibals, would only hunt down sinners, and would put extra salt and pepper, and all that.

GOD, is so MERCIFUL, that ; even the most ruthless act of cannibalism, done by the most merciless of massacre-driven axe-swingin', kitchen knife flingin' chief of particular tribes.

Their sensory organs, would adapt so fast ; that (inversely proportional to the modern society) people would take them as monsters.

And that is when, they smell fear, and humiliation. And the sense of not knowing what to do anymore.

So, they eat other meat for the time being, but that indigestible hunch of munching sweet human flesh (of sinners) would still linger around the air.

Thus, they'd smell fear. And with fear, they'd sense that the victim's shivering.

Let's say, they'd found a girl, getting gang-raped, and be left there all alone. THE CHIEF, would KNOW ; what had happened to her. THUS ; making her the temporary princess of the tribe. Just so, she's protected for the time being.

THIS ; would make tribes smarter, with the girl explaining that there's a LOT of GOOD FOOD, at the other side of town.

And, that is EXACTLY, when PLANES, and CHOPPERS ; would be super-heroes for a day.

"GET TO THE CHOPPAH" - Said Arnold Shwartzhnaniniegrr (sorry)

Thus, the girl ; being the princess of the tribe would later benefit so MUCH to the society ; that the tribe (and the army) <- BOY YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS AROUND WITH THEIR POISONOUS FROG TIPPED ARROWS AND SPEARS

Thus, they'd derp.

Massacre Must Mean Menace

2011-05-18T12:29:00.002-07:00

This guy doesn't get it since whenever he tried.

So, I am back and writing and not giving a shit on not getting invited to parties anymore.

This blog has been dead for the longest time, and you don't even have the tendency to check it from time to time because you're already consumed by greed and greens to even come up with a better point than zero.

And here you are complaining, (Why are you exploiting your sense of grammar to make a legit point)

Music has been around since forever, and it has been trying to tell ONE thing ; it CONNECTS people.

And here you are again, thinking that you know best while you copy-paste lyrics to make your band that should be rooted on a greater basis.

Real artists and musicians should make their records out of inspiration, out of everything else.

At this point in time, your argument is invalid.

Arnold Shwartzmanniiger REALLY thought he WAS, the TERMINATOR.

And now, he's just - Arnold.

Exactly.

I know that, this is a LOT to consume at ONE go, but it has been told by many times ; SIMPLE English makes the best storybooks.

THICK books, are based on THINNER books made easier for little kids to read.

Here you are again, trying to argue my (not that I'm opposing yours, because really ; ALL FEEDBACKS ARE WELCOMED) logic.

Exactly.

Don't you know, we all co-exist on Planet Earth, and Planet Earth alone.

Yes, call me crazy for believing in Mad Hatters riding bunnies with bows and ties and drinking tea and sucking on chocolate sticks.

But, a MOVIE, has got to come from SOMEONE, who OBVIOUSLY went through a LOT to make a legit POINT.

What's the point of arguing when you can't even stare eye to eye, and still tryn'a struggle words out of your breath to AGAIN, argue behind a monitor?

Exactly.

I am not mad, or pissed.

I went through enough, and a LOT, to know the KIND of people that WALKS, Planet Earth.

Here you are again, thinking that ; WITHOUT money, all civilization would crumble to dust.

But dude, we are what we are SINCE, birth. I change my mind from time to time, to pick friends, GOOD friends, that's WILLING, to hear rants and shit (but NOT, going against the EXACT opposite of whatever I'm trying to deliver)

All questions, have been answered from time to time. Trying to prove who gets to sit, and not sharing money, and asking me to do shit for your own liking ; is not exactly right.

Cigarettes DON'T kill you. WE, don't DIE. If, for the LONGEST time, you TRIED (and will forever more TRY) to bring me down.

You will.

Here, have a glass of gossip and more gossip.

And more money to spend on more handbags and more handbags that carries more money and all your beauty products.

I am not a girl. I, don't like to argue with one. Because with silence, the truth would, inevitably delivers itself.

I don't even like debating, but don't point a finger when I sneeze and snicker when you think you've made a valid point.

Because REAL human beings, (but this d00d is just some normal d00d, go get a j0b d00d)

Exactly.

I don't even need to work, I already KNOW what I want to do in life instead of whining about this and that and this and that and would STILL argue a point with me.

I have been called names that are displeasing, but I'm alright with that.

I've been slapped (for reasons I don't even care ANYMORE to fathom) one two many times.

If that's for showing how MANLY you are, sure go ahead.

At this point in time, no conviction would ever go through you and your numbskull.

You have went here and there, to show me this and that, to PRESENT a greater logic that is (was, whatever) original (or normal, or whatever).

Don't you see? I am not capable of hate, I am only capable of putting down judgment on people thinking they know shit when clearly, they just shit to clear out their intestines.

Exactly.

It's not that you're dead, or are you alive. I have just mindfucked you to an optimum level that you don't even know what to say anymore.

So yep, spitt'n buck't. Hunt'n ducks sounds more fun than listening to illogical, la la la la la la la literature.

I am just skin and bones, I am capable of things but irrational hate is not it.

I have been tested for the thousand'th times, and I have given ENOUGH chances to repent.

But it was you, since DAY 1, that TRIED to pull me under.

FOR WHAT EVER FUCKS MAN.

Exactly.

You are in shame, but you are too proud to even admit so. You are in guilt, but you are too courageous to think that ghosts don't exist.

They do.

They, do.

All the victims, you have killed and raped and shit, they DON'T die (for the LAST time)

The human body is capable of SO many things. Those fingers, they could cook and all that shit, and you'd only use that to wipe your snot and pick your nose and chew a booger and repeat.

Sure, call me an Atheist for not BELIEVING in GOD and NOT supporting RIGHTS.

DUDE, RIGHT OR LEFT.

EXACTLY.

YOU ARE/WERE JUST TO BLIND TO SEE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WALKING IN LOOPS AND SHIT.

And why am I not surprised that you are still eating your boogers and is smelling your pointer finger that was just out of your ass-crack.

Somehow or rather, you kinda LIKE the smell.

And now you are,

Exactly.

Derp.

Exactly.

It's not that I was jealous with anyone, I simply compared. I don't look like this because I CHOSE to, it's a FACE I have been masked upon a sturdy skull and a working set of anatomic structure.

Argue with my logic, you're just hesitating.

We ALL got this far, UPON centuries UPON centuries ; HISTORY, was there to keep us in place. (IS STILL ONGOING, AND WILL EVER BE).

It's not that you don't believe in Hell, you went to and fro just to KILL a FRIEND.

Exactly.

I'm sorry guys, you guys are not dead (obviously).

But, this is me signing off with the biggest stamp of shame stamped on your heads.

And I am not surprised, that you will still argue with me, and us.

Sure, go on with your lives thinking movies and games didn't actually come from a legit source.

The war was never about who's right or who's wrong ; It's about what's in your head.

You are what you are, and you're too weak to even command an army as of now.

Exactly.

(AND WHO THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING TYPO-POLICE RIGHT HERE)

Signing off,

DERP

Hate Rates Gate Of Fate

2011-03-02T03:28:00.000-08:00

<@_@>

*(vvv)*

'^^^'

(That above ^ , is supposed to look like a teethy monst'uh)

Writing in my blog after what seemed like four millennia and four days, feels like venturing into a secluded crystal cavern that's pillared by mammoths' fossils with Hieroglyphs engraved on them. I feel both weathered, and inspired. Ancient, but smacked with newly found, significance. New discoveries upon aged artifacts. That contradictory feeling I shall spare no time in elaborating. As if there's a definite, a possible way to do so anyhoo'. There isn't.

Old posts (even the drafts, yep)/pictures dictating how I've been in the past two decades, although incomplete but at least there's a harsh shmarsh-mellows reminder that the past ain't at all obsolete. I'm as careless as the act of balancing a silver tray of delicate tea cups on a loose unicycle.

I've never been on a unicycle.

If I were to keep constant records of myself and all my everyday-average-albeit-awesome-adventures, with a paper and a Kilometrico pen, I'm sure that I'd lose a large portion of em' to the merciless wrath of the washing machine. Turning my writings on paper scraps, once tugged nicely in pockets of jeans, into fluffy lints. All those years written, would go to waste. As something giddy kittens would chase (hint ; the lint <- rhyme intended).

"On a side note, receipts, order forms and spare papers (spare-pers, lowl bowlz) you will not think twice in scrunching them up for target practice, are the best kind to unleash inspiration on, somehow. The absence of fear of ruining an expensive art canvas catalyzes the whole sketching process, I guess. J.K Rowling made Harry Potter up on napkins for Severus's sake.

-Not that I'm a Potter fan'boy, just some scrap of an informative bit gathered from a "Did You Know?" trivia on, uh -somewhere."

So, here's a "Whoop'ee!" for Blogspot!

I'd like to think, this is why being a little sentimental (little? pffscheh~) have it's importance. You, consciously, or subconsciously, keep track of your own singular self. No better evaluator, second to The Creator, of your own super self, other than the owner of those eyes reading this. (y)ep.

To think, I used to write about my birthdays, and how I'd welcome the new year with a red-charactered-carpet before this. But just look at the sad, sad sight of number of posts under the year 2010. That's less than a post per month. That's less than a post per TWO months. It's unheard of to not find the slightest amount of free time as for me, in a month, to actually sit down and let thy' fingers loose.

It's pure, concentrated Procrastination Purée right here. Like a glass of bitter herbal health drink. The hard part is just to attempt to swallow it and to tame the gag reflex. A gulp later, you'd be thinking, "Hey, it ain't that bad" . And, you'd feel good, knowing that the good ol' herbal drink, despite tasting bad, is good for you. There is all to it, feeling good is good for you. Good.

So, here's me trying to write again, taking a cyber sip of that said syrup.

-Good God, do I really have to muster more metaphors on welcoming myself to write, each time. The last few posts are of the similar topic wei. Bleh. Nevermind about that.

It's obvious that I came here without a specific motive. Like an alien that's set on world domination that came with nothing - not even pants. Why don't they ever, wear pants. You have atom-altering laser blasters, but no - pants? . We should trade technology for a day. Just sayin~

As determined as that unprepared little naked Martian, I, too, would dominate this intense urge on clicking the hell out of the red "X" at the upper-right corner of this window. I, WILL- finish this post. This will not rot, in the damned dungeon of drafts.

Where am I going with this post even. I'm like a lost survivor on an exiled island, not giving a steaming shit on a still-working compass I found wedged in between a dead castaway's ribcage. A compass would not call me a rescue boat. Makes a better bait, as a compass is shiny. Edible aquatic creatures are attracted to - shiny things.

This is getting out of hand. Before I'll be mysteriously led to talking on unicorns having multi-coloured tongues, I better put a plug of pause onto this.

If all I wrote doesn't make sense, here's your two sense back. LOLZ GEDDIT.

Kill' next time. Laterz.

They'd still call me young, but I feel like I've been in this skin forever.

Slice The Lice Nicely,

2010-12-04T13:27:00.000-08:00

This is before your birthday gift of height(!)

This is too important to ;
1) Let the days pile on top of each other to get me into the mood of writing.
2) To waddle long round' the waters to wait for the writer's block to lessen down.
3) To have the mental block be banished, BUT to be presented with a situation of not having any outlet to pour this into.

A lesson I should have learned by now, is that ;
CIRCUMSTANCE 1 TO 3 WOULD NEVER COOPERATE.

Thus, Imma write this now, and post it as soon as I'm done. With procrastination in my core. This ought to be a hard task, yes, but I will try.

Wait, let me munch on some Metaphore Bars to get me started...

...K, done.

2/12/2010,

The spell of solitude which have plagued my 20 years of existence, have now finally been lifted. Who would've guessed, a lil' 5 footer (and 1 inch!) possessed such a strength.

Again I say,

Thank you,

<-:<),

A Poked Lip, Pukes Up Prickly Picks.

2010-07-26T15:47:00.000-07:00

It feels like post-Apocalypse in here. You know, like all that's left is an endless, lonely stretch of dusty plains. Decayed ruins scattered meagerly throughout. Life feels scarce. Crows and vultures swarms the air, their shrieks echoing about the dead, brown sky. Silence is deafening, as the harsh wind whistles isolation in your weak ears. Your eyelids force themselves open, to struggle for sight as dry sand keeps sweeping in.

Then, you hear a quick, faint shuffing of the sands. As if there's something that was trying to make a quick escape and hide from you. You swiftly nudge your head to the source of the sound.

A brief moment of complete silence then, suddenly, a small, weary figure pops it's head out, slowly from a cracked wall in one corner.

And that head shivers by the thought of emergence. It then steal glances here and there to see, if there's actually still prying eyes that it thought had died long ago in the gap of prolonged abandonment.

Even if there are a few that's left, it wouldn't know if it shall bring it relief, or add more to the overwhelming paranoia. Would it be welcomed, or would it have it's arse be burned down to smithereens. But "Ahh, what the feck" it thought. It's now or never, and it's been too, too long.

So, it musters every last bit of air to pump it's chest forward out of his safety wall, and slowly brings his frail head, up. The shadows concealing his face, gradually gets lit up as his face motions upward. It then tries to speak, but he was too weak to even let out a squeak of a voice.

You read it's lips, and you barely make out what it's trying to say :

"I was never dead. I was just not alive for a while. Or, I could be a zombie, that you thought you killed in that Undead Apocalypse you've survived. Next time, remember to double tap, bitch."

Then, in a blink of an eye, even before your brain could interpret how lame and unoriginal the sentence was, it jumps right into your face in a one-two motion. A crouch, and a lightning-quick leap...then darkness.

Just pitch, black, darkness.

Nothingness.

You died.

You died a bloody, horrible death. Along with the rest of the remaining few.

Then, silence.

DURR END.

Ahh, feels good to mush a mix of massive metaphores yet again. Instead of making pathetic apologies about how I'd start to keep this blog alive, again, and again. I decided to kill two birds with one giant fireball. I made a little story to both, make something out of the whole "coming-back" situation, and to warm these fingers up.

So, thankyou for to whoever that's left. I bid a very enthusiastic hand-wave.

HI!

Tom's Thumb Is Stuttering From Stamping That Stump.

2010-03-21T13:13:00.000-07:00

Holy sweet raping tentacles of Krakken, it's been forever and one night since I was last here.

HI GU..

:D

:|

This is awkward.

I'M SORR..

...yeah

Oh whelp, so what do you do when it's too embarrassing to apologize kids ? . Yes, you play the blame game. And for my victim of blame, I'm pointing my finger to the flock of birds, that seem to be able to lift a whole goddamned whale.

Holy Tweet.

Yeap.Twitter. You know, updating it as soon as it happens-Twitter ? . Yeah, that. But you can only tweet and retweet for so long til' you realize, you can only do so much with 140 characters. You can hardly describe how good your last meal was until you see this "-16" , indicating you have to read back and shorten "hahahaha"s into "lol" , remove all irrelevant smileys and convert links that are too long into "tinyurl/tediousx79". For a guy who has a lil' knack for writing, this is a big deal. In the long run, it removes a large portion of the satisfactory factor in writing full, complete sentences (WITH SMILEYS !) . So guys, here I am, slowly returning to the soil of origin.

As inanimate as this little blog of mine is, I actually, honestly, feel guilty for abandoning you for so, so long. Sure you don't have wobbly, puppy eyes to buy my piles of pity, but if I steer my eyes a little bit to the right, I'd see this heart-shattering sight ;

*sobs*

Won't you look at that. Only one measly entry, ONE, in January. And what month is this ? . Yeap, it's March and it's ending fast. I didn't even feed my poor baby a single post in February. What..have I done. I am a m-monster. Is that your ribcage poking out of your frail little chest ? . How in the world did your eyebags works in revers..HOLY FUCK IT'S YOUR EYE SOCKET. I..

Don't you miss my metaphorical, exaggerated nonsense ? :D

Don't y-

Moving on. If I keep going on this rate, I'm gonna have less than 15 posts by the end of 2010. That's like the weekly rate of any normal blogs. Ain't it ? . I can't keep doing this. I can't keep starving my virtual stomach of thought from blog posts. Writer blocks, be damned.

No, not that my life has been an empty abyss. In fact, if I were to update on every single interesting thing that has ever happened between the HUMONGOUS gap from my last update, it would be quite a wholesome read.

I tell you what, for my next few posts, I'm gonna do a montage of what has happened, the notably, fairly interesting ones. Be it in January, it's gonna be written in March. Then, from there on. We're gonna do it at a constant pace, where the gap between when it happens to when it was written would be a week max. YES, THAT IS THE CONSTANT RATE IF YOU HAVE BEEN READING.

So, I'm done with dusting off this whole, cob-web filled space for now. I have rolled the boulder of pace off the cliff, for now. So please do still tune in :)

Two Thousand Ten Tools, Thorns, And Tins.

2010-01-04T13:27:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it ? . Can you believe that Hitler only had one testis ? . And even with his singular seed-maker, he did far more devastation than any ol' regular pair of ball bearers could ever unleash. Unbelievableh.

I can't believe how frikkin' fast 2009 took a dump, flushed it and disappear forever too.

Is it just me, or time is getting faster, day by day, year by year, stomach by stomach ? . Or is it the fact that I wake up on evenings, and sleeping at sunrises made it to appear so ? . There is still 60 seconds in a minute, and 24 hours in a day, but..why ? . Wuh-frikkin-hy ? . I am aware that this is one of the little signs of the forth coming Apocalypse, but how the hands of clocks are rotating, ever so progressively rapid, is just giving my brain a solid atomic wedgie.

Lock me your knuckle, if you're like me, having your 2009 to-do list to be ticked less than a survey asking the appeal of hairy warts. Or, knock the fist harder if you're not even sure any of em' was ticked. Sure, you know you did something. But none of them was significant enough to make any difference between the 1st of January 2009, to the second you're reading this. Or, just straight-up give me a bear hug for procrastinating and piling things up so much while thinking "There's always tomorrow" every single time. And poopf, before you know it, a year just went down the gutter.

But nothing can ever be as mind-boggling, as hard to wrap my mind around, as "Oh shit - this ain't happening", as the fact that,

that,

.....

that,

....

..I'm turning 20 this year.

YES, THE BIG TWO-O . The age where there's no longer a -teen behind your age, but a -ty. TWENT-TY ! . Which doesn't stand for ;

T = Too
Y = Young

But,

T = Tata'
Y = Youth.

It's the age where when you were little, you thought when you're big, you're gonna have a beautiful wife and kids, a big house with an indoor pool and a zero-gravity room (just because you f-in can), a big car and your dream job of building spaceships and buses for aliens you bump into during one of your space trip. Because you think technology will be that f-in awesome in the future of when you're 20, at the time.

But here I am and my anorexic wallet. And not even on the first step of the process of building a family. Hah, the last metaphore was pathetic with a capital everything. And I hope, by some twist of fate, by some glitch in coincidence, that - would at least be attempted.

I will - this time around, grab Chance by the nutsack for everytime it passes. And not regreminisce. Regreminisce. Ain't that the coolest word you've ever seen.

Pass me today's paper and my morning coffee, ADULTHOOD HERE I COME ! *putting on the fakest face of enthusiasm ever.

Ah screw this, I'm reading the comics section and Imma drink a Cola, it's black and has Caffeine too. What's the diff.

AGE IS JUST A NUMBE- who am I kidding. If only there's such thing as twenTEEN.

Anyways, now is now, and now is won. And that sounded sophisticated and doesn't make sense. I've got to learn to adapt. This year, something HAS got to be done. I mean, come on man, I made past through two decades. I want, by the end of '10, the "What if's" and the "If only's" that has been playing in my brain since forever to step into reality. IT JUST GOTTA. God, please pave the roads leading to em' infront of me.

For me, '10 started awesome, and continued being awesome, and later met one of the shittiest twist in my life, ever. In which, I will, or might, elaborate in my next post :) .

Happy Twenty-O'-Ten guys :)

Blue Heu To Boo Who.

2009-12-23T12:21:00.000-08:00

For a guy who updates his blog as often as a hobo changes his underwear and suddenly gets bothered enough into reviewing a movie, the movie has got to be something.

AND SOMETHING, DEFINITELY IT DOGGAMN WAS.

I'm talking about,

and if more specifically, in glorious 3D.

Little did I expect, the moment I put those funky glasses on, I left earth. I swore the goddamn seat propelled itself out of the cosmos, and into the jaw-melting world of Pandora.

I was literally silent and speechless throughout the whole 3 good hours. Even if it's something you should really do in a movie in order to not have popcorn bits (and a possible thick, phlegm) stuck in your hair. But seriously, it has gotta be the tastiest visual candy I have ever t-eye-sted (GET IT ?) .

And as some of you might know, I like monsters with the infinite possibilities that applies into it. And basically anything that revolves around it, be it the habitat or how it sounds. I guess, this little loose screw of mine, increased my appreciation towards the movie a hell lot more.

Avatar isn't like any other movie. Hell, I don't think it's even a movie as it is more into being the most spectacular jungle-trekking/sight-seeing experience ever. You will, literally reach out your hand to grab that floating seed of Eywa, and feel stupid for just grabbing a fistful of air. YOU WILL.You ain't paying for a ticket to watch a movie, you're paying to get yourself lost in the wilderness of visual ridiculousness.

And I mean ridiculous. Ridiculously, f-in real. And how real ? . How about me being so goddamned sure that they are ALL excellently animated, (or in other words, Mat Confirm) only to realize later with much wtf, that there are real, human actors in it. That's right. The movie questioned my view of reality. You just might think, for a brief second of spontaneous thought, that there just might be actual blue dudes living out there somewhere.

Oh shit, wait -

Neh. Papa Smurf in the first picture turned blue for rubbing Colloidal Silver on his face. And the second, are just a bunch of guys that are watching you right now from the nearest window.

ANYWAYS, go watch it. In 3D. It's worth that little extra 5 +- bucks. Don't hope so much on a brainsquirming storyline.Be in for the CGI epicness. Or even if it's not on that, the dude, James Cameron took 14 years, and spent a total of 400+ million to make this. Show the dude some credit for spending a total length of a childhood, and the amount of money we're not even gonna get in a lifetime to spawn this masterpiece.

Put A Stop On The Top Of That Pot.

2009-12-23T12:13:00.000-08:00

This might not make any of your last few seconds any more meaningful. But those who knows, knows why I just gotta. I just gotta :)

Think, To Blink, Or To Sink In Pink Ink ?

2009-12-19T23:40:00.000-08:00

You know what should I be seeing if my turn my head to the right at the moment ? . The mighty bumps of Gunung Baling, with fog hangin' round the summit. Instead, if I nudge my head to the right, I'll get my face blown with a stand-fan. Not that it isn't nice, but the point is, I should be in Baling, my kampung, right now. With the sweetest smell of the cekodok pisang's getting fried downstairs, filling the air. With the thickest Utara slangs being muttered so casually in the background, while us, town-tongues, would bust a taste bud trying to pronounce this sentence ;

"Hambuih hangpa semuo ni, awat loq laq sangat ni. Ketegaq nak mampuih nohh"

Or even a simple,

"Aiyaq ni tawaq hebiaq, macam teloq ghebuih" .

We were so close in reliving all that, but right after the Sungai Buloh toll, my dad's ride suddenly went all swervy like a sidewinder. A sidewinder's cool. But a sidewinding jeep that's on a highway of speeding lorries (Goddamn, they were fast, one even tried slicing to the next lane) is NOT. Not to mention the shaky steering wheel too. So, we decided to play safe and make a big U-turn, back to our house. Not obliged to shout "WE'RE BACK" in a correct vibe , we just crashed on the couches and mourn on the loss of a should've been a perfectly, well-timed getaway.

All of this mechanical mess would not have happened IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE BLOODY MECHANIC BASTARDS. I would not just assume and point fingers at the nearest guy in an oil-stained yellow jumpsuit. But who wouldn't done the same, if their dad paid 2000 f-in bucks, and have the car to be worse after it's sent for service, instead of the other way around ? . One problem, to the next. From an allignment problem, to a leaking gearbox. To a complicated-sounding mat kereta term, to another complicated-sounding mat kereta term. They were just doing shitjobs, ON PURPOSE, just so that they could milk out money from my dad's trust. I wish I'm wrong about this. But I've heard of so many similar cases to think otherwise. I hope each and everyone of the conmen would have bloody diarhea and have genital warts on their faces. And then explode.

So, my dad decided to send his jeep to his trusty mechanic, Liew, or Liu, or Leeyu, or Loyd. He's done all the years worth of upgrade to the jeep and my dad seemed super-happy with it, so we are pretty sure in trusting his trench-filled trousers.

In the end, we just have to go to Baling right after my sister gets her PMR result (alang2, all the (y) sis' ! ) . Let's just hope there won't be any other complications, or else, I'm gonna strangle someone on Omegle verbally. Although sadly, I'm gonna miss out on Tot's Mansion's Bachelor Party, but I miss my kampung too much to ditch on this one.

Again, do not send your ride to random mechanics. They'll charge you for shit they haven't even done, or the shit they have done. Either way, you'll feel like shoving a jackhammer up their oily arseholes.

Rate The Red Rat Right

2009-12-16T13:08:00.000-08:00

One man, one can, infinite energy. Behold the sheer awesomeness of Redbull, and how it kicks adrenaline right into your limbs. Break the bounds of physics and time itself, as you take a gulp down. Chug it like a champion.

Starring :
Haziq Nazli
Imran Matin

A Last Minute Production :
Farehah Azmi (Producer)
Faeez Sabri (DOP, Editor)
Ahmad Ashraf (Director, Storyboard)

Not to mention the Hopeless Faeces, and the awesome, awesome crew members.

Rule your f-in world, Redbull.

Thy Sentinel To Be Slain.

2009-12-15T13:58:00.000-08:00

Fine, I am not a pessimist. But we all got to admit that it's hard to deny the very satisfaction of venting out. EVEN IF IT INVOLVES TYPING THE WHOLE GODDAMN THING IN CAPS LOCK !!!! . But I will not continue like that, for it will annoy the crap out of you, and even myself. The term "venting out" itself sounds like the flow of gas, and we all know how good "flow of gas" feels like. Ooo, yeea-hh-heh-hhh. And more often than not, the release will usually bring undesired reactions. But who the heckth care as long as, at the particular period of not giving a damn, you feel like you've just punched George W. Bush in the face.

ANYWAYS,

Do I sound pissy ? , Do I sound like I'm choking someone with one hand, and typing with the other ? . Nehhh. Don't get me wrong, the whole day today was actually pretty productive, thus fun ! . But I gotta bring forth this one thing that happened today that left the blackest hole in my guts. I can't help but to pucker up all my insides every time this situation is recalled.

So here goes nothing,

T-TH-THHHE LAPTOPoo - Goddamn, I can't even begin to finish the sentence,

Again,

The laptop got f-in reformatted.

That was said in the straightest, tightest face I could muster, with a voice bordering on the tone of reading a suicide note.

Fine, wipe the "-_-" off yo' face. I exaggerated a lil' . But really, it's hard to wrap around your skull around the idea of absolute, unrecoverable, loss. The very thought of everything is gone. The pictures, the things I saved which are Error 404's now, the MSN convos, the transferred sms's, the webcam stills, the works, the notes, and everything in between, kapoof*, lost forever in the black, buttcrack of fate. How am I suppose to pull off the exact pose, with the exact face expression, at the exact place, with the exact people, with the exact memory that shrowds around that particular, captured moment ? . Or awkwardly, repeating everything I think I said the 8th time I chatted with so-and-so, expecting so-and-so to reply the exact same thing that so-and-so said in the first place ? . You can't repeat the exact stroke of your first circle, even on the 99999th try. Amirite.

You see, two traits that will never go well with each other even in hell. Being too sentimental, and having a knack for procrastinating things. We all know what a douchebag Procrastination could be. It's the other trait that I'm more worried about. It sucks to be too sentimental, that you can't help it. You can't let go off things that were once working parts of a worthy memory. This little plague of mine, can't be healthy. Just for the record of keeping it all sentimental, I've kept ; A used band-aid, An empty box of J.Co donuts, A small wooden heart, a keychain of Mickey Mouse's glove, a cup of black remains of what was once a rose, a hair clip, a Ben-10 cookie (in the fridge, c'mon), among other things. It comes to no surprise that I can recall the smallest details in the past, but not the biggest bulge of Captain Obvious from 4 minutes ago. Jood golly. This can't be good. I can't just flash the finger to the past, and ride off into the sunset like nothing happened. The past made me. It's in the future that, I want to know how the past builds up like a tower of Uno Stack'O towards how I am now, or later.

Holy bull, this is pathetic. I always go off track and end up sounding like a sobbing slit-me-wrists. Fine, my laptop got formatted. Get, over, it, Giddy-Mc-Clingy. Honestly, today wasn't all that bad. I shouldn't have a speck of reason in the world to be complaining. I landed a Jimmy Carlin's signature, I should be happy. Moooovin' on.

Screw all this useless yappings. I swear something's real good is gonna be posted up soon. And it's in HQ ! . So stay spooned :)

What's The Age Of The Edge Of That Ledge ?

2009-12-07T14:18:00.000-08:00

IT'S

BEEN

F-IN'

AGES !

Sorry for the temporary death of my blog. Good Jolly, It feels awkward to get my fingers back in here again. Like returning from a very long trip and not knowing what face to put on when everyone's blasting off party-poppers into your face screaming "WELCOME BAAACK !" . An attempt to make a shocked+happy+"aw gosh, you guys shouldn't have" face will only invite the deadliest awkward silence ever.

Only now, there are no party poppers. Only the dead silence that followed the first moment I came in.

Anyways, if there's anyone reading this (say HI) , I'm sorry for putting my blog to sleep. First, it started as writer blocks, which then with the catalyst of procrastination ( how ironic ) , it then stretched out to be a longggggggggggggg poopy pause of pointlessness. Then came the assignments, which gobbled up all my time and shat out wet piles of mindfucks. I swear, I was on the very edge of sanity. Maybe, I'd go deeper in that sooner or later. But for now, let me warm up this typing tentacles for a while.

BUT NOW THAT I'M FINALLY FREEEEEEEEEE :D , I would, hopefully, update this a little more often and write more than 140 words.

And with this, I leave you guys with a little video me , Faye and Ilyas made for my Copywriting assignment, entitled;

THE MERDEKA MASSACRE,

En-joi

I have a more epic video in line. So stay doomed (y)

Jokkity Joke To Jiggle Those Jam.

2009-11-12T13:28:00.001-08:00

NOW THIS GUY IS HARDCORE BEYOND ZERO

Fuck you guys. I don't fucking care, at this fucking moment, that if a fucking bulldozer runs over your fucking meatsuits, and squeeze all your bloody innards, and your fucking soul out of your filthy fucking anuses. Except you two, Zul and Nadia, thanks for keeping quiet when all the fuckheads were fucking with me. This ain't school no more, if I wanna grow my hair long, I will fucking grow my hair to whatever length I fucking want.

Quote of the fucking day - "Mesti mak kau menyesal kan, lahirkan babi" . I've heard nasty things, I don't fucking know why, this, had made me so much closer to punching your face. To know it came from you, I would break your glasses, and fucking poke your eyes out your fucking ears. Then I'll cut those fucking ears and stitch it on your dick. Holy shit, it'll look like a butterfly. A pretty sparkly butterfly. How about your fucking buttcheeks, be sliced clean off, to be like burger buns ? . That'll be dandy. And what's the patty you ask ? , your fucking head, post-meatgrinder, with loads of gravy, fresh and hot from my butthole. Nyum.

You guys have no hearts, you guys have dicks in your chest, and in your head.

I'm so surprised that I didn't even shed a tear when it's on. Not a single one. Wet eyes, maybe, but not a drop of saline.

Spleen Split By Splinters Spins In The Litter

2009-11-03T15:43:00.000-08:00

"I'm not even what the mirror reflects to be.
In my mind, walks and talks the little me,
in a form that you would never see."

- Bob

See, something as spontaneous as that can't come from my own sane awareness.
It must be Bob.
You don't just grow outside of me, your roots must have struck deep inside my skull.

Anyways, last week I was supposed to post something for Go Skate Sundays. But something has put me off my mood, my feelings. We were perfect for each other, for months we've put up with each other's shit. I swore, the times we had together, were the ones I had the most honest fun, ever. But, how long can you hover til' reality would snip the cord. No matter how strong, how thick, I know, WE know, it will eventually wear down. Crackle. Pop. And snap. I broke your heart, you broke mine, we broke up. Rest in splinters, my love ;

Love is to let go.

Holy noodles, the cheese from the last paragraph could've fed the whole world, for a year, and a half.

Anyways, it's not fair to let the spirit of Go Skate Sundays die even if I died a little inside. So, here's Haziq Hom Hom Termenong. Shredding with all awesomeness :

You can see more of Haziq (and his passion for the Dim Mak crew) in ShiftyMag's August issue.

Haziq loves his fans so much, that he wrote and signed all that with his broken right arm

A Sundae On A Sunny Sunday

2009-10-19T13:50:00.000-07:00

Of all the days in a week, Sunday is the awesomest for us to get that wood on wheels and just shred Taman Paramount. The weather's nice, the clouds are behaving but most importanly, everyone's there, meaning more pysche-juice to pump us all up. The vibe is just amazing.

Matt, spontaneously named the fateful day, and all Sundays to come,

"Go Skate Sundays" . (y)

Mampus ah poyo.

So, in tribute of Go Skate Sundays, I'll post videos recorded at Taman Paramount, or any where else for that matter up here once in a while. Don't expect a triple kickflip to nose-blunt slide hardflip out or some crazy shit like that, but what the heck, we're having fun.

So, for this week, here's a lil somethin-somethin :

Me bailing my ass a million times. 1 tre flip out of 92380912309 tries.

Beetles Beat Bats With Bottles.

2009-10-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

I tried cramming the whole first week of Raya into one post, and it stretched all the way to Mexico and back. I always lose points in the summary part in high-school English tests. And that one particular incident of which I accidentally put a smiley ":)" in a real essay, leaving it to be circled with the most vicious blood-red strokes that could ever be done with a ball-point pen.

Anyways, Raya this year went above the slightly same ol' - same ol' . Not to say the old same ol'- same ol' wasn't fun, but Raya was losing a little of it's shine due to modernization and less duit r-I mean spirit. But this year is a little different, 2009 pretty much picked up the old dusty Ruby of Raya, and polished it back up with a tooth brush to a shiny sparkle. Open houses were aplenty, with more people and more Rendang-smeared smiles. Baju-Melayu's pocket was a little heavier with duit-raya envelopes. And good food to help expand the ever progressing bussiness of Waistline And Co.

A few vital things were missing tho, like not going back to our kampung this year. Not one fire-cracker was lit, even a fire-flower (bunga api, can't recall what the heck it is in english) wasn't waved around in circles in the air. And like how I imagined I'd look like by this time of the year, it didn't match. Real bad. Well, there's always next year. And that's the exact same quote that had been said since 2004.

But there's some other thing that got lit,

My frikkin car.

On Sunday night,

It was a fun night ride, me driving the guys around for a change. We went to this snooker place. The place was dimly-lit, and the sofas were torn. It sure did radiate a vibe of badass-ness. I could've almost imagined a big bald biker dude in a leather vest, holding a pool cue stick in one hand, and a mug of beer on the other sneering at me everytime I want to check out his handlebar moustache from the corner of my eye.

Later, Pithang wanted to test-drive the Beetle. So, he did. Luckily the roads were empty, or we could've been thrown a bunch of middle-fingers synchronized beautifully with car honks. But it's normal, I can't even make the car go past 20 steps away from my house the first time I wanted to try it for a spin. And no, Pithang wasn't the one who lit the car on fire.

We had a late-night supper at Saji after that. We talked, we ate, and we made fun of your pants. The night got late, so we went off.

Just as I drove a mere few inches from the place, suddenly I smell the unmistakable smell of fire-crackers and went ; "Siapa bakar mercun pagi-pagi buta ni ? " .

I spoke too soon.

Seconds after that, blankets of smoke began rising out from the back. Sure, the guys were smoking in my car, but the smoke was too thick to be made from even 10 stressed-out smokers. And my car definitely couldn't fit 10 people. Something was going terribly wrong, said Captain Obvious. We stopped and we ran for cover and screamed
"SHE'S GONNA BLOWWWW !!!11!1!!"

No we didn't. We did what most panicked, clueless teenagers would do.

Be camwhores :

Say smoked cheeeese !

CAK !

Look how worried Aiq is.

When I called my parents, my dad said to lift the seat up and press this red button to launch us into space. We did, but the Oxygen wasn't as nice as Earth's, so we came back. Then, I saw this under the seat :

See that dark part in the Mastika-style red circle ? . That's the part that caught on frikkin smokes and warmed Pithang's ass.

The car didn't literally caught on fire. There was just a LOT of smoke. I was lucky I stopped early, or else if I drove the car a few seconds too long, Sean Kington's be calling 911 alright. This is the second time that this had happened, the first time was when my dad was driving it a long time ago. AND IT REALLY CAUGHT ON FIRE. And I swear to God, some guy who just happened to have a fire extinguisher came rushing in for the rescue. Alhamdulillah. Call it coincidence, or karma or whatever. But I'm sure it's God's way to show that if you do good things, good things will happen to you, and at times, in the most miraculous way ever. And my mom and dad has been doing countless, honest, good things alright. This is not just the only incident, there are loads more to prove this, but maybe I'll tell it in some other post.

Anyways, my dad told me what had caused the *almost* fire. You see, what's under the seats were husks, sabut kelapa. It certainly looked and felt like one. And knowing husks, they aren't so tough when they meet fire, or anything else for that matter. The battery, right here ;

..may had spit a few sparks. And the sparks, in contact with the non-padded husks, must had been the one that set it ablaze. Cause if you look really closely at the battery, the part where wires are connected to it, there are bits of silvery discharge around it. I don't know what that is, but that's the thing that could've almost killed the car, and us.

The solution was to just take one of the rubber mats, and pad the battery so it won't come contact with the bottom of the seats. Nice maneuver MacGuyver !

Trudy Tried To Turn The Turd For The Third Time.

2009-10-03T13:06:00.001-07:00

Holy shitting shit, I haven't felt this way for quite a long while now. This familiar feeling has crawled back out from the darkest depths of damnation, to haunt my inner sanity once again. Raging oceans of restlessness are dwelling inside me as I'm typing this. Fingers, they lightly shiver. Sweat, they slowly bead through the forehead. Oxygen, is transferred quick as heck. Life, it got kicked by the testicles by a studded boot.

I was stupid, then ran out of luck, then back to stupid, still with Lady Luck out there getting wasted in Vegas, while I'm here under this ladder of 13 steps with 13 black cats encircling me. When will she come back, that question can only be answered by Lady Luck's godfather, Father Fate.

You know what's worse than not being privileged to stand on the podium ? . It's standing on the 2nd post. Or 3rd. The glimmer of your medal will never ever match that shine beaming out from the gold. But the crowd's watchin, and the confetti's rainin' , so you better keep on smilin' kid.

I don't even know if I'm happier this way, as I never actually got to taste the juice of joy on the other side, which can only be entered by pairs. If that bouncer's not gonna stop looking at me like that, I swear I'm gonna tie his neck with his own tongue. Oh well, the acid river of self-esteem is guarding the way anyhow.

I'm sorry belly butterflies, I guess you guys are all doomed to be stuck in your respective cocoons for a while now. It can take up to a few weeks, months, years or maybe a couple of eternities, just hang in there alright. At least, you won't have the chance of getting pummeled and pulverized by the deathly berserk of that heart-shaped bitch. The cocoons are the bubbles, and you guys are the Bubble Boys.

Captain Obvious came to the rescue and beat the hell out of Abomination Assumption. Thanks CO , here's your tip. A scarred remain of the pulmonary artery, that at one point was sworn to be flowing rainbows and sprinkles in it. Now the veins are all just streaming black bile and slimy spiky bits.

The truth is, I still do. And it's my fault, for doing nothing. Waiting for IT to happen, and NOT making it happen. I don't even know if it's ego blocking the way, or shyness, or the absence of balls, or just plain stupidity, but I feel like shit now. Even shit feels better than I do, all warm and mushy. Ahh, warm and mushyyy. I missed that.

Now knowing what to fix, let me get to that before getting back on this now, forbidden track.

And Phossy Jaw makes your face f-in glow in the dark ! . And that's randomness for you.

The Raya post is on it's way, wait for that and ignore this bullturd :)

Damned Dame Of Dimsdalle

2009-09-22T14:01:00.000-07:00

One of these days, this, THIS, would drag me down a spiraling abyss of pitch-black despair. Which I'll never be able to get up from, or see sunlight ever again. Or see that ray of sun, as a radioactive beam of skin-melting damnation.

Not that I'm already sitting in one shady corner, slitting my wrist and writing bad poetry with the black blood I bleed, or am I intending so. But there's this thing that's recently has been involuntarily, controlling the major part of my brain. The part where you rationalize and sort out things with logic.

But , since things you would normally derive from logic has been contradicting itself now, you have to be extra careful. And careful as in, stripping every living flesh of trust from the meat of rationality.

Or to put it simply, when you're as heck sure, have you never been this sure in your entire life, ever, that "D" comes after "A B C" , that's when suddenly "Q" or "X" pops out of nowhere and tuck itself just comfortably there.

Or like, preparing your tastebuds for the awesomeness of ice-cold cola, to only be scarred with a melting torrent of black, unsweetened coffee.

You get what I'm saying ?

Sure you don't, and let's leave it that way.

I still wish for what I've wished y'know.

Sigh.

Bold Bowl Blows Bald Bull

2009-09-21T14:06:00.000-07:00

I used to really look forward to it. It's good to you know, at times, just to release everything and walk away with a dreaded burden lifted. At time it's easy, and at times it's pretty hard. But I know I'll pull on through.

But now that it hurts, real bad, I just wish that I won't do it anymore. But it's inevitable, it will just come by like a thunderstorm, rude and sudden. When it rumbles, something's gonna tumble alright.

Crap, I need more fibre.

Pins And Ponies In Penny's Pantry

2009-09-09T12:12:00.001-07:00

*Just so you know, this a part two of this . Or you can just scroll down.

Anyhoo,

Holy shit, this is super-super late, I know. You've all the right in all of cosmos to still hold up that snot covered middle finger, and shake it more vigorously this time. I'm sorry, time and inspiration were being total bitches and won't let me pass through my writer's block. So, close the lights, light some candles, shave your eyebrows or whatever to get you into the appropriate vibe.

So here it is, part friggin two :

While we were all pushing Pithang's car back to life, I stole a few glances to the darkness behind me. Why I did that was beyond myself, I swore curiosity and idiocy were the ones that jerked my neck's reflex. Luckily, there was no one smiling, and waving us goodbye. As soon as the engine started up, we all scurried inside the car and got out from the place like it's gonna explode. I surely felt it in my head that there's suddenly gonna be a faint chuckle coming out from the darkest corner of the house that soon heightens to a maniacal, almost hysteria-like howl as the words "To be continued" slowly becomes clearer on the screen.

Haziq, known for his awesome skateboardship, was also known for his undeniable ability of spacing out into nothingness. And did he space out. So spaced out he was, that Nabil had to shout his name twice for him to snap away from his termenung trance. That's when he said restlessly that he can't get the image out of his mind. What image ? . The image of ,

A huge stain of dried up crimson blood, splattered across the bathroom floor.

And no, that's not some emocore lyrics I just pasted, he really said he saw what he said he saw.

And being the Uncle Seekers we all are, we started to make assumptions, what could the blood had come from. Haziq guessed, the aftermath of a bloody murder. But it can't be because the blood was only on the floor, if there was an actual bloodshed, blood would be everywhere in the doggamned cubicle, or trails leading to a place our balls won't let us follow. So, the next best guess was a rubber-less mistake ; someone had an abortion. Because the blood was near walls of which, the supposed-to-be-mom, would comfortably lean her back against it. But hey, that's just us.

We gathered at Kayu at The Curve to have our Sahur. Sleepy Mamak's on the end of their shifts, made me and Haziq to have our roti telur on the edge of sahur time. Anyways, I did tell in part one, that only Haziq Menung, Apek Max and Aiq Romero saw the blood stain.

We were all in it together, so we all should see the blood patch together right ? . Yeap, we can't spell team without meat(?) can't we. So, we planned another visit to the place one more time.

Anyways, we needed a rest, so we hanged around Shell for a while.

Sleep deprived teenagers running on left-over adrenaline, given an empty petrol station and a free street to roam would normally fruit consequences such as :

Don't try this at home kids, or with people around.

And other antics such as Nabil got ditched when he was taking a crap, and his pants was in the car. Experimenting fashion with jeans tucked into socks. And getting excited seeing, and chasing a bird that just wouldn't goddarned fly. Not that he couldn't , he's just lazy.

Sock'em to em

Wait,

How did a splatter of blood, lead to a bouncing birdy ? .

By the way, I gotta be honest with yeh. As you would logically guess, the sun had already risen, and our balls had grew back to normal.

Anyways, our next spot ;

A lone house just beside the highway near Damansara Perdana.

The spot is said to have been featured in Seekers, so you know you're in for some serious shit. And boy, am I right ; There had been shit alright. Bat shit. Loads of it. Decorating every inch of the floor and debris. Walking on tip-toes isn't exactly the manliest looking thing to compliment your smug of bravery. But I ain't gonna shit-stain my shoes.

Other than the bountiful bat brown blobs, there were also a bunch of actual bats, searing above a mere inches above our heads with vengeance. VENGEANCE I TELL YOU. As displayed by one of the most epic video in the history of pants moistening scream.

Look at Pithang and how cool and calm he is, walking about the room like a real man.
"Ah he'll be fine" as I let him be with his balls of steel while I join the rest of the gro..

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHGHGH !" ,

A blood curdling, gender-altering scream suddenly came out of nowhere, as a familiar figure sprinted out of the room with his hands clutching his head. Oh shit, what did he saw to make a man of his magnitude to burst into an ear-splitting scream ? A decomposed, maggoty body wrapped in a bag ? , A woman in blood-stained white cloth with long unruly hair, or a leprechaun humping a pink chihuahua ?

Turned out, when he was heroically opening a closet door or something, a battalion of bats suddenly burst out from there into his face, making him to totally go from heroic, to hysterics. From us being super shit serious, to be all giggly, giggling in guilt.

If you continue on the video, let's say around 2:15, you will see this and your laughing will immediately put to a halt..

......

A critter's skull, a dog's perhaps, just laying there in the middle of the room, coldly staring at us with it's eyeless bony socket. Watching, judging our every move. If a dog died there naturally, then where are the rest of the skeletal remains ? . A black metal ritual that someone forgot to clean up after ? , of what's left from a redneck's log cabin decor ? .

Your guess is just as good as mine.

The bats were starting to get territorial, so we got the hell out and finally went to Bukit Tunku, for the second time.

The place still looked pretty creepy in the morning. The vibe it radiates was something like "Oh how nice it is for all of you to come back" , said in a very welcoming tone, but at the same time, it suspiciously sends shivers all the way down from your spine to your spleen.

"Oh how nice it is for all of you to come back, cookie ? "

This is the place :

Come innn.

Remember the stairs that lead to your darkest nightmares ?
Well, it ain't too dark now.

Tengok Haziq termenung

Alright Pithang, no bats.

EP coming out in November.

Long story short, here's the video of our tour :

And not forgetting :

The blood splat I kept talking about,

Fine, it might just be a bad piping. But then again, it's a bit too thick, and a lot of dust have accumulated over the time must had darken it. And have you ever left blood to dry and clot, and noticed the colour ? . Yeah, my thought exactly.

You be the judge.

The morning's still young, and our eyelids aren't showing signs of slowing down yet. So we went up the "Bukit 3D" for our little morning stroll. Bukit 3D is because, like in old racing video games, even if you're moving forward, the background stays still like painted cardboard.

Brakebroke Mountain.

All the houses, were pretty much all the same. It's almost like re-entering the same house three times. I'd post videos again, but it's gonna get heavy as post-raya weight gains.
So here are the highlights ;

There was this door. OR MORE LIKE THE DOOR OF DEATH. 'Cause when you open it, this..

AWAITS

The stairs. that used to lead downstairs, had been demolished, making curious wanderers at night to go :

A: Hey, let's check this door ouUUUUARGH.. *Splek !*

And a little guess, which school the kid that used to live here used to go ?

Hm, awfully familiar colour scheme, amirite ?

There was a short note laying on the ground,

"Meeting with Izhar"

No, we don't wanna meet you Izhar.

There was a photo album too. The pictures looked very old , judging by the big hairdos and tucked-in shirts galore, it just might came from the 60's. Something about it gave me the shivers. Maybe the fact that looking at the album, MIGHT just be as equal as looking at the obituary section ? . IM JUST SAYING.

NO, NOT A POSTCARD ,

"Everything's great here, the weather's just nice and the flowers are pretty.
You know what, I wish you were here. It's quite lonely laying here all alone, cold and rotting. I know, I've a better idea, how about if I come to your place instead ? . Great. Give me ten minutes.
....
Alright babe, I'm here. Turn around ;)

Turn. Around.

Alright fine, it just wrote something about Tokyo, and I heard about Pithang reading Bangsar too. And it was in the year 19-f'in-90 .

And the last but not the least,

What would this ,

A chair with a gaping hole (that let's say, would fit both of your feet ? ) , placed conveniently
on top of a table.

+

This on the ceiling,

A hole that something had once clutched on it, made.
LIKE MAYBE I'M JUST GUESSING, A ROPE WITH SOME KNOTS MAYBE ?

...would conclude to you ? .

Shit. Gulp. Gallon. Of. Glob.

There was this chair that was just right in front of a rustic mirror. I was so close to taking a picture, til', you know, reflection, you know. Full bladder, you know. Phone getting eternally possessed you know.

But it did look something like this ,

Mirror mirror on the wall, who has the wettest pants of all ?

Then that was it. We finally headed out. And just shortly after that, we heard a loud rumble up in the sky. We looked up and we saw a helicopter with a flag, and was spraying red smoke. GODDAMNN, MERDEKA PARADE. Never went to one since forever, and everyone was just as psyched.

So next stop, Dataran Merdeka.

We arrived at around 9, and guessed what ? . The roads where you'd expect marching bands and tanks to roll on, were dead empty. Maybe, it hasn't started we thought. Good going for the traffic polices to burst our bubbles with ;

"Dah habis lah dik, start pukul 8"

What the hell-ichopper ? . THAT, early ? . What about your Janji Melayu huh ? . Aight fine, there's always next year, and the next, and the..Shit, I really wanted to see the tanks.

We thought all hope was lost, til we saw this..

THE MERDEKA MOBILE !

And we followed it's trails, and was met with this lot :

The pakcik in purple was the one who took this picture,
Would be awesomer if he's in this.

AND WE GOT FREE FLAGS :D

You know how I always complain how short the days are becoming, right ? . Then again, who am I to bitch, when all I do on such fine mornings, was sleeping, snoozing and snoring ? . This day sure felt like one of the longest day, and definitely one of the awesomest evaarrrr :) . Hope I will see the tanks next year (y)

Pens And Pennies In Penny's Panties

2009-09-04T00:05:00.000-07:00

So, what did you do to celebrate our country's independence ?

Waved a flag til' your joints are sore ? , Screamed "MERDEKA !" so loud, you swore you lungs puckered to a prune ? Or go on a wheelie/wekang spree, enjoying the sweet breeze of national freedom, blowing against your ekor at the Dataran Merdeka ?

How about having your Merdeka spirit shattered by the absence of fireworks, and instead be incredibly pissed off by the inconsiderate jerks that should've went on that wheelie spree at Dataran, but instead threw firecrackers high up above a dense crowd, risking everyone a blazing bald patch ? . You guys really think it's funn..alright, a burnt patch of hairless skin is pretty darned hilarious, but hey c'mon guys, wouldn't be that funny if it burned a hole in your Timberland boots would it ? . Thought so.

Anyways, that was it. That was my so called effort to get into the Merdeka mood. Well, way before that, we berbuka at this some nifty seafood shack. Here are some pictures :)

We're so patriotic, even we had to choose a place named Merdeka,

Okay fine, it's just coincidence.

Ececey Aiqqq.

TO ARTHUR !

Cina Kalah Judi

Count all visible moustaches.

Jehan Miskin second from left.

PICTURE OF THE DAY :

If the first Agong had a mullet.

Yes, by coincidence, I had two butter prawns, and lemon chickens, on this day, and quite some time before. Pointless to point out I know, but I should say, those two dishes do bring back some sweet caramelized memories :) . You, who find this sentence to make sense, should know :)

A short Left 4 Dead session, then the disappointing Merdeka Eve, then this :

I don't know what came into us, but suddenly we all felt a tad bit adventurous. We went to a hill, further up from The Curve. Rode up the hill we did, and explored a dark path on foot, leading to a darker abyss we did too. This, triggered a few adventures to search for some spooked-up rush.

So, since it's Ramadhan, the thought of all Satan(s) are all chained up nicely lit a little light of bravery in all of us. I do stress in LITTLE.

And here to mention, we're not out to prove how bad-ass we all are against the other-worldy. I can assure you, if those "things" did play a little peek-a-boo with us, we, or at least, I, will go all Usain Bolt, but with a slightly wetter pants.

We're just a curious lot of youngsters, out for a motiveless search of cheap rush. You know the feeling where you just can't wait to get a glimpse of your high school crush, but when she's actually there in front of your face, your knees tremble, your lips mumble and you just want to quick-as-shit scramble from the place ? It's more or less the same. We all just can't deny the rush we get from the most pointless and stupidest things we do, but by the end of the day, you'll feel dumb, yes, but it will all ultimately be frikkin' worth it.

Anyways, after a few stops in between

Then we're off to our next destination, a house far up in Bukit Tunku. The place was dark and eerie, duhh. And it had this feeble looking, narrow staircase leading down to your darkest nightmares. Oh alright, it's just too dark to even see shit, that made you to assume your darkest nightmares are waiting down there, ready to shrink your balls to microscopic nibblets.

We walked through the abandoned remains, with Hazim, the most fearless among us leading the way. By only the aid of a cellphone LED-flash-light, we explored the shadows. After a handful of time exploring, we suggested that the house looked like it's built around in the 60's judging by the old-school-ish layout and style.

We then found a pathway, leading out from the kitchen to a collection of tiny rooms outside. We made suggestions that they were guest rooms, or class rooms, or dorms. Yes, we gave out opinions as we stood still in one place, instead of actually checking the darned rooms out, you got a problem with that ?

The most interesting find of the night waited in this small bathroom connected to what seemed, mostly like it was a bedroom. Everyone noticed a mysterious bendy straw in a tiny water glass placed above the sink. But only Apek, Haziq and Aiq saw the other surprise.

Towards the end of the exploration, Aiq suddenly became all panicky, which domino-ed us all to be panicky too. And of all the places to be all panicky, it had to be a narrow pathway which was missing safety railings. In occasions of falling down stairs to be funny, this one is not to be shitted with. Scars of cement impact would heal, but scars of getting up to only find out your friends have ditched you, would not die down even a day after a damned eternity.

Luckily, we are all still friends.

The process of LET'S-GET-THE-F'CK-OUT-OF-HERE-! was ruined abruptly by Pithang's car not wanting to start. If this shit's karma, and karma's a bitch, this bitch is definitely the bitchiest bloody bitch to ever bitch around Karmaville (shit made up once more).

It got moving eventually, and later in the car only Haziq revealed what he saw; you know the other surprise ? . He said, he friggin saw..

Your Mom.

OKAY OKAAYYY I'M SOOORYYYYY. Was just try'na ease the tension y'know. He saw..

A bunch of snot covered middle fingers waving in the air in front of my face, as this is gonna be continued in part two.

He He He :D

No, but really. This post is getting too long, and it's gonna be real heavy if it's all smushhed up in here. Partwo's gonna be worth it(?) , with videos and stuff :)

And not to be forgotten,

Happy birthday to our Merdeka boy,

Haziq Nazli

Termenung-menung lah selalu :)

Weekly Wreck With Wicky Wick Witty.

2009-08-26T04:19:00.000-07:00

I'm as paranoid as a claustrophobic guy in a box.

Make that a fat claustrophobic guy in a box, duct taped to inescapable perfection, buried 6 feet under rock-hard cement.

Hey baby, let's get stuffy.

(And check out my mad MS Paint skillz)

This had lead me to over-assume. Situations as equivalent as a gentle baby rash, through my Paranoia-cular ( Again, shit made up ) , will look like a cancerous tumour, that grows on your face, and your crotch.

And boyy, ain't the cancerous tumour itch like a bitch, it'll leave me rolling in raging restlessness like a snail in a salt house.

In my head at least, wriggling like a seizure every time I get the silent treatment would redeem me a straight jacket and a spoon clenched in my mouf' .

Sure, I can put up my nose up high, showing off my nostril hair in all it's glory, saying "I don't give a dangling damn" every time paranoia kicks in the door.

But we all gotta admit that we are all just dynamites, attached to wicks of our insecurities. What differentiates us all, is only the length of those wicks, how easily those wicks are lit and how would it explode.

Suck my wick.

Some wicks are dead-short, and would be triggered the exact moment you accuse him of secretly liking to have his ass tapped, by a dude, and he'll explode like a nuclear pinata. Violent, but funny and full of surprises.

Well some wicks are so long, that even countless attempts of Yo Mama jokes wouldn't even light a spark. Altho secretly it has already been lit, we won't see it explode. Give him a confined space, a pillow ( or a pen and paper if he's the pathe- I mean, poetic kind) and you'd see him go booommm(!), at a devastating rate of a mercun pop-pop.

Trying not to think the thing that makes you go all uneasy, will not help. Of course, when you try to get rid of it, you will still, in a way still think about it. The more the effort, the harder it will go down.

Optimism ? . Pffyeah, sure. What would you do, if all along you thought it was raining rainbows and butterflies, but finally you found out, it's raining pigs and pickle juice ? . Optimism is only the mechanism to help you deny the stench of the poop, but will go haywire if you finally see the poop. Pessimism on the other hand, would already expect something poopy when the smell arises, so even if he did see poop in the end, he wouldn't be surprised.

But when it turns out that it wasn't poop after all but a pot of golden nuggets, an optimist wouldn't be surprised cause he knew all along, that pot of gold doesn't smell like poop. But who wants, to NOT be surprised by the sight of goddigitty gold, am I right ? . Pessimists sure wouldn't want that. Our eyes will bulge bigger when see the glare of the golden ray, and the effect of a surprise, you know the giddy in the tummy effect, would hit us as quadruple as hard, than on those optimists.

Now how about that, a pessimist trying to be optimistic about pessimism ? .

Then again, pessimism is not the way to slaughter the neck of paranoia. Well in fact, it's just throwing more wood into the campfire of said paranoia. Optimism, in the other hand, not to say it wouldn't help, but when it backfires, you know you wouldn't mind to snap a neck or two when the pessimists go "WE TOLD YOU SOOO !" .

So now, what ?

Distraction, yes the sweet dew of distraction. A distraction, which you don't put your conscious effort in.

You don't force yourself to play your Game Boy to against-your-own-will ditch your homework while chanting in your head "I'm distracting myself, I'm distracting myself" don't you ? . You'll get Game Over, Restart ? 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0, as fast as the thought of homework keep piling in your head.

But when it feels natural, you put down your pen and just play your portable gaming system without a single trace of Algebraic Formulae in your head. You have just, in that certain moment of you playing your Game Boy, successfully put all the problems behind you while you indulge in a temporary escape to free your mind.

Same applies to getting paranoid. You put that shit behind your ass, don't think about it (DON'T think to not think about it), and just squeeze yourself out of your narrow shell, and go outside. Inhale in fresh outdoor air, and laugh at the kid who fell off the swing, or help him. Both will be refreshing. Text someone you haven't text-ed for a while with a little extra enthusiasm and smileys. Meet new people, through the internet, or not. Try to learn a new trick on your skateboard, or earn yourself a new muscle sprain. Try that new oddly coloured drink you've been eye-ing at the Bazaar Ramadhan. Read some stuff. Create some stuff. Youtube some stuff.

The list is endless, put a plug on that paranoia plague :)

Slug Lagging On Sludged Ledges

2009-08-19T11:12:00.000-07:00

As of the 17th of August 2009

No, I'm not writing a post to remind you about my birthday yesterday and still welcome in belated birthday wishes ( Although, seriously I do welcome still, belated birthday wishes :D ) .

I'm here, to wish one of the greatest greats that have ever got greeted the greatest greeting, at the Gate of the Greats, a happy birthday.

Untwist those tongues, and let's toast our root beers and give the most blood-curdling birthday shout to the Godfather of Street Skating..

RODNEY MULLEN !

.

No, not that ironic guy who sucks RED blood, but still is as pale as a freezing albino, something-Cullen,

I mean,

RODNEY "THE MUTT" MULLEN

He's even handsomer than you

Wipe that smug of your face, I know you have an awesome-er nickname which you got from OWNING ! . Not owning anything worthy even, like a real expensive pair of limited shoes, you're just "OWNING".

From Globe Opinion

and this..

From Almost Round 3

And now, reminisce about your nickname and think real deeply on how far it will take you in life.

Skateboarding was once only a replica of surfing. Instead of ocean waves, they used to surf curvy concretes. Instead of water tension, they applied wheels. Instead of words like "Gnarly surf man" or "Dude, where's my surfboard wax ?" , there were "How do you even skate with leotards that tight ?" and "I can see your bulge from here" .

"Hey nice handstand ma..Oh, good morning to you too"

Okay I'm sorry, that in the picture is Rodney. Even the man himself was caught guilty for skating with very restricted crotch movements. He was way wayyyy up there in his own league, EVEN with those tight ball-chokers. When he slowly phased to baggy pants, he reigns a million miles above our expectations on what can be done on a wooden board with four wheels.

He's also the Leonardo Da Vinci of skateboarding. He invented most of the basic tricks all skaters apply to this very day, like kickflips, heel flips and tre flips, and even the bottomline basic : The Ollie.

Nope, not Alan Gelfand, he does that off verts, without really popping the board, Rodney popped his shit of the ground, WITHOUT CONCAVES.

And he does not stop there, from basic butter to the most complicated, technical footwork. With his next trick, surpassing logic even higher from his last one. Like a Primo Slide right here :

He actually flipped into that, and moved, fast, and landed back on his two feet, and isn't that a cat ?

For the contents in his bag of tricks ; Click HERE
And remember, the list is just gonna get longer, and longer, and longer, and longer, and longer.....

Trust me, when you think you've seen it all, you're pretty much haven't seen nothing yet with this guy.

A small part from Globe's United By Fate.

He's 42 while doing all of the above inhumane wizardry. And he's going Goofy (a term used for someone skating with his left foot stepping at the back of the board) when he's originally a Regular (same as Goofy's description, only the back foot is right). While we can't even write our names with our other hand without it looking like Hieroglyphs, drawn by baby Pharoahs.

To add insult to the injury, he went from Regular to Goofy in that video, due to the news of him breaking his pelvis.

Now, slam your writing hand with a sledgehammer til it shatters the bone inter-connecting both of your arms, and again try writing your name with your other hand. Now it's gonna look like Hieroglyphs, written by baby Pharoahs, with a pen lodged in their butt-holes.

Sure, he ain't jumping down massive set of stairs, grinding down ridiculously long handrails or jumping off mega ramps. But keep in mind that, he's the one who pulled off the splinter blocking the progress of the cogwheels of skateboarding. The cogwheel, that is spinning ever so rapidly, getting more complex day by day. Without him, we would still be surfing cement, and Caveman-ing over gaps, instead of Kickflipping. The awesomeness of today's modern skating, must've had it's starting line, and Rodney Mullen marked that line by Primo-Sliding over it.

He's the most revolutionary thing that had ever happened to skateboarding. And again, let's toast our rootbeers for that .

Get The Glitter Gattling Gunner Down The Gutter.

2009-08-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

The past few days has been quite the turn-over, of what has been a constant squiggle of lameness in my graph of life.

First the World Stage,

I could brag on how awesome it was, but I'm sure you could just punch in " I'm bragging about the awesomeness of World Stage" in the Google searchbar and get extensive comments on how sexy Pixie Lott's accent was amongst other celebritical <- (I totally made this shit up) , traits. I'm here to tell you how insanely awesome it was to drown in a sea of deathly body odours, and to get frikkin roasted in an accumulated aura of body heat. Not to mention the sheer greatness of seeing the sweaty necks of mini Yao Mings, and english people. Did I tell you how trippy it was to have your body lack an alarming amount of oxygen ? . Yeahp, that was some psychedellic shit right there. So let's say you had so much movement in a very constricted space, and you pretty much sweat off the living liquid out of you, you'd think, what better way to rehydrate yourself with a dirt-cheap 5 bucks worth of mineral water ?. That baby worked like a charm. Or you can always go for the option of buying drinks that's quadruply cheaper outside and get your re-entry denied. I don't know which options packs in the most rolls of Regret, but I am sure glad that I downed that sweet sweet 500 cents worth of 250 ml's ( OR LESS ! ) .

Okay sarcasm mode, off. All of that sweaty suffering was all worth it, really.

And again I won't brag on how awesome everything was. I'll just um it all up with this :

Tyson Ritter In Glitter

..and Mike Kennerty, the other AAR's guitarist, had awesome hair.

And I'm not gay, just very observant.

And who needs the after party when you can have the moistest, most scrumptious Char Kuey Teow in all of Sunway ! (kan Fina ?). All slurped down to it's very last juicy strand.

And to have such awesome dish, you must've thought the place is awesome too right ? .

Bet your pants it was ! . The place's name was, nope, not any fairly convincable Malay/Mamak name that ends with Maju, it was..

Carlos

It's either a very cool Malay guy whose his name might just be Khairul Ros-li that likes to pop up his Polo shirt collar, a Mexican who's loving the wonders of Malaysia and forgot all about burrito, or a very disturbing Mamak wannabe mafia.

And special thanks to Spanky, for the very first verbal birthday wish, and the two glasses of awesome Sirap Bandung, and the ride home :) . You know you're awesome :D

But if you mean, the real first-ever, the numero uno, the wahidun, then that, THAT, have got to go to my oh-so-awesome-beyond-all-cosmos parents and lil' sister :) . How early, you ask ? .

How about the moment I wake up, of 15th August :D . And no, this is not on purpose, or someone used (insert year of August 16th being on Saturday) calendar, my mum knows that I wouldn't be at home, and will be phoneless by the 12am of the 16th.

Love you guys times infinity to the power of infinity, Ma, Pa <3 :) .

Special mention to my all time buddy, Brian for wishing me precisely at the stroke of 16th August's 12 am, and getting me the World Stage tickets, and the presents, and the t-shirts, and the albums, and the top ups, and other countless things that would take me forever to repay. Thanks for everything Brian, when one day Brainsorbet's a success, I'll repay your every deed :) . You're awesome beyond all logical limits of awesomeness.

And also, I would like to sent my thank you, which, if materialized, would be your favourite chocolate, dipped in gold, and sprinkled with grated awesomeness to :-All performers of World Stage, which I made believe that you guys did all that for my advanced birthday bash.

-Those who had wished me verbally, right onto my face.

-Those who had wished me through the phone speakers

-Those who had wished me through the phone screen, with and without smileys.

-Those who had wished me on MSN and Facebook chat.

-Those who had wished me on Facebook itself

-Those who had wished me on Myspace

-Those who had wished me through someone.

-Those who had wished me through their H1n1 repellent masks.

-Those who had wished me, secretly, deep down in their heart, which tried, but does not know my number, or any reachable means.

-Those who would wish, if they did circle 16th of August with a big red marker.

-Those who would just wish happy birthday, everyday, anonymously to all citizens of the world.

And most importantly, His Almighty, for still letting my heart pump the juice of life, for 19 years now. Holy scrap, I'm nineTEEN. Yes, I did bold and capitallized teen on purpose, just for a gentle reminder, that this year, would be the last of my adolescence. I can almost imagine meeting up with a distant relative, that the last time she saw me was me in pajama pants, and would just look at me, tilt her head a little to the right and say ; "They grow up so faast" , then shifts her gaze to my mom slowly, and back to me, and create an awkward silence and creepy smiles. Then give me a few bucks.

Thanks again you guys :)

Did Dad Dub A Dot On That Dart Dear ?

2009-08-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

Have ever, an event so significant, that goes slamming right onto your nose hard, that it doesn't leave you smiling ear to ear, nor make you cry blood, nor make you run outside, stretch your arms up to the sky and scream EUREKA (!) naked, like this guy ?

It does exactly what post head trauma would normally do - stun you numb.

Eyes fixed to a point, but not one thing is in focus. No matter how important everything around you sounds, it's just gonna sound in one, blurry monotone. Sort of like having your head submerged underwater.

That's exactly what happened on Sunday.

My cousin just got married. And at a very tender age of 20 years old, some of you would think this can't be all serious, or worse, if this were to be perceived by filthy numb-skulls. Just to make a point clear, she was engaged a year ago. And no, in the time gap of 9 months (plus another three), her tummy remained as hourglass-y as it was since she was in her early teen years, or heck, since forever. I bet this cleared off some vast assumptions.

We're talking about life-long, dead-serious commitment here, far more realer and heavier than your race to your target weight.

Congratulations Zac & Vaness..I mean Wan & Aleen !

You all should feel very happy for them, although I don't blame some of you for hating her metabolism.

Guy in blue circle : Not single anymore.

Guy in red circle : Ehehehe

Photos courtesy of photographer(s) extraordinaire : Nurul Suhaimi

You'd imagine, such spectacular event of joy and wonder would make me prance around in circles and have confetti bits stuck in my hair while making merry with family members who have confetti stuck in their hair too, or at least smile by the thought of it.

I would, but then,

The Lord took one of my most favourite uncle, Pak Zali by His side, leaving us to wait for our turn in the non-existent que.

It was sudden. I came back home late, just to find my dad rushing to my uncle's house with the news that he fell. That's just it, he fell. Worried, I was, but not expecting the worst, I was too. My cousin told me to come, and with the restlessness of his voice, I would, in a heartbeat. But then, I would leave my mum and my sister alone. And that's not safe. Since like I said, I wasn't expecting the worst, so I just hoped that by tomorrow, Pak Zali would just shake off the dust off his knees and still make his Utara-slang based unintended jokes.

Until,

Knocks were heard on my door. And door-knocking at wee hours of the morning, mostly don't bear good news. Like school.

The door creaked open, with my mother standing there. Her words were simple ;

"Pak Zali dah takda"

But the effect was devastating. Those four words hit me hard, did what any physical means can't, passing through skin, and shatter all process of my mind, leaving me to just sit there, stunned, unable to exert a single thought of anything rational. Numb.

Just plain nothingness.

Seeing the still body, laying there for the first time ran a jolt through my body. It shocked, and strangled my eyeducts so tightly, that they couldn't even shed a drop. Was once that uncle who'd go "Abang Shiyaaaaaff " everytime I'm at his front door, and would happily announce my cousin that I'm there, was now silent.
I grabbed the Yassin, and read the verses shakily.

But seeing how calm and easy his face was, it made us somewhat relieved too, reassured us that he was a good man in his past life. He really was. Like my father said, he was a really straight forward guy. Not the kind to be a shrimp behind a rock, everthing he did was sincere. One of them who would overlook emo hairmops, and tiny tshirts and just see you as the good honest kid he knew since the day the kid sucked Optrose from a bottle.

And it's good to know that he passed on very easily, without a struggle too. Alhamdulillah.

It's rather surprising, when my cousin and I, gave him a bath, handled him, wrapped him in white cloth, we were as calm as his facade too. When all the years I thought, I would be so squeamish that I'd be too shivery to even hold a sponge right if it ever come to situations like this. When in truth I should've shaked my knees like jelly with too much water added, but instead, I even tip-toed to get the soap. I don't think the calmness came just like that, I think the reasons are far more spiritual, which I can hardly interpret.

When he was lowered into his dugged dirt bed, my father put his hand on my shoulder and said ;

" Handsome mana, kaya mana, billionaire ke, last-last, masuk situ jugak *referring to the liang lahad*"

Although in the strong heat of the afternoon, I felt chills down to my every nerve endings. Yes, I admit I'm scared of death, but more specifically to death of dying unprepared for Him.

You wanna know what's more spine-tingling ? . My cousin, when he was in the pit piling back up the dirt to bury him, he gave a last look to his late dad, and saw his dad's lips stretched a tiny bit wider, giving his beloved son the final smile. Hanan wasn't scared, he was happy. Sangat-sangat. He told.

Death is always perceived as dark and that jerk in a black hood carrying a plastic scythe. When in fact, if viewed from the right light, would be a lesson, the wisest advice, given without even a single word.

I've learned firsthand that death doesn't come knocking on your door three times and would leave if the door is unanswered. It'll kick down the door, grab you and put in his van whether you like it or not, whether you've put on your pants or you have not. You can't even ask him to stop at gas stations if you need a toilet break.

It's good that we're thought to not take death as permanent absence, but as the changing of phases. Thought not to go into an outburst of bloody tears, but to take it as a reminder, a challenge from The Almighty.

A salute to my best cousin, Bahnan, for being ever so strong. Being the only child, this is harder for you to take than anyone else. But how you held on your head high, not showing even a flinch of weakness displayed perseverance that goes beyond your young age. Sure, you shed a tear or two, but that doesn't strip the amount of strength I see in you, not even a micrometer. Hold on cous' , if ever your grip slipped, you've my muscular (mhhm) biceps to hold on too. Get your 10 A's. For yourself, and for Pak Zali. You're awesome, to every strand of your manly, trimmed (not shaved) moustache :)

Partue.

2009-08-11T02:57:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, there's another that I forgot to add in the last post ;

And the name ain't random, nor that I sit around longer round the dinner table than the others for I like nibbling bony phosphorus. But it's in honour of Shake Junt's new video : CHICKENBONENOWISON - Go ahead, click it and brace your self for sheer gigantawsomeness.

CHICKENBONE said

My fingers are cold and almost frozen to type which the only remedy is to bite them nails. Although it makes zero sense, but it works, for a while.

My forehead's sweating, and my BO's building up as I progressively become restless by each second. Suffocated, a little because of the aforementioned BO, but the main culprit is the tension that weighs trillions of tonnes, loaded on my head.

Briefly stares at nothingness, in hope that in that swift set of seconds, miracle would dawn on my brain and let me go on a temporary trance of grammatical greatness and wise wittiness.

But nope, I'm left to rot here with nothing. Nothing. Mind's running blank, and time's running out. One explosion of spontaneity, and the fingers magically, in that one instance, would finally just make the fingers howl a "Plzzzz juzz gimme the tixx !!~~ pweeAzEeeeE ???" or anything similar to that glittery example.

I let out a fake sigh of relief, and cross the fingers for a brighter morning.

What has just been written, Junk, happens even before a single alphabet is written on this blank comment box. The last time when this felt so real was when I was left with 5 minutes, on a blank paper that had an imprint of "Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia" , which was supposed to be filled with additional mathematics equations, formulas and sorts.

Kudos for recreating the sweaty sensation which I thought I wouldn't experience ever again. Few scenarios had actually done this, but you guys, with that innocent glimmer of "1. Leave us a comment in this post telling us what you would do for a pair of MTV World Stage "Live In Malaysia" passes. (Funny and creative comments encouraged.)" , you guys couldn't possibly imagine the damage it had done to so many us youths.

Never have a set of words had slaughtered so many brain cells, set it on fire, and feed the fleshy ashes to the virtual vultures since I was behind the table that wrote my angka giliran.

With the summed up torture and demise, I bring you guys forth with this ;

Plzzzz juzz gimme the tixx !!~~ pweeAzEeeeE ???

I think it's the last line that killed the overall chance, tearing it to shreds and be blasted with a C4.

Sore Saurus Soars With Searing Swords

2009-08-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

Just for a little segment of FYI, I'd like to tell you that,

When 56 seconds passed the clock hands after they've struck 12.34 pm/am on the 7th of the 8th month, August, 2009 ( or 09' ),

Or simply put, the order of time and space thought us how to count,

12 hour 34 minutes 5 6 seconds, 7th of the 8th month, 09

And like the math teacher you hate, he/she really meant it when he/she said he/she was only gonna show it once.

So, here's a belated HAPPY 123456789 day to all of you :D

Anyways,

I told you how I really wanted the World Stage tickets right ? . And you must've thought that moshing half-heartedly to sounds of blasted car speakers and hawkers shouting "Kuih-kuih !" being the only attempt of me trying to win the tickets, didn't really show how much I yearned for the tickets. But did I tell you, why I wiggled unnecessarily in public in the first place, is because I didn't give up from the contest, that I entered 5 times ?

Bet you sekupang I didn't, so now I will ; There was this contest that Junk held :

1. Leave us a comment in this post telling us what you would do for a pair of MTV World Stage "Live In Malaysia" passes. (Funny and creative comments encouraged.)

I don't know what's so creative about going naked to a 24-hours convenience store and buying himself a Snickers. Maybe the people at Junk pictured him being a fat late-night snacker with a really small pe- Alright I'm just being a sore loser. So big in fact, I wrote one whole essay (which I dont think they even read it) about it ;

*Sorry to writer of winning comment, I like Snickers too.

Right after three losing entries :

Ashraf said

If I win the tickets, I wouldn't buy the plane ticket to wherever AAR is performing next, which I will do If I don't win this. But the thing is, I'm expecting Tyson to speak Bahasa Melayu like "Malaysia Boolay !" . Money can buy me that plane ticket, but Tyson shouting my country's tagline is priceless :(

Ashraf said

You know sometimes in life you just gotta,
Act fast, like finding a toilet when you have diarrhea,
And when you don't, you'll feel like a pile of shit,
Now to top it off, you just need someone's face to hit.

Don't judge me by my first few lines,
I'm not that violent, nor am I insane,
I just like my rhymes, and my metaphors,
Til I don't get that tickets, you won't hear me snore

Ashraf on his 3rd attempt said

Like how they all say, third time's a charm ey guys ?

,,Right, guys ? :D

..Guys ?

...G-g-Ah who am I kidding.

Not wanting to annoy the f-k out them, or to appear suckier then how sucky I already sucked,

I decided to change my nickname to something funny and creative, just like how they encouraged ;

This is that sore-loser theory story, a bit of a long read but just bear with the vaccum of my suckiness.

Anonymoustache said

You know, to every bad thing that happens in life, somehow, someway, you'll pop your forehead-vein out, just to see the silver lining of the dark, gloomy, rain cloud on top of one's head ;

But, there's two, that applies this in their life;

One - An optimist,

Two - A sore loser, who'll find, anything and everything around that tiny ray of hope, and exaggerate the options to be so big, that to himself, his self-made conclusions are gajillion times better than the event or whatever he wishes to be at, alongside cursing the most diabolic things to happen at that particular place he couldn't attend to.

I bring you guys an example, of how an optimist and a sore loser would except his/her defeat of not winning the golden tickets ;

An optimist would go ,

"Oh well, at least my friends would enjoy themselves there, and who knows one of them would be nice enough to get me an autographed, Pixie Lott's t-shirt that will still linger of her perfume, or better yet, her - (Alright, what I might include may become too optimistic, and strip me off this chance altogether, but you get my idea).

Soon, the optimist will NOT go home and find a dark corner of his room to slit his wrist, and write poems with the black blood he bled. Instead, he'll bring his other optimistic friends to a bar, or maybe just a round of teh-tarik just to you know, get the optimistic vibe going.

A sore loser -

Upon finding out his name is not listed as the winner, he would take a brief moment to inhale, and shout the loudest *bleep* to all his heart's content. He'll then curse you Junkies with every foul word he knows, in every language he knows too, like "Babi, bodoh, sial, mahai, cibai ungge tatek kunji ilek" and the likes.

He, will then wait for the World Stage day itself, not realizing there are other ways of getting the tickets in that time gap of waiting, and go somewhere nearby, MOS, perhaps ? when the day arrives. He'll wait outside, restless, but his posture is as cool as his popped-up collar Polo shirt. He'll constantly look up at the sky and say "Hmph, it's gonna rain for sure, you guys have fun bathing in the acid rain while I'll have all the fun INDOORS, and while you guys are at it, be sure to get struck by lightning too,MWAHAHAHA !" .
Not out loud of course, he has to keep it cool to show em' who's boss.

But later that night, after discovering on how empty the MOS's dancefloor turned out to be, and how loud the cheering crowd next door is (with a large portion of them supposed to be at MOS that night, if it weren't for World Stage), he'll still won't admit on how much of a loser he is becoming, and say "Hmph, it'll rain anytime sooooooon now, eheh" sipping slowly on his beer, after he decided he was too cool for the dancefloor.When infact the crowd was too small and he was embarrassed when a girl laughed at him when he busted his moves. On normal, fully packed days, no one would notice him because there would be too many people for him to steal the spotlight. Such an optimist he is.

He would then go off, and would feel bad for the World Stage goers for not having fun as much as him. He would then make-believe that the drenched people that went to World Stage, were not soaked with sweat from rocking the night out, but supposedly from the rain he cursed on them.

The roads are dry though, but not his eyes.

How would they react if they win, you might ask ? . I've been both, I'd show you guys first-hand, if who knows.. ;)

EH HEH heh heh hmm, k-notfunny.

I guess since someone cared so much about sore-losing, he must've been one of the sore losers that thought they could get around the bush and be refreshingly funny just by changing his nickname. I bet Junk didn't find it funny and creative, instead found it as more gasoline to the raging fire of annoyance.

Thought I would give up after excreeting every ounce of funniness and creativity ?

Nope here's another one by the sore, blistering loser :

Anonymoustache said

You know how the comedy movies are piling in and the jokes are getting more and more repetitive ? . Yeah, once a golden classic, is now just a stale slapstick.

But there's still one thing, that to this day, hasn't grow old yet. And that is,

Running full speed, looking back while laughing menacingly and hit a solid metal pole the next second.

It'll get everyone, EVERY time.

So for the ticket Junk, I shall demonstrate just that. You have my word.

Nope, I didn't even manage to tickle their dislocated funny bone even with a classic. You would laugh if you see someone suffering head trauma after a shattering knock to a stripper pole, won't you ?

Thought so,

I even had a fan,

Hqal said

haha i like Anonymoustache's story on that optimistic and sore loser thing..

Alright fine guys, that was me. You caught me red-handed due to the sores of losing. But all I was trying to do was trying to get you fine, handsome, beautiful lads at Jun- Neh, membodek never , EVER, works. Just some deadly explosives to be thrown to the already deadly concoction of gasoline in that fire of annoyance.

There's one involving my bodily flaws tho, so I won't show it publicly due to self-esteem issues or getting responses such as "Ee bapak gedik sial ". So good luck finding it under that pool of pus squeezed out of the sores of them losers. A clue would be, the name starts with a "B" for bodily flaws.

Now this is a handful. Repost "Cataclysmic" on my chatbox if some of you guys actually finished reading from top to bottom. You'll get a free rootbeer.

Wordly Whirl Of Wooly Wool

2009-08-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

I am restless, but what's new. The days are closing in, and I am still World Stage ticket-less. Dog-gamnit.

The MTV roadshow at The Curve - Missed,

The X-Pax Pre-Campus thingy at KDU - Missed,

The X-Pax Pre-Campus thiny at Lim Kok Wing tomorrow - As certain as heck, would be missed too.

And nope, I didn't exert zero effort in getting my hands on the golden pass. I did try,

Like today, my sister woke me up from a dream of Juliana Evans saying I was handsome, APA GELAK, DAH CAKAP TU MIMPI KAN ? , and only in my dreams I would overcome the awkward stutter and actually start a conversation with a girl of that league. Anyways, I'd be pissed, but she came with the news of the Fly FM's Myvi Troopers were near the Giant supermarket, and would be handing out the darned World Stage tickets ! . So, I rushed there as quick as heck.

First they held a contest which you need to text them back the exact thing they've said in complete formality. No short forms, and no smileys. Of course, I was phoneless and I hated myself just as much as the Castle incident. Luckily, a guy who was happily eating his wafer cubes, which seemed to rather not have his keypads oily than to win a hundred bucks, handed his phone to me so that I'd have a shot. Thanks wafer-cube dude. But his phone was Sony-Erricson, and I'm a Nokia-ian all my life. So I tried, and kept having my sentence to look like "...stand+a+chance+to+win " . Cursed "Space-is-not-the-zero-key-but-the-#-key". That took a little while to adjust to, killing precious time in the process. So yeap, I lost.

Then came the grand finale. It was ticket winning time. All we had to do was, here goes ;

Mosh to "Sweet Child O' Mine" blasting from the Myvi speakers, at the side of the busy road, with Makcik's and Pakcik's buying kuihs from the nearby stalls, with a crowd no bigger than 15 people.

Don't get me wrong, I like getting lost in a pit of sweaty, aggresive people. But the reason, why is it practiced in a crowd so big, is to not get caught looking like a cockroach got itself stuck in your boxers when doing it alone, or with little crowd.

But for the tickets, I did. I jumped, and moved, and flailed my limbs. Yes, I risked the chance of getting owned by the passing cars or getting busted by my neighbours, that would possibly leak the news to the man that have the key to my World Stage permanent ban ; My dad. But I was desperate, can't you tell ?

My sister, knowing she was just a year below the required valid age to win the ticket, moshed along too. What a sport she was.

But too bad, my hesitancy showed and I lost. All I got was a poster, or more of a frikkin' (possibly) tragic reminder of an awesome event I didn't get a chance to go to, that I would practice my dart aiming skills with.

But I'm not giving up, oh hell no I am not.

To whoever that have any ideas on how to get a ticket this last minute, or has a spare ticket to sell or would give it for fr- >:) , haha joking, I'd buy it, seriously, please please please do inform me. I'd draw a zombified version of the saviour, or whatever mythical creature the savior dreams of being :)

Genie Grins And Grant Ginny An Engine

2009-08-03T13:55:00.000-07:00

I don't even know how to look at this shit ; slightly spooky , or coincidentally comical. You be the judge ;

So, what seemed like a normal shisha session at Safa, it appeared the place held one of the coolest f-in Mamak in the history of head-wobblin' , ever.

So I shall name him MC (Nope, not Mat Confirm, but Mamak Cool)

The smoke was getting thinner, and less flavourful, so it only became natural to ask the Mamak, yes the MC, who was writing our bills, to ask for the Shisha Guy for a fresh batch of flaming charcoals. Not only typical Mamak's would just nod their head hesitantly to only ditch us off our request, but this dude, the MC, friggin shouted :

"FIRE ENGINE !"

Yes dudes and dudettes,

He friggin' had a codename for the Shisha Guy, and it's a bloody awesome one if I might add.

A little side story :

Faye told me that, Taty got a little servin' of Nasi Goreng Sunshine ; A plate of fried rice, with a smiley face, drawn with chillie sauce, on top of the yolk of the sunny side up egg, served by none other than the raddest Mamak ever, The MC.

Anyhow,

What happened the night after, never made so much sense out of the quote of the night ;

FIRE ENGINE

Fad had a little craving for some dairies so we decided to have some vanilla ice cream cones at the McD's near my place. With the Volkswagen being older than me, it's normal for it to be jerky, and constantly cough explosive sounds out of the exhaust; I made believe that it IS normal, or else I would panic and steer off into the longkang.

When I parked, and no one died, and everyone settled down ;

It was when Ilyas (who was behind the VW) , told me that, for everytime the old beetle "coughed" , it frikkin blew out FIRE SPARKS.

And behind the tightness of my face saying : "Oh, tu turbo kot" , lies a very scared dude that have tendencies of screwing everything he touches.

Luckily, he made it home alive, with his tummy, 2 vanilla ice cream cones fuller.

Moon Moans On Mount Mumps

2009-08-02T15:23:00.000-07:00

My throat was a little soar since yesterday, my humongous loathe on sore throats was a little overshadowed by the fear of catching, the dreaded, suspected-to-be-man-made, H1N1.

Good that the throat today felt just fine when I was swallowing my own spit that was done purposely for a lil' DIY health check.

Although there is still that little bump on my neck, and no, I did not just become a man and my Adam's Apple just grew. The bump is right above my neck-knob of manliness.

I was afraid it was Mumps. Bad enough it tripled my double-chin when I was young and fat, but the real pain in the buttocks was on the fact that since you cannot possibly open your mouth any wider than 4 pieces of paper, you've to friggin SLURP everything in. Suck in the curry with a little extra enthusiasm, you'll just end up with a spontaneous hiccup, and a searing throat, set ablaze by Indian spices. Or in Malay, as we call it, the damned "Tersedak". The real torture is to tolerate that shit, while keeping your face, your tongue, your entire head completely still.

But rest assured, my mum said Mumps would only haunt you once. Then again, there are cases of people catching the chicken pox twice.

Optimism shone on me when the bump doesn't feel as swollen as it used to, and it became less bothering. Thank god for that.

Now here's the new shit that's recently dawned on me ;

I woke up at 5pm, 2 days straight.

Sure, I'm a night owl, a bat, a vampire without an attire, but to wake up, and realize that you've wasted half of your day mining golden eye nuggets, you know something's gotta be done;

And since I'm writing this at almost 7am, you know I'm not doing anything yet.

The absence of my phone partly contributes to this. Usually at around noon, my phone will ring and be asked by Mum, what would I like for lunch. That, inevitably, worked as the wake-up alarm. Or, even if I missed that, friends would call around 2 for a round of drinks. Yes, it's still late, but it's definitely better than waking up a few hours short from a dark night sky.

Dangnangit. Life, be pretty, pretty please.

Toilettries Try To Treat Three To This

2009-07-28T13:08:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to relate this metaphor with a toilet bowl and well, the brownies we bake inside our tummies, but I might just disgust you readers to an OMGEWGROSSLIKEOMG (!) panic attack and dash the cursor to the 'X' button in one swift motion, thus the main point of this post will not be delivered, so I'm gonna replace, uhm, the brownies, nuts or no nuts, choc syrup or no choc syrup, soft or soggyyyYYEY EY EY EH OKAY STAYY RIGHT THERE PLEASE, with loo roll *in Neil Buchanan's accent.

So imagine this, you throw a loo roll into the toilet bowl (a magical one that'll never dissolve in contact of water), and you know you're supposed to flush it down, but you don't, you keep throwing loo rolls inside the toilet bowl each and every time you feel like it, but skipped the flushing part, you know you have to, but you just skip it, thinking you'll flush it down later in one go.

But when the loo rolls make a mini replica of the Everest, and you finally decide to go hell with it and push em' spiralling down into the watery abbyss, you'll just realize the effort ain't as easy as you thought.

One, you might sprain your fingers silly on the last place you'd imagine on earth, the friggin toilet pump/pedal.

Two, the heaps of loo rolls are not gonna sink in down in all grace and poise, it might get stuck, or get splopped around sloppily.

Three, if they actually did sink down, they're not gonna just spin around real fast and get sucked in like a champ like in the cartoons, where even a full bungalow get slurped in the smelly blackhole in a matter of seconds. No. It's gonna get down and jiggy with it painfully ssss-s-ss-l-looww. If the loo rolls are pizza delivery men, you might make a mini Everest replica with the free pizzas coupon too.

SO THE LESSON OF THIS SANITARY STORY IS, do not procrastinate, like me, and have unfinished blog posts in drafts, and in head, like me. BUT I WILL TRY TO FLUSH IT ALL DOWN THE NEXT POST, okay ? . Kthxilybye :D

2009-07-19T01:07:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BEARDY BIRTHDAY FATHERRRRRRRRRRRR ! :D

And of course I'm not gonna settle for this one short post, this is to be pending.

Hold up :)

Bears Breathing Beer Breath

2009-07-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

If the 24 hour cycle is a water pipe, it surely has started to feel as if it went from just tiny drips of water to one whole raging flow. As if, day by day, year by year, the knob that controls the water flow is constantly being turned further, and further. Or like a dam, with a little leak in it's wall, that's gradually bursting open.

Damn, I'm scared.

What happened to the good ol' days of waking up to Sunday morning cartoons, and spilling cereal milk on the pajamas out of the failure of multi-tasking between watching TV and eating. To eating a proper lunch at a proper time. To drawing Earthworm Jim, to only realize much much later that it looks more like a distorted, limp male-reproductive unit in a spacesuit. To explore the various positions of riding down, or up a slide and get scabs as badges of honour. To awkwardly inviting myself to a game of football, and slip on the ball like a banana peel in an attempt to deliver the mightiest kick I could offer , right about 10 cm away from the goal. To later realizing that I am no good to the game like salt to a snail, and surrendered to the sympathetic sighs of the swings. To flail myself into the air from the swing like a catapult, and try to land as cool as possible. Yeah, getting your face covered in dirt and grass is cool alright. Then, take long showers 'til the the hands gets all pruny and wrinkly and get shit scared. To tucking the pajamas into the matching pants, pulled up sky high and not caring about testicle health. To watching badly malay voice-dubbed cartoons, and get dissappointed that the news is at 8, on every single local channel, instead of more badly Malay voice-dubbed cartoons. To getting the pajamas's sleeve stained with dinner, but still not bothered to fold it up. To not know the meaning (and to spell) of procrastination yet, by doing homeworks at 9, everyday, without fail. To sneaking up til' 12 to watch Ren And Stimpy and think how much of a bad boy I am, not following bed time and watching Powdered Toastman farting up powdered, glittery toast and the 1001 usefulness of a rubber nipple. To brushing off teeth, and still be a bad-boy and eat the toothpaste, although countless times told not too. Mmmmm, Strawberry Kodomo Lion's. And sleep.

All in the space of 24 good hours.

But now, it's all just a repeating treadmill, which keeps going on faster and faster and faster.

Goddangit, where's the time remote ?

All Sirs Serves Shivering Sire

2009-07-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

Oh great, I feel an ulcer, wait (!) , make it TWO ulcers coming out. Dang, I dislike them to their very inner nucleus.

Usually they pop out just like that *snap fingers. But this particular one has a story behind it's blood-red bump/crease or whatever the ulcer forms as.

One day I was eating Tandoori Chicken. Was it a good Tandoori chicken, yes it was. Like any aftermath of eating anything meat, some gonna tuck themselves comfy in between the mattress of teeth. So in one tragic attempt of taking the chicken strands out of one of the tooth, I pushed my finger in hard to pull it out, I slipped, and in one graceful motion, I accidentally scrapped a healthy lump out of my left inner cheek. FML

Although I looked kinda cool, spitting out blood, checking the wound out in the mirror, like I just got into a bar fight. But truth is, HOLY MOLLY IT F-IN HURT LIKE BEEJEEETHUS. Phew.

The scrape did not just end there, from just an uneven texture in the cheeks, it turned to a BURNINN' uneven texture in the cheeks. Also known as, ulcers.

Oh yeah, I still remember one time when I was little, I thought ulcers are some form of cancer (canCER, and ulCER, you see. SHUTTUPP YOU THOUGHT SANTA WAS REAL) and bragged to my cousin that I've a deadly disease like my Digimon Digivolved to a cooler one than hers or something. Kids, sure are proud of the darndest things.

Sure it's annoying to constantly having a mini cactus garden in your mouth, but that's okay, you'll get used to it. But this, this made me feel like I wanna be Mr. Potato Head so I can just plug my mouth out.

You know when you give an honest, full smile, your eyes will tend to get slanted as the cheeks softly squishes your lower eyelids ? :

As so,

But when you have ulcers, you can't exactly stretch one giant smile without risking tearing those ulcers apart, unless you do it very, very slowly. But you don't stretch a big smile in slo-mo when you wanna say HI to people don't you ? . It's friggin creepy it ain't t even funny. This isn't some Bollywood blockbuster, where smiling in slow motion while playfully hiding behind trees wearing a different outfit from the one that was worn a few seconds ago, won't invite a solid punch to the face out of reflex.

So for that, you can only smile halfway, thus exerting insufficient push from the cheeks to slant the eyes. So you'll look something likeeeee,

This

BRICKS SHALL BE SHAT

If ever I smile like Chucky, I swear it's honestly intended for good and not having secret plants to kill you in your sleep, I sweaarrrrr. It's the f-in ulcerssss :(

Wtf, I just made a whole post on ulcers. I hope you still like my blog. I'll make a cover on the world of high fashion and celebrity gossips by next week okay ? . Please still do tune in :(

Byeee *gives the Chucky smile
IM SORRYY COME BACKKK IT'S THE ULCERRRR !!!

Keep The Kips Of The Keeps

2009-07-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

You know what I should do now, I should,
Grab fistfuls of hair, clench teeth, bulge the eyes, run around in random directions, hit a head on collision to a solid metal pole, get up, dust off shirt and repeat.

But why am I still keeping this calm facade behind the monitor screen bothers me greatly too. It's like, the glare of the screen has killed all my sense of urgency.

All assignments are due today, before 5pm, and the papers downstairs are calling me, weighing me restless, like a sudden realization of forgetting to put the toilet seat down.

ARKKHHQQGGAHAGASHLKAS@#$%^&*(

..I'm going to put the PC on standby in 10

9

8

7

6

5

4

..Hey, Facebook's got a new notification :D

..False alarm, stupid application alerts.

Oh yeah where was I ?

Crap, what I feel like for breakfast tomorrow ? , Wait I always wake up around lunch hour. Whatever, the first meal of the day's always breakfast, be it at 4pm.

UGHHHH, I need a shoulder to slop my snob on. And a few salty water drops from my eyess maybe. It ain't cryin, it's hyper-ventilating. Haven't you heard ? , some breathe into paperbags, I force my tear ducts out. You know how frustrating it is, to have your sneeze, or fart, canceled ? . I've learned, doing this does not subtract the burden, it multiplies. So I think I shall not force my eyeballs out, I'll just take a look in the fridge and make myself a hot cup of cacao . He he, it sounds so warm and comfy. I don't even have a cacao mix, just felt like saying that for the sake of sophistication. I've only cold plain water.Sigh, that'll do.

HOLYYYYYYY BROCOLLIII (!) , THIS TOOK HALF AN HOUR ? . UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHERE'S THE POLE, WHERE'S THE SOLID METAL POLEEEEE. Breathe. Breathe. They say the hardest part of doing something is starting it. I think I'll just grab a hold on to the pencil and see how it rolls from there. Wish me well.

Bye.

Weepy Whiff Of Whipped Whites

2009-07-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

Pixie walked on my keyboard, whipped her poofy tail against my face, and made this :

..Good girl

What's Wyatt's Hiatus Status ?

2009-07-06T03:04:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this with a diarrhea. My stomach sounded like a Transformers transforming, and my intestinal passage burnt like it's flowing a lava of prickly pins. Bleghkghhhghghzxxz.

So, since the size of the gap between last proper update is ginormous, expect this post to be ginormous too.

It's gonna stretch all the way to the 20th of June, 2009. Which was on a Saturday, which held Rockaway, which at first I thought was Rockabay. Take a look at how they wrote it down, you would've been a Mat Confirm* saying it's Rockabay too :

The-Inside-Joke-A-Pedia :

Inventor of word : Nabil JS

*Mat Confirm : Someone, with all his confidence, confirming, a subject of matter is correct to his/her opinion.

Eg :

Ali : Eh MOS dekat OU kan ?
Abu: Fuh kau ni memang Mat Confirm.

Moving on,
The main reason why I wanted to go was solely for Medusa, or maybe a little for the fact that my previous Saturdays sucked, so it was sorta like a redemption. But still, to see the friends you usually sit around with at Mamak's, and be temporary enemies in Left 4 Dead, to suddenly be performing at a concert of such scale, you wouldn't wanna miss it for the world.

But fate wasn't hangin' round my shoulders, I had a wedding to attend. And by the time it's finished, and my acar-buah's scented fingers typed the numbers of the ones who were going to Rockaway, pretty much everyone was already there.

Damn.

Til, Aiq called me to follow along. We arrived around 4 somethin' somethin'. Medusa was the opening act, and d'uhhhbviously we missed it. Curses . Oh well, with Rockaway being a yearly thing, and how awesome the crowd responded (as told), I hope I won't miss it next year.

Damn.

But here's a video of the madness :

Sponsors of the Rockaway was C2 the flavoured green tea drinks, and Roller Coaster chips among others, thus that made me lost count of how many free C2's I had downed, and for the chips, there were mountains of it hidden behind one tent, and free for anyone to take. And the chips was Kerabu Mangga flavoured, personally, I really dig it.

Aiq suddenly found a peculiar liking to, Bunkface o.o . Which lead to constant praises from him on how great their performance were, the night later.

And the coveted FAIL award goes to this :

While Love Me Butch was performing, Os crowdsurfed , and by the look of his face, he really liked it. He really liked it, that he asked for seconds. So I lift him up to the ocean of sweaty hands, I watched him being carried away by the surf, to the very end. So, I turned to him and showed a thumbs up gesture, which was silently asking "How was it man ?" . That was when Os was acting strange, he held his head and walked like he's super drunk, trying to push through the crowd. He looked f-ed up, so I trailed him along. When we finally got ourselves a place to sit, fresh Oxygen, and some ice to put on Os's head. that's when Os tell what happened. Turned out, he fell head-frikkin-first when he got off from the crowd-surfing. He said, when he walked like he was tipsy, he could only see pitch-black. Holy crepe. I did put my hand on the back of Os's head later, and Goddamn, the bump was ENORMOUS. For the rest of the day, Os looked traumatized. Poor dude.

Then on 21st of June, Sunday

It was Father's Day, Happy Father's Day PA ! :D . And it was Go Skate Day too. And for that, me, Matt, Adrie, Nabil and Aiq went to this spot right beside Suria KLCC . Quite a number of skaters were already there. We skated there for a while, til' Abang Organizer (inside joke) , brought the idea of a skate tour round' KL . So we did, bunch of adrenaline-fueled kids, on skateboards, riding around the streets of Kuala Lumpur. One of our stops were the infamous spot, right infront of BB's Maybank, where on Saturdays, bunch of shufflers would grace their presence, Pavillion, KLCC's park, inside KLCC itself and others.

So here's my tribute :

A Tre/360 flip FAIL

And on top of that, I am currently wallet-less and phoneless. I've backtracked, rummaged and turned the house inside out, upside down, but to no avail, it was out of sight. Damn. It's not the money in it I'm worried about (there was only around 2 bucks if im not mistaken), it's about redoing everything, for the SECOND FRIGGINNN TIMEEE) . Breathe. Control the diameter of flared nostrils. Imagine running through a field of daisies chasing the other end of the rainbow. Repeat every time the sight of screwed phone passes line of vision.

I shall continue some other time. I shall spare your eyelids some mercy. (y)

RIPMJ

2009-06-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

(August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009)

Rest In Peace,
Michael Jackson
The Ultimate Overlord Of Pop

He was once a legend, with an unmatched voice that moved millions, both our hearts, and all moving limbs of our bodies. He got legs that seemed to defy gravity, and body parts that goes beyond the possibilities of the human anatomy.

So what you went a little fairer, your nose kinda melted like wax, be a victim of dozens of parodies, and made parents to not let their small children near you. But you were never a freak, you were just misunderstood. The media drowned us with too much piles of steaming bullsht, that it almost overshadowed how awesomely epic you were back then. Out of all the deaths in Hollywood, you made one of the deepest marks, that even in time, will never be filled.

Rest In Peace MJ,
"..Well he died as a legend Ma" - Pa

Giddy Up Pretty Kitties

2009-06-18T15:33:00.001-07:00

As I'm writing this, three puny newborn kittens are bound helpless in a cardboard box outside. And here's the story :

Earlier the evening, I was skating outside to just you know, break out some sweat. Then, my little neighbour Aiman was wandering about a box near the bushes. So me, and Aiman's mom went a little closer to see what's inside.

Turned out, there were three kittens, not bigger than the size of my palm, with their umbilical cords still intact, scattered inside on a piece of dirty white cloth. With fur barely covering their pale pink flesh, mewing their little hearts out in hope the mother will come, which was nowhere in sight. I've a video, but too bad I still can't find my wire.

I think it's the work of this particular neighbour. Because I saw her looking at the kittens and was like putting her hand inside. Well, it seemed harmless at first. But when I came to have a second look, the white cloth was wrapped around two of the kittens, which I think was an attempt to deafen the mews of the kittens, which would also suffocate them. The neighbour looked restless too whenever someone walked pass the box, stealing glances along the way.

Then later, I saw her pushing the box with her FRIKKIN FILTHY FOOT (!) deeper into the bush. Later she was asked, and she replied "Oh takut nanti hujan" . WHATTHEEEFKK, the bush ain't that thick, the kittens will still be drenched if it's raining. People like you make me wanna regurgitate lunch.

But then again, I don't wanna straightly assume that it's that neighbour that did it, cause there ain't enough solid proof, but to whoever who did it, you just don't leave them out without the mom. What logic did you scrape off from your warty ass crack that they'll survive alone ? . Heartless hellspawn. How in the world do you go to sleep at night man.

The most disheartening part is that, we (me and my family) are all helpless on the fact that the kittens are too small to be done anything about it, other than just providing them shade. We can't touch them, it'll leave the mom to not be able to track them down by smell. We can't just feed them anything, it'll just further complicate the matter . And I've read, they could die within 24 hours if their not properly taken care off. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shitttttttttttttttttttttt, noo.

I walked to the living room around 4am just now to find some stuff for my assignment, and I could hear the mews from the inside. I went outside to check on them. I could've sworn I was shivering a little when I was looking down. Thank God they were still moving. I saw one tiny hero stumbling about, mewing with all his might, well the other two was asleep on top of each other.

The plan is that, my dad is gonna send them to PAWS this morning. I just hope they made it through the night. Don't worry little chumps, you guys will be alright (y)

It's A Long Way Down From Here To The Sun

2009-06-16T13:54:00.000-07:00

It used to be either this or that,
Now it's just one big ugly splat.

I just hope it dries up real soon.

It's funny how there's always a song that pops out to suit the moment. This one right here might sound all cheerful and parade-like at first, but as it progresses further, well it's still gonna sound cheerful and parade-like. But it didn't get me imagining a formal marching band marching with big, happy floats trailing their back through a big crowd , with colourful pieces of paper raining down. It's more of a small orchestra in a dim-lit brick-walled bar, where the small crowd sways from left to right with the rhythm with closed eyes and a little smile. Sort of like a short getaway from whatever !@#$%^&GAJAJUHFWFn&* choking the insides.

And again, it's on how it sounds :

Beirut - Carousels

Hump And Thump Plump Thumbs

2009-06-15T12:33:00.000-07:00

OWND

Quote of the day :

After he lost to a handshake, turned thumb war, he cried :

"OHHSHHIITT I LOST. PLEASE INSERT COIN (!)" - Walter Alexander

The dude's epic (y)

Cheryll Cheers For Choirs On Chairs

2009-06-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

Knowing me, I love cherriieeeeeeeeeeess <3 . Be it cherry drops or cherry lollypops, cherry sodas or cherry stars, cherry chocs or cherry rocks, even the bloody-red cherry on top of cakes, which I'm still uncertain if it's there to make the cake pretty or is it really edible, but it's still nice. And also, cherries are the epitome of sexy, as displayed below :

The real reason behind global warming

Yeah, Durian's the king of fruit, and Mangosteen's the queen, Cherry is the super-smokin' sexy seducer the Durian cheats over her queen.

Til' this one very day, this little treat, disguised ever so prettily in pink, came into the picture :

I've been eye'in this baby for the longest time, hanging so seductively by the candy isle in Cold Storage, along with the soft-baked cookies, pretzel chips, Oreo instant cakes, and other imported saliva-swallowing sweetness. I was held back, everytime by the flatness of my wallet. Til, two days ago, where I finally decided to go heck with it and just splurge in 7.90, (or 8) good bucks for the sake of my taste buds.

Faye gathered round me to join in the anticipation. The moment the package is cut open, the sudden waft of smooth, sweet cherries made me gulp a gallon. I can't no longer wait, took one and put it in the carress of my tongue...

To only go,

..WHATHEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF IZ DIZ SHITTTTTT !!!!!!!11!!!1

8 bucks, which could've gotten me another Frosty Shake (it was Frosty Fridays, Wendy's cuts the price of anything Frosty to be half, which has a cherry on top ), got f-in cremated from the red coloured pieces of tongue torture.

I even sticked some of them in McD's vanilla ice-cream cone to who knows, eliminate the shizzitness of the shiz, but to no avail, I was still tasting trauma.

It's all around PLASTIC, it tasted like one, looked like one, the texture's like one, and even melts with fire like one.

A life lesson here, NEVER buy anything low fat and artificially flavoured. It's either you take side on the low-fat bad tasting treats, or the artificially flavoured unhealthy, good tasting treats. You don't go to a Chelsea VS Man U match wearing a red and blue striped t-shirt. The aftermath will not be pretty. Same rule applies here.

The best reaction of the f-in day goes to..(!)

AZMAN !

For the priceless act of smiling ever so widely while saying "Nice !" , and purposely letting the candy fall off his mouth the next split second, while still keeping the smile intact.

A close-runner up is Os (!)

With the act of eating one on a very bad timing. Traffic jam + The possibility of everyone on the road seeing Os as an inconsiderate literrer if he spits it out + The torturous struggle of finding where he can throw it out+ Finally gulped it down with melted ice in a cup like some foul cod liver pills = WIN . All done with his mohawk still standing 90 degrees straight.

Well maybe i'll turn back to this candy when i'm 60, till then, I'm sticking to Chuppa Chupps cherry lollies, or other non-lowfat+artificial flavoured-combo cherry treats.

Constant Tension Turns To Ten

2009-06-10T12:48:00.000-07:00

..And still single for a close 19 years. FML

All self-pity and giant L's on forehead off the table, I'm starting to miss channeling thoughts of the brain through wriggling fingers like spider legs (10 of em) on plastics marked with alphabets, numbers and symbols. Notice the over-exaggerated, metaphorical intro ? , that's how I miss typing :)

Random ramblings of the fortnight :

A lot had happened, a lot had not.

How I imagined I'd be by this time of the year when the year started, welllllllll, it didn't turned out half as good, if not, worse :/ .

Pessimism might lead to this. Law of attraction really works I guess. Man, I need to wake up on the other side of bed, drink a half full glass of water and breathe in early morning air instead of going,

"WTFK!! It's already 1pm ? , alright last 5 minutes then I'm up,"

...

"WTFKK !! ? , It's already 3 ? slkjsa&*(dskfj"

Well, now that we're kinda talking about sleeping, I've a few stuffs to share :

My love of sleeping had went a tad bit too far. Losing one night of sleep can be disastrous, it'll make you fall asleep and soon wake up not knowing you fell asleep. And when you are awake, your eyes will look like they're on invisible bent toothpicks. And you'll speak Mumblish and Mumblay (Mumbled english and Bahasa Melayu). It'll also make you crack the lamest joke (thus Mumblay and Mumblish) .

Eg : One time, I woke up at 7 and be grumpy why am I kept being woken up at such early time of the morning, was still conscious enough to know that I'm not in highschool anymore. Till I heard the keyword, "Maghrib" .
The funny thing is, I didn't even remember that I fell asleep in the first place. As mentioned above.

The only good side of it is, it'll make you dream the realest, vividest dream ever. Like one of them, I remembered that I was in an unfamiliar distant land. Stone buildings, on a body of sea. Little boats adorning the sides. Then, there was this black haired, fair girl standing by the balcony. The next thing I know, we were talking and talking, we pretty much liked each other. I swear to you, the butterflies in the stomach, the flushing of cheeks, the warmth of touch, they all felt f-in real in the dream, which in the moment didn't even feel like one. This soon lead us to be taking care of a monkey. Hold that giggle in, the next scene is tragic -

Me and the monkey went to a war with golden pieces of armor guarding us. Then, then.. :'(
..The monkey met his fate, with a giant bloody battle scar on his back. This tragic, teary tragedy made me and the black-haired girl to further fall with each other. Which, the scene soon shifted to the girl carrying a baby on her arms, with me smiling over her shoulder. I swear to the fallen monkey, everything felt f-in real.

Well moving on,

I missed both Steve Aoki and RATATAT :((((((((((((((( . Well they still live on the same puny earth. I'm sure I'll be able to feel their magic soon enough.

And it's a Kenduri Kahwin galore !

There was Aznam's sister wedding, my neighbour's wedding, and the son or daughter, of this guy which I think is a surau-friend of my dad. One wedding which I'm not invited to, but my parents went. One wedding will be on the 20th I think.

I like Kenduri(s), free food, the chills of the preview of ginormous commitment, the flashy, frilly stuff on sticks (bunga mangga eh what they call it ?), and kids saying they haven't gotten any bunga-telur/candies, when the buldge in their pockets are darned obvious.

But there's one thing :

WHAT IN THE WORLD DID THEY PUT IN THE KENDURI-FOODS ? . Sure they're tasty, but how it made me helplessly sleepy the moment I get back, is mind boggling. I think Acar-Buah's are secretly sleeping capsules. I've experimented, once I took a small portion, but to no avail, slept for 4 hours and woke up, still in my baju melayu, sweating like a naked, well-hydrated man in a sauna.

Well, I had my first accident. It wasn't my fault the Saga was parked at the very side of the road, and my car-size-estimation skillz are bloody awesome. I now suffer a short trauma of car-sizes and things on the side of me. I've a picture, but the wire's nowhere to be found. Again, hold on :3

What else,

Hm, I need a boost like a very buoyant ball on a geyser. My self-estiihiihii..Neh, don't even feel like talking about it.

Knowing the consequences of being an outrovert and picking the wrongly perceived words to stand my justice, I rather hold it in, and release it on a Google searchbar.

My phone's acting up again. Keypad delays and sudden restarts. Loose upper part, and a faulty backlight.
Sigh.
And I sorta miss texting, the phone's been a bit too quiet now.

Whoah. I. Think. I. Will. Stop. Now.

When Tank Goes To Texas

2009-06-02T14:05:00.000-07:00

HOLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BULL-FRIKKINN-HORSESHIT :D

"And if we run out of bullets..",

*Chainsaw rumbles* ,

"Baby, they're gonna wish we haven't"
(or at least that's what I think I heard he said)"

Now, that's just Epic, with a capital, bolded, italic, big E.

Her Horse's House Has A Hose

2009-05-25T11:01:00.000-07:00

Band Of Horses - No one's gonna love you

I've been listening to this song for about 24 times per day, for a week plus now. Something, about how it sounds just feels so right, so fitting the moment. WAIT, I AIN'T NO WEEPY STARE-INTO-THE-SUNSET AND REMINISCE ABOUT HEARTBREAKS ABANG JIWANG (!) concerning the lyrics (although I do like sunsets), the lyrics can consist of Your Mama Jokes or be written in LOLSPEAK, and still sound right.

It's just on HOW IT SOUNDS.

Man, I feel as calm as the evening sea every time the song is serenaded out of my noble laptop speakers :)

Not A Thing Thinks Of Nothing

2009-05-24T12:23:00.000-07:00

Silently, without a sound
All swiftly sinks into oblivion.

A lie be told, I've nothing left,
Blame it on Paranoia, the thief of trust.

The Thrill Of The Grill.

2009-05-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

I learned a little thing in life today,

I now finally know how to tell when's the right time to flip over a piece of lamb, and let it cook properly without it losing it's juiciness and ends up being all hard and a pain in the jaw, or ultimately be burnt to a pitch black crisp. I am now imagining myself wearing a tucked-in golf shirt, with khaki shorts, grilling one perfect juicy lamb on a lawn that stretches the greenest grass, shouting "Son, your meat's ready" while the wife's reading today's newspapers, wearing a sun hat and pink shades under the shade of the self-planted apple tree, eyes still not averting from the paper, saying flatly "Go eat your food (insert future son's name)" .

What the f-in mercy, I better put that on hold now.

Well, Rudi had a mini farewell makan-makan that practiced "Siapa nak makan, panggang sendiri" . And lucky for me, when I was the man behind the grill, that was the time that Rudi's dad came out and saved me with the fore-mentioned life lesson, from eating carcinogenic carbon.

With the sidelines of Lingonberry jam, and a background music of jazz, it kinda felt like fine dining. Minus the sloppiness of one's chewing meat like he hadn't eaten all day, and hair not combed neatly with grease.

I grilled myself this giant burger that costs RM4 a piece, and..

Haiqal : "Tu burger ke begedel ?"

That statement can pretty much give you an idea of how it turned out to look like

After the swell BBQ's done, we went for a little Left 4 Dead.

AND HERE'S THE NEW RECORD :

My team, consisted of me, Matt, Haziq and Ayai killed the opposing team right after they just walked a few steps out of the safe room.

He-he, and I guess my Boomer-exploded-on-all-four-survivors played a big, sorta, role in the mass-murder :B

But sadly, my Tank-ing wasn't much of a good job, with running my life out while I'm on fire, throwing debris onto nothingness, and repeat. Bleh

And a little footnote : Is all the silence turning this to be one big waste ?

Unlike Any Other Mother, She's Super

2009-05-20T10:51:00.001-07:00

As of the 10th of May 2009

For further details on them little eggheads, click HERE

YES, I'M LATE BY 11 days, I know, I just found my usb cable. Thus, the picture, finally.

Mother, mother, mother,
With her love as sweet as nectar,
Gentle is her touch, like the lightest feather,
But yet, her spirit matches the mightiest thunder.

You've seen me grow up mother,
From that little blob of blubber,
To the guy who's now taller than father,
But you know I'll still bear the title "son" forever.

You know what,
In my veins runs the royal blood,
For I am related to the queen,
The queen of my heart

(PHEW THAT WAS PURE CHEESE)

Through everything that happened from the start,
Through tolerating naughtiness, and approving haircuts,
Through showing your friends embarrassing pictures of my butt,
But in the end, those what glued all the working parts.

Sorry for all the undone chores with all my Kejap's,
And sorry for making you wait while I hog the laptop,
But you know this ain't gonna stop,
For I am your son, and that's my job ;)

Now that you've read this,
Can I get extra allowance please ?
HAHA , neh I was kiddin' around,
May God secure you safe and sound :)

Hop Up The Hub

2009-05-15T14:39:00.001-07:00

All I hope for is that,
May all hope is not lost yet.

Well, hopefully.

Glad That The Galaxy Gagged

2009-05-13T13:27:00.000-07:00

I was somewhat bothered, or in awe, or fascinated, or bedazzled, or disturbed, or..Bleh (!) , I don't even know what in the world that I've felt, but it certainly made me wiggle in my seat in all awkwardness to see a familiar villain that used to eat brains for power and kill his own mother, to suddenly sport a hairdo, a clean shave, and eyebrows that look like this :

SAVE SPOCK, SAVE THE WORLD
(and it made sense literally)

All and all, his portrayal of Spock was epic. Star Trek, itself was EPIC.

Loaded with gorgeous CGI's,
Drippin' all over with action-packed PIU-PIU laser-gun duels .
Equipped with an extremely mind-bending storyline that reeks of critical logic (or not).
Filled with hot, smokin' ladie..eh wait now that I've mentioned it, there's only one that I could recall, well you could say two, but the other one has green skin. But skin colour's just skin colour rightttt (y).

HOLY SHIIT SPOILER, SORRY :D . But seriously, go watch it.

Peace out V(n.n)

Pat Pretty Pads

2009-05-13T02:16:00.000-07:00

STORY OF THE DAY :

This morning, my dad found four sanitary pads , YES (!), PERIOD PADS, slapped onto the Volkswagen o.o

...I don't even know on how to feel about this. I've heard of Ah Long pamphlets, "Jika Mahu Jual Sila Hubungi xxxx-xxxx" notes, scratches, offensive drawings on foggy/dusty windshields. But sanitary pads ? , that gotta be the goddarned first.

Go unleash your hormonal imbalance somewhere else biyotch.

Bands Banned Of Blenders

2009-05-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

WILL IT BLEND CHUCK NORRIS ?

This is the part where Paranoia would lay cards in front of me, and on each card's an assumption. Out of the 168861 cards to pick, maybe only one or two sounds optimistic.

Bleh, I know I should be stuffin all of em in a paper shredder or a Blendtec Blender (play the video above, or go search Will It Blend on Youtube) . The act of shredding all pessimism would surely hold my sanity in place.

Well since Chuck Norris doesn't bother me, so I guess it'll blend the rest like cake.

But hm, I guess I just need some reassurance from time to time. That shall further put chains and locks on my forementioned sane well-being.

ANYWAYS, all emo-ness aside, this is just a , YES, ANOTHER (!), side post to just fill up my blog tummy. I can't find the usb wire to transfer the pictures from my phone. Wait up :)

Snort Some Shorty

2009-05-09T05:23:00.000-07:00

A short one,

The fakie flip up on the bank pretty much redeemed the predicted-to-suck-Saturday, thanks for the friendly rivalry Matt :)

Passing On The Pancakes

2009-05-08T13:58:00.000-07:00

What's worse than not getting something is,

Almost getting it, but turned down like a flap of pancake when it's just barely within your reach.

(Situation A)
You just walk away from the breakfast table when you know you're not getting pancakes, but still be jealous at the person who's getting pancakes.

(Situation B)
You're all set at the dining table, with your favourite napkin tucked in your shirt. Suddenly, a heavenly whiff of buttery, milky goodness turns to a smell of scorched shit.

And, and the next thing you'll hear is..

"..I'm sorry (insert a mushy name your mama calls you) , but I don't think we'll be having pancakes for breakfast today"

Which one do you think would cause one to throw plates and sharp kitchen utensils and fail at aiming ? . The answer's obvious, 'cause the other option didn't have any plates and kitchen utensils placed on the table in the first place.

Kid in situation A (Kid A) , giving in to basic human instincts, would laugh menacingly and point a finger at Kid B, or at least have the scene played in his head secretly while trying hard to rip off the ugly grin off his face. Equality can sometimes do that to people.

But soon, seeing how degradingly miserable Kid B is, In aid of guilt, Kid A's face would gradually change like this :

>:D

>:)

>:/

:/

:s

:(

And later, Kid A would give a tap on Kid B's back and say..

"Cheer up kid, that wasn't the last piece of pancake in the world"

If you read this far, you'd think that I'm relating this to a sappy, personal story, but really, it's really about this :

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Cancellation of Jakarta, Indonesia show on May 21st

Bring Me The Horizon regretfully announce that they will not be performing at Hanggar Teras in Jakarta, Indonesia on May 21st 2009. After weeks of negotiation the promoters have still not fulfilled their side of the contract that was previously agreed.

The band felt it was best for their fans that this decision is taken now and not let the promoters sell more tickets for a show that they are not confident will take place.

We advise you to deal directly with the vendor you purchased your ticket from for a full refund as unfortunately this is out of our hands.

Bring Me The Horizon thank everyone in Indonesia for their support and promise to play as soon as possible!

..or if you guys are still not buying it, click this

I feel you fellow neighbours :/ . Sorry for feeling better about myself for a minute there, but I was just being a broke, sore loser. Well, re-reading the last paragraph would cheer you guys up ? :)

Chuck's Truck Got Stuck, What Luck

2009-05-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

Holy crepe, if Bad Luck's a fighting game, my combo would place me first in the top score, unless the guy who rides the blue, 3 wheeled car in Mr Bean decides to have a go :

I feel you bro

I don't remember walking under ladders, or coming across thirteen black cats.
Hodamn, then whyyy.

I still remember the other day, on my friend's birthday barbecue, Azman.
HAPPYY BIRTHDAY BRO ! :D

Anyways,

Bad hair days didn't seem to end yet, well nothing unusual about that, I know Bob have seen better days, altho it usually doesn't last very long. But that's only the tip of the iceberg.

FYI , I've very bad eyesight. The only thing that's available to let me see the world for the day were my expired contact lenses. WHICH, the right side suddenly turned super dry in the evening, leaving me with only one side to work with. For the icing, it was Labour's Day, and my usual optic center was closed (y) & (r) .

Now for the cherry on top of the icing,

The left one fell off right before the party.

...I love my life.

That left me to see everything horribly pixelated for the rest of the day. Like I'm in a bad NES game or something.

Example :

With my lenses,

WANNA BE ON TOP..of me ?

Without the lenses,

In this case, I would be glad that I can't see him/her/herm.
But other than that, I wanna see sunsets and rainbows clearly :(

Then for the barbecue, most of the chickens that I grilled turned pitch black on one side. Except for the sausages, that I smeared loads of ghee on it before grilling, those were scrumptious.

But in the end, how fun the night turned out to be kinda made me forget all about the mishaps :)

And this one happened today,

We first wanted to go to Murni, damn it was closed,

Kam Hyong, it's closed too.

We finally settled for Utara.

Where my order came when everyone's already done with their meals. But that's okay, the soup's good.

THIS MADE MY DAY,

The moment I wanted to get up, my thumb drive (which I hung 'round my neck) got stuck on the table, making the table tilt down, sending almost everything on the table crashing down.

Holy f-k..

All eyes darted on me that instant. Time stood still. Out of the death of all functionality of thought due to the death stroke of Major Embarrassment (it's like villain's name or something, might be featured in Brainsorbet one day, who knows (; ), I walked straight to the car like a jerk without helping them to pick up the scattered plates and glasses. Damn I felt bad :/ .

I'm sorry for my badluck's infectious Eddy, as he reversed the car and hit a motorcycle, which fell on another motorcycle, which fell on another motorcycle. Like dominos. Damnn.

I'm starting to miss my ex, Lady Luck. Come back to me darlin' .

I can ramble on, but it's just gonna sound like a complaint letter to God. I am thankful, yes I am. My tummy's not growlin, and my lungs still pumpin. But, but, I just need to get back with Lady Luck. I mishhh her.

What Worries Me Is Whatever's Watery

2009-04-30T14:55:00.001-07:00

As of 25th Of April 2009

HOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHH (!),
BLUBBUbubublublublulub *sinks in underwater

Today's been wet and wowesome, and wild (I'm dedicating this to Bob) . WE WENT TO A WATERWALLL, I mean, waterfall. And the waterwall got on fire.
(Alright, you may ignore this paragraph, all filled with inside jokes)

Ho man, haven't been to a waterfall, for ages. Went to my last one when I'm still allowed to play in Ikea's playhouse. And it had a big fat diaper floating on it, holy f-k, and I almost drowned out of a little underestimation. Or maybe a lot. The next best thing I could do to experience a waterfall, was to close my eyes, flush a toilet and let my imagination run free (r).

Enough about that.

Someone said with a very Ketat face,

"Esok jumpa pukul 8.30 kau tau, bukan bangun pukul 8.30. Kau lambat, aku tinggal. Serious ni"

Turned out, I did wake up at 8.30, wait I think it was 8.40, and that was, e-early o.o . Thanks Eddy for waking me up with your "Wei kau dah siap ke belum ni ?"

Apu, or formerly known as Acap Myvi, picked me up. Homaigod, wasn't it nice to see him after so, sooo-h long :)

Gathered at Fariz Advanced before we moved out.

Little highlights of the journey :

The thingy on top of Zai's Kembara's car door, I think it's called a visor, frikkin fell off, in the middle of the highway. Nice double-sided tapin' Macgyver. The moment I saw the thing came off, whipped up my phone and texted him :

FAIL

..twice, as moments after that, Azman took another one in.

Somewhere along the journey, we took a short pit-stop to enjoy the view of a beautiful, crystal-blue water filled dam.

Damn, the dam was damned gorgeous. Damnnnn~

Not long after that, after crossing the metal bridge, we're finally there :

Rombongan Surau 4B

The sight of clear waters rushing through the rocks, plus the sound of the steady torrents splashing down.
Beats flushing toilets by 9998989 miles.

Highlights :

The cold stream against the skin, contradicting the hot sun was ah-mazing <3

How an emo(pshheahh -_-) dood, transformed to a fully-qualified Din the burger stall vendor with just one quick splash.

From this :

To this :

There's a part where there was a mini waterfall where you can just lay your back, or head against it for a free Ogawa session of mother nature.

One side of Mior's flip-flops swam away,

Muka hilang selipar

With the remaining one

How can you bathe in a river, without playing skipping stones. Could've done it all day

Cannonball into the water ? , flawless.

A jumping split ? , flawl-KYAKKKKKKKK (!!)

...As the pants ripped a giant hole near my crotch ever so gracefully.

10, 10 , 9.9

The water near the big waterfall was DEEEEH-P . And I don't know what lead me, Faye and Azman towards it. The next thing we know, we were all splishing sploshing trying to get to the surface. Amidst the struggle, I felt someone's back and I pushed him up to the surface, then later swam myself through the shallower part.

Then,

Azman : Eh kau eh yg tolak aku naik tadi ?
Me : Err, entah aku main tolak orang naik je tadi, kau eh tu ?
Azman : Ha'ah, kalau tak aku lemas dah doe tadi. Thanks weh.

:")

Then when we wanted to get out of the water, EACH and every ONE of us, well most of us anyways, had foot cramps. My toe friggin bent 90 degrees downwards, how the f-k did it do that.

And other antiques :)

Al-Tudud

After we're all done and dry, we went up, only to be greeted with the sight of..

FAIL

Apu turned on his engine for too long while waiting for some of us to come up, and the above picture's the result. Sorry man :(

Later, we went to Eddy's house for some keropok's, kuih's and cekodoq's, they were nyummeh :9 .

Damnnnn, this day definitely marked one of the boldest circle in my '09 calendar, that's fer sure :)

Credits for the pictures :

Faye, Eddy, and few were editted by Mior :)

Chrome Bombs In Honeycombs

2009-04-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

(Boomer of Left 4 Dead)

I, feel, like, this, guy.
Minus the ability to puke bile at will.

You know what, I think there's a party going on my face.

Lately, I've been having untimely breakouts, (when's a right time anyways, unless it's Halloween maybe) . Alright fine, so at one phase of life, now deeply regretted, I've been not washing my face properly, imagine sleeping right after hours of sweaty late night skate sessions. Repeated a few days a week.

But now that I'm aware that my cheeks are now getting as bumpy as a bar of Reese's Nutrageous, I've been keeping up with my face-cleansing routine.

Now here's the thing. At one time, I felt that my left cheek's clearing up, it felt smoother than before while my right one's still moon-surface-ish. Alright fine, slowly but steadily I thought.

THEN, now that my right one's getting more presentable, my left one's acting up again. It's not like when I wash my face, I only wash right cheek on Monday, and left cheek on Tuesday and so forth. I friggin smothered it all over, like it was birthday cake or somethin'.

I shall put it like : Right cheek is party place A, got busted, then it moved to party place B the left cheek. Not forgetting the smaller parties too, like one time, one grew on the side of my nose, vanished, the next day,
ONE FRIKKIN GREW UNDER THE CENTER OF MY EYEBROWS LIKE A MISPLACED PINK NANDEK'.

WHEN WILL THE PARTIES EVER ENDD (!) . Mercy .

Parents (in the form of supple, baby bottoms) of the respective party hosts, when will you be home and whoop the asses of all the party peopl- I mean pimples out of my fahhh-ce ?

Sigh.

Anyhoo, this is just a sidepost of what's really coming. Saved it in my drafts oledi, just waiting for the pictures. So, stay tuned ? :)

Darned Drones Draining My Drink

2009-04-24T04:09:00.001-07:00

HAWWWWMAIGOHDD, I am finally over with the most tedious assignment so far. Never have I felt an assignment took a toll, as much as this one. Stayed up til' 7 (7am, mind you) doing it yesterday, and towards the end of it, I can see black dots pulsing in around my vision. HOLY CRAP, I don't even wanna Google on why the f-k did that happen.

Then again, there's noone here to blame, unless Procrastination's a person, I'd surely tie him with C4's and throw him off a cliff or something. The deadline's on Monday, l-la-lasttt Monday. Sigh, Mr Lim, have mercy on me.

Mother, if you're reading this, have mercy too.

One of the other reason why's the assignment been dued to such an extent, is my inability to focus on being focused. I was like, finished with one paper (out of 20++), then I'd like walk around, check out the fridge, go online, and the ultimate time waster, take a snooze. The amount of time wasted, if used well enough, would've made me complete the darned assignment a few days ago.

Bottomline, concentration's the keyword here. I need to concent..Eh lookie (!) , a pwetty butterfly.

Holy crap, I'm screwed.

Brown Clown Bows Down And Frowns

2009-04-19T13:25:00.000-07:00

I thought I've lost my wallet. Stopped myself from falling into a trauma and run around in circles by telling myself that it's not missing, it's just misplaced, somewhere, in the house, which I've searched everywhere inside out. Tried not to think there's a giant tear near the backpocket of my jeans, where I usually put my wallet in. Tried not to think of all the bloody hassles of having to redo everything :

My ATM card (and who knows if I were to do it again, it won't be the one with the cherries on it, I love cherries :( )

My IC (which I honestly, do not mind if I have to retake the picture, it looked more like a male maid permit, rather than an IC) ,

My "L" license (Sure it's still a noob L, but it'd allow me to drive)

Not forgetting the precious valuables that are inside :

Money (Can't recall how much was inside, but with the ATM card missing..)

My Exeggutor credit card (Inside joke, do not bother, but it holds a bit of a sentimental value)

OH , AND IT'S MY DAD'S OLD WALLET WHICH HE GAVE ME TO USE FOR THE TIME BEING, AND THE BRAND SOUNDS SOPHISTICATED ENOUGH TO BE EXPENSIVE :((

This gigantic proportion of a gut-wrenching dread, was finally cleared off when :

Rape the typo, I love cars

THANKS EDRA-, I mean Eddy, I DO OWE YOU A MILLION JUGS :D . For this, and for the other particular thing. Don't worry man, turn that frown upside down, we're here for you to mingle with :)

For A Nickel, He'll Tickle Your Pickle

2009-04-15T13:28:00.000-07:00

Imagine this,

You're in a streak of fast replies, and when suddenly, this shit happens :

You want to type a simple sentence, as such :

"So, what are you doing ?"

Simple ain't it. you go type,

So, what are (the keypad lag comes in) y (5 seconds) o (5 seconds) u

It gets on your nerve so you go berserk on your phone's innocent keypads, SPAMMMMMRGHH

The screen pauses for while,

And then, the backlight blacks out,

Soon the backlight goes back on again, yeay :D

But, now your innocent message shall look like this :

Hey, what are yoskajdlsajdksndjlasjdsadnnasdkj

The screen pauses, yet again, hoorah

Oh and here comes the killer part :D

Your screen turns white as snow, and kapoot* , then the phone f-in restarts itself.

Noice (y)

Ooohh boy, the excitement doesn't stop there, oh no

Ready ?

The phone will then take around 20 minutes to half an hours time, for the phone from hell to load itself, YEAP, 20 MOTHEREFFFINNN MINUTESSSSS!@#$%^&

Finally after forever, your phone's memory finally loads. You type back what you intended to send in the first place,

So, what are you doing ? (Still with minor delays but that's okay)-> Sending Message -> Message Sent -> Delivered To (insert name here)

You let out a sigh of relief, finally you said. Then, the once fast-paced messaging to-and-fro combo, has now lost it's streak, as the receiver takes a longer time than usual to reply to such a simple message. For about 6 hours later, a message comes in,

"Sorry, I fell asleep yesterday"

And you're aware of the fact that, this repeats 5 to 6 times a week,

Yes, I know.

Breathe in, bite your lips, pull your hair, pinch somewhere sensitive, to stop yourself from letting out a death punch to the nearest living thing around you.

EH WAIT,

OH NO WONDERRR I'VE 6000++ MSGS IN MY INBOX, AND 2000++ MSGS IN MY SENT ITEMS, LOLLL XDD !!

-__-

But then again, this has taken too much of my time, and mostly, my precious life. SO, I decided, to finally send my phone to format it down to it's core last Tuesday. Yes, I did create a backup to every single message that once clogged up my memory like hairballs in a bathroom sink. So what, I just don't like deleting things permanently okay. It's like reading back a story if you read your messages from the back. And deleting one message is like ripping a page out. Keep the "????" signs on your head to yourself, I'm weird I know, but that's how I roll 8)

Sent it to Nokia Center in One Utama, watched a movie while waiting for the tech-wiz's to do his magic (The Shinjuku Incident wasn't all that bad, it was awesomee) . When I came to collect my phone, the bill came in to a whopping price of rm 400++ . WHATHAFAK o.o . He said that there were water marks in it, and the LCD's screwed up. But I think he just wanted extra commissions and a pat on his head by his Boss. I said, "Nvm lah, no need to repair, format pun format je la" .

Switched on my phone back, and THE MESSAGE MEMORY LOADED FOR A LIGTHNING 8 SECONDS :D . That felt refreshing. Haaaaah 8)

"You tauu, yr replying quite fast. Wow. Haha. Rasa Funny.."

Haha :)

One Hundred And Sixty Eight Nuggets

2009-04-12T11:57:00.000-07:00

This is as random as Rick Astley, but since I've nothing else better to do (Well, I've my Typography assignment, but that can wait), I've something for you guys to not give a damn about :

Onesix-friggin-tyeight man (!)

The pictures above, both showed the statistic of my Google Adsense, and in total I've made a dollar and sixty eight sense. Boo yeayh ($.$) . And in the other one, it showed 168 impressions.

Haha to those who's not aware of the significance of the number 168, well it's just simply the glorious date that I, Ahmad Ashraf bin Romli, descended on planet Eart..Blegh no need for over-dramatic sentences to just avoid looking like I'm promoting when's my birthday and have this post to secretly be a reminder to bring me presents, I swear to god that is not my intention, what's my real motive is to just state that, my favourite number is, one hundred and sixty eight :)

To the extent, that I picked my phone number to be 01*-*6868** . Then I picked my email to be ashruff168, and ignore how I spelled my name, who would've known, the period of time when I want to register an email, is the time, I secretly was a fan of Ruffedge. Curses. Then, I got over-excited when the number on a sticker in my phone's CE 168, etc..

Then, this habit, that subconsciously has embedded in me, of counting, eating, taking, picking, kicking, touching, tapping, everything that's connected to the number 168. For example, there's a plate of hot, freshly fried Cekodok, I would stay restless if I've only downed 3 pieces, I will take another one, to make it 4. Why 4 ? , because 4x4 would give out 16, and 4+4 would give 8, thus, 16 and 8, 168. We all know that it's almost impossible to only eat 4 of those banana-tasting, oversized mole, then I would not stop at 5, but will at 6, because 6 is in the number 168, 7, yes, because 1+6 ( because there's sixteen) is 7, and definitely 8, because it's August. This will stretch to eating 16 Cekodok, or if I still can't curb it in, I'll have 24, because 16+8 is 24. If let's say, I had a little too much, and I've lost count, then when I want to stop eating them, I would have my final four, or any particular, allowed number. Or else, it's gonna leave my tummy restless like it's expecting Diarrhea.

For example, if I'm practicing a new trick, I always take try no. 4 or any allowed number, to be lucky, just so that it'll tighten my focus to properly do that trick. Or, like, if my dad already went "ACAAFFF (he calls me that), masukkk Maghrib dah nak dekat ni" , I would go "Okay Pa, kejap last, last" . This will then leave me, to try the trick, for the 4th last time, or if there's no new trick, I would just conclude the day with kickflip-ing four times. This is only two, of the countless scenarios where I would apply this concept in. Believe it or not, I even made an imaginary guide on how this concept works, and what just don't, for example, the number thirteen, sure 1+3 is 4, but there's just something about number 13 that's unsettling (or maybe because it's just widely known as THE unlucky number, d'uhh).

Bunch of bullfaeces I know, but it's already went down as a habit, I can't kick it out, and I'm not bothered to do so. I'd still be excited if I see anything that's 168 (especially in trivial facts or birthdays) . Like this one time, where my cousin bought some two teen mags. I browsed through and in the Horoscopes session, BOTH, celebrities that were featured, in the starsign Leo, had their birthday to be the golden 16th of August. If I'm not mistaken, it was Madonna and Vanessa Carlton (Hee, she's cute) . Coincidence or what huh ? 8) . Felt lucky throughout the whole darned day.

Haha don't worry, I won't take it to extreme heights like, going to Sports Toto and go bet on number 1688, or 1681, 1686, etc, and go dig up a corpse and melt some chin oil or shit. Altho, I won't be surprised if I'd fork out a few hundred thousand bucks just so that my number plate will look like this ASH 168. HAHA . Neh. But do expect future random posts involving interesting encounters of the number 168 :)

ONE HUNDRED SIXTY EIGHT...OF GLORRYYYYY (!) *inside joke

Dangnangit, I've too much free time.

An Auntie's Entity

2009-04-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

Hoy, I mis*some text missing*

HAHAHAHAHAH :)

Motiveless post, but just felt like jotting that down (r)

Battered Up Bitter Butter

2009-04-10T13:32:00.000-07:00

Apart from being one of my all time favourite skater, this guy's also a straight-up genius of his own goddarned league. Sure his theories and whatnots would not gain him a portrait in any physic's text books, or have his name to be a measure of something, but how his brain works, is just as epic as how his feet are. (Double Hardlip nyone' ?) . Get a load of this, and let it open a few switches on your brain that you thought you never had :

So here's my man, Donovan "ButteryAss" Strain

If you think that's bullcrap, then you're doomed to wear ties to work, and a Batik shirt to openhouses for the rest of your life.

Check out the other ButteryAssMondays too, awesomeness leaks in each of every one of them.

http://www.youtube.com/user/ButteryAssMondays
(Recommendations : ep . Grape Ice Cream, ep. ButteryAss Tricktips, ep. Grape Flips, etc)

Groovy Gravy Grave

2009-04-09T10:05:00.000-07:00

Chekkauutt the banner my friend, FAYE, did for me. Awesomeness ain't it. I owe him a flamethrower too :D

vanquiesh-the-ventiloriquist,

vainquish-the-verntlioruquist,

vanqoish-the-vlentiloquist

vushsuhsuhu-the-vlelelelele

vshuinqui-the-vlotuqstktllskdjlsdlaskd...BLAH !!!!, F - K THIS, IMMA HEAD OVER TO ENGRISH

...So therefore, I'm changing my art blog's url to a more keyboard friendly,

http://brainsorbet.blogspot.com/ :)

Wanting Wontons Would Not Win You One

2009-04-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

Today's definitely not one of those "repeat-a-cycle" days, infact it's been fairly awesome :)

Today, I landed a trick,( well make it trick(s) 'cause it's a combo of two, a kickflip and a fs boardslide), that I've been working on since forever. Although it moved on the rail at a whopping speed of a centimetre per hour, and the wheels came to a halt the moment the deck landed on the cement, but the feeling was, was, orgasmic. And no, I did not jizz in my pants.

I also sprained the same ankle, for the third time. And I know who's laughing the loudest, and I'm not surprised if she fell off the chair while she's at it, and would still not stop laughing, 10 minutes later. Thanks a lot for your ever comforting support, you numbnut -_- .

Eddy and Faye were already waiting outside my gate when I got home, and they've witnessed my Blanka-like post-skating hair. Got ready, and got an unsuspecting remark from Faye, "Eh cepat pulak kau siap eh Acap ?" . I sat proudly at the backseat, feeling proud of the tiny accomplishment that no one would've given a damn on. Then, on the discussion on where to go :

Eddy : Eh so nak pergi mana ni ?
Me : Jom makan kat Dani Salleh jom ?
Faye : Who the f- , tu bukan mamat college kita ke ?
Me : Eh ha'ah, apa nama tempat cina muslim tu ha ?
Faye : Tu Mohammad Chan Abdullah la.
Me : Eh ha'ah la, macam mana sial boleh jadi Dani Salleh.
Faye, Eddy : ....

Soon, when we got there

Eddy : Eh Muhammad Chan ke ? , aku dengar kau cakap Muhammad Shan tadi.
Me : ....

*btw Shan is an inside joke, that's what we call a middle-parted hairstyle, Belah Tengah. Perfect examples : Khai AF, Adam AF2 , and Tomok Newboyz

Malik joined us later, haven't seen the dude for ages, I sure do miss..his dad's nasi briyani. Haha jk bro. He seriously lost some serious weight. I looked down on my jelly belly the moment I took notice of his shrinkage, and let out a sigh.
Zai joined us, way wayy later, equipped with his parking skillz and his ever so trademark ketat face. Hish, Abang Bobok ni, cenyum la cikit. WTF, that scared me too, moving on..

Malik had to go back 5 minutes after Zai's arrival. We then moved on to Faris Advanced for Zai wanted a cheaper dinner. But damn, Abang Zack (the shisha guy) wasn't there.

Then, there were the repeated wake-up calls, thanks a lot guys :) . Eddy, I know if you were my therapist, you would've jumped out your apartment window by now, but thanks for bearing a lot with my crappity craps. And the rest of the gang too, manly chestbumps for tolerating my unintented nonsense, but like how they say, "Rome wasn't built in a day" , or heck, I don't think it was even built in two days, or three. Little by little, it'll be a hill lah :) (Sikit sikit lama lama jadi bukit). By saying that, I'm not hoping for my manboobs to grow any bigger fyi.

Oh yeah, I got bored and played with the lighter to burn my receipt to a heart shape. As usual, it was an epic fail, but somehow, when one of the Ane' picked up the paper, it became an epic win. Why ? Because I heard he muttered
"Guruggagadalagaga-India Map-gurugalagadagaga" .
HOLY SHIT (!) , I FRIKKIN CREATED A MAP OF INDIA without even knowing how it looked like in the first place. The Ane' (which had a very unique Shan) , then showed off the receipt to his fellow Ane's . He even asked me if he can keep it. Fer sure mann (y) , go frame it up or something. When we all were walking back to our cars, I looked back, and I saw the Ane still showing off the India Map receipt . Man, I was as proud as hell. Another artwork appreciated.

See the resemblance ?

All and all, the ingredients of what makes a good day, today definitely covered most of it. Imma look up for some Rowan Atkinson's stand-ups. Later :)

Brittle Turtle Tilts And Topples.

2009-04-06T12:38:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or there's a mysterious rectangle that pops out around my banner, everytime I open my blog, and disappears the moment the page has loaded. Damn, whathef- is that o.o

Reminds me of the time, where hackers on Myspace managed to place invisible boxes, that hovers around tempting links such as "View my pics" , that will lead to a fake Myspace home page, asking you to log in again. The suckers will then suddenly be spamming "Girls aren't lying when they say size doesn't matter.." all over the place. Epic.

Shit, I just hope what's in my blog ain't that shit. Imma go and check some fishy HTML's.

Fatal April Apple Pt. 2

2009-04-03T13:38:00.001-07:00

I think I found something in my disposal that's April Fool's worthy too, only it's not recorded on April Fool's , and today's not even April 1st to be uploading such videos in the first place, but who gives a rat's ass ain't it, or any critters's ass for that matter.

Check this one out :D :

FAIL
*Featuring Faye (the one in blue)

Sorry for spoiling the video by rotating it, was for the sake of watching the video's in fullscreen on my phone, so I do not need to rotate my phone, but then again it's easier to rotate a handheld device, rather than a computer monitor, this won't happen again, SORRY !

ANYHOO,

Did you hear the big, wet SPLAPPPP (!) when the mop smooched his face ? . Damnnn that gotta hurt. The thing scared the shit out of him so bad that he fell flat on his butt. Poor fella had his tongue to taste like soap too, 'cause the mop bitch-slapped his face, with his mouth opened. C-CC-C-COMBOO. I'm sorry man, but you know how we roll :D . A MANN WALK ON THETHEDEDEDED MOOOOOOHNNN ! (inside thing) .

Well gimme some knuckles man, I was a victim before you. Curse you AzLAN-CAU ! . Haha peace V(n.n)V . Now where the f-k did that smiley came from.

Love you too bro (r)

Fatal April Apple

2009-04-01T13:43:00.000-07:00

In honour of the 1st of April 2009, I've a little somethin' somethin' :D :

FAIL

APRIL FOOOOOOOOOOOOLS ABANG BOBOKKKKK ! :D

So practically the prank was pulled by replacing the cream of the Oreo, with a generous spread of good ol' TOOTHPASTE :D . And thanks for making the prank twice as epic by eating it with the twist-lick-dunk technique man, you licked it like a champ. How d'ya like the new mint-flavoured Oreo huhhhhh ? >:D . THAT'S FOR SHOOTING MY ASS WITH THEM BB-GUNS B-TCH !! . Hahahaa. Nice one VEYY, chill bro :)

Ain't the most original idea ever tho, my classmates did it wayyy back when I was in highschool. Oh and my friend Emily told me on MSN that she was a victim of the same twisted prank too (which the conversation started with me pranking her that I ran over a cat and was all panicky about it).

Oh and I wasn't let off the hook too. My mum's friend, which I call him Brian, usually will send me and my sister top up codes, each month. He's awesome I know. Earlier the afternoon, the codes came in, keyed it in, to no avail. Still not aware of what's the date, I told him "The top-up code's invalid lah Brian :/" with all pure gullibility. Then the reply, unsuspectingly I read, "HAPPY APRIL FOOOLSS ASHH ! :D " . Dangit. Haha, but then again without that, I wouldn't be aware that today's April Fool, therefore, there would be no such epic video as uploaded above. So thanks Brian ! :D

Happy April Fools do0dz and do0detteZ :) . Do share me your April Fool stories (y)

Hide Beside The Slide

2009-03-31T11:31:00.000-07:00

After weeks, or maybe a month, tolerating the disheartening fact that it hurts to flick my board out of a faulty ankle. Today, finally I can kickflip again :D , *yeay. Although it still sting a lil' when I overworked the flipping motion, but all and all, it felt goooooooooooood to roll on those wheels and burst the sweat out back again :)

Oh and, I guess I still suck at sorting out stuffs. I'm sorry man :/

Scorched Torch On The Porch.

2009-03-28T12:28:00.000-07:00

You would not believe on what had just happened. And yes, this is the fastest update ever because it happened just a few seconds ago. Yes, readers, seconds(from the moment this paragraph was written). Go gasp in awe.

Read This :

My house ALMOST got on frikkin fire.

I was online-ing like the usual, breathing, like the usual UNTIL what I breathed in, smelt funny. It smelt like roasted chestnuts. I don't like that smell. First, I ignored it, maybe it's just the smell of toast, who knows my dad accidentally burned a bread black when he was making supper. Then, the smell gets stronger, and it started to choke my throat. Soon, it smelled reallly, REALLY baaaaaahdd, so I just had to go out of my room to check where the hell the smell's coming from. The moment my door was opened, what greeted my sight made me go WHATTHEEFAKKKKKKKKKKKKK O___O !!

I saw smokes, puffs and puffs of it. And it smelled so sharp and bad, it made my eyes water. I trailed the source of the smoke, and I saw a smokin' pot containing a healthy lump of I-don't-know-what-the-f**k-it-used-to-be. I saw

THIS:

FAIL

I quickly then switched off the fire, wanted to enlarge my nostrils for I did something a little heroic, but it smelt horrible, so I didn't.

I woke my parents up then, to tell them what had just happened. A small, teeny weeny argument happened, on who used the stove last. Turned out it was Dad, he was boiling sugar to make pickled mangoes and forgot to turn off the fire. Who would've an idea in the world, that something as sweet as sugar could turn out to look that nasty. Damn. That looked almost as bad as a horribly sunburned pair of George W. Bush's asses.

I'm just glad that nothing exaggerated to something worse. Alhamdulillah

Oh, and BTW, Happy Earth Hour you guys :)

Do Not Rot Little Knots.

2009-03-27T14:47:00.001-07:00

You know what I need right now ? I bet you don't.

What I want is, to suddenly implode, and burst right up to the sky, and mess up what's on the ground with the shock waves. And then, up in the infinite blue plains, there will be fluffy clouds, that gather to hold my retreat, my escape, my ventilation, and MINE alone.

And what will greet me is a door. Those kind where you'll have to go through at the airport, and will beeeeepppp if there's anything metallic you are carrying. But this door right here, instead of metal stuffs, it'll detect, all the shit, all the clutter, all the barbed wires that wraps around your brain, and your weighing chest. You'll feel a little tingle, and see your problems, after the other, being collected and be put in a bin for safekeeping right before your eyes. All's good, and you're good to go. The moment you take off your filthy shoes and step pass through the line..

YOU

FEEL

NOTHING

You walk around on the bouncy clouds, and feel the softness of the white ground, stroking the soles of your feet,glancing around to look for that perfect spot to just unwind. You pick the very edge of the cloud, dust off the part where your ass will lay, slowly you will sit down along with letting a sigh of relief and let your feet dangle over the clouds.

As the soothing breeze whips through your hair (at this point, no matter how bad of a hairday you're having, suddenly it'll be shampoo ad material) , and the sweetest oxygen sweeps and cleanse through your chaotic insides, you will enjoy the view below you. You'll see a prematurely bald middle-aged man, rushing to and fro of his office cubicle everyday without fail, and see his hair gradually falls as the work papers pile up. You'll see a fat guy with a moustache, swimming across his swimming pool of dollar bills, and a blind man smiles an inch wider everytime he hears a clank in the metal cup in between his frail hands. You'll see murders, upon murders out of vengeance and lust, failed to be kept behind metal bars of their mind. You'll see suicides, performed in every imaginable way possible, out of countless scenarios of how life backfires, and gazillions reasons why, do they do it, to only end ONE, single thing. Sad. You'll see a pony-tailed, plump princess, getting whatever in the world she wants, and if you turn your head a little bit, you'll see a small, bony figure, prying off bits of rice on the ground shooing off the flies, hovering about him. You'll see the gentlest heart tap, to the nastiest heart shatter. You'll see tears, one rolls down over smiling cheeks, the other wets a dry frown. You'll see butterflies dancing round a field of daisies, and maggots squirming on lifeless corpses and carcasses. You'll see how lies constructs a giant temporary structure, to be only demolished by a single blow of honesty. You'll see lost souls, drowning in the sea of alcohol and be crushed with icebergs of drugs. You'll see bullets fly, bombs drop and innocent lives taken, with a background music of a sinister laughter. You'll see a little kid hates love itself and find love in hating. And that's only a fraction among other things that you'd never have an idea of. You close your eyes, and you get up.

You can't take it anymore, it's too overwhelming.

One last look at the earth below you, and you head back to the door. The shits in the bin you left out earlier, all sucked into your chest like a vortex. You shake your head, not wanting to go back down. But suddenly, you'll feel a vague force, pushing you down. Caught off-guard, you pummel down to earth like a comet. You see the earth that used to look like a tiny notch of brown, to be clearer, and nearer, and closer ANDD..

THUD !

You wake up from a dream that required no sleep, with an alarm clock by the brand of Reality.

Damn

Check The Wreck Jack

2009-03-25T02:06:00.000-07:00

Hey do0dz and do0dettez, I've just a made side-blog to house in the contents of my brain :)

Checkkiittaaauuut :

http://vanquish-the-ventriloquist.blogspot.com/

Enjoiieeeeeeee :)

Honesty On A Stick.

2009-03-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

If it has a door, it'll look something like this.

Holy shit, not again.

I'm starting to think it was never their fault, well not for the most part of it at least. You were all different, but it will always ends up the same way. So that could only roll down to one conclusion,

I, just, plainly suck.

What bummed me out the most is that, it all went kapoot right before I could even prove my potential. I'm sick of it I tell you, sick of falling in it and falling out of it. It made gravity a joke, because you thought you were going up, with a jetpack running on the fuel of hope and sweet sentences, when it was a busted parachute all the whole while. I'm tired.

If you think you're scared of our kind to grow a pair of horns and a tail towards the end of the phase (mostly triggered by those who thinks by the tail in front), and keeping em even after the phase is over, then imagine the fear of those who begs to differ, on repeated rejections.

What the hell's wrong with me man. Damn,I need a can of Redbull to brush this haywire off my chest.

There's No Other Awesome-er Mother

2009-03-18T12:22:00.000-07:00

As Of 15th Of March 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHERR ! <3 :) ♥

The continuation of this post shall be pending, it's supposed to be put up with somethin-somethin that I'm currently working on :)

Deary Demeanour For Dining In The Diner For Dinner

2009-03-16T14:01:00.000-07:00

This is just a random one, just for the sake of sympathy to see what's on the right side of my blog, under the archives. Sigh, March (2), I am sorry . Alright, now make it March (3) ! :D

Highlights of the day ?

I'll do it tomorrow :)

See yehh !