FLATULENCE ON FIRE

IMAGINE YOUR OWN ADVENCHAH.

Page 1

You're a half-dragon breed. Yes, it's pretty awesome on one note, but it gets pretty depressing when you spurt out live fire when you have a sneezing fit. You have a split tongue too, which would only backfire the teasing, back to you if you were to stick out your tongue to someone.

You have tiny wings to provide you with impermanent flight. Yes, you'd only hover for a certain amount of time, you're still a kid dragon. Horns? Hell-yeah. I think it's one of your most prized possession, your horns are. It's shaped like a crescent and it's tinted in purple hue, while your scales are dark emerald in shade. Epic colour combo? Sure is. You don't have a tail, as retarded as it may seem, you're only a HALF dragon breed, so you have human legs. Don't point you finger at me that your mom fell in love with a full-grown Mountain Dragon which fell upon a curse and became a man after he met with a Shaman. Genes still runs in you. The shaman now charges a ridiculous amount to befell that transformation now, so you're either screwed or blessed.

Page 2.

One fine sunny day, your mom is suddenly in the mood to make her famous mushroom stew of which you admitted to be awesome eventho you swiped your plate clean off to your pet chihuahua. The chihuahua died, and you're the one to blame. Mom thought the constant mini seizures was the Grim Reaper to Chewy. Chewy the chihuahua, now that's a mouthful. The burden of killing your own pet is still upon you, but you'd join her grave too if you were to admit it to Mom. So, in order to not make a fuss, and make excuses on not wanting her to make that stew, you agreed on your mom's order to harvest some Hillshire's Mushrooms to make that said stew. But those 'shrooms aren't just available abundantly, the journey itself is pretty perilous and you don't have a clear idea where Mount Hillshire is. But that's okay, you have a friend to guide you, a fairy. A fat one. A small, fat guy fairy who wears a tutu and have a 5 o'clock shadow to boot. Balding too, and his pits stink. But he has his antennas to locate places, so he's vital for you to not get lost on your way to get the mushrooms.His name is Alfredo. Or, you could always borrow your neighbour's Sniffles, which is a Dogoblin, a mix-breed of a dog, and a goblin. It has excellent sense of smell, to help you track your way to get the mushrooms.

Scroll down to page 3 if you choose Alfredo to be your guide.

Ctrl+F your way to page 4 if you want to choose the Dogoblin.

Page 3.

So you head off with Alfredo to get the mushrooms before dawn. Dum, di dum, di dum, as you stroll out of town with your fat fairy. His antennas would twitch now and then, to sense the direction to Mount Hillshire. But as you peeked closely, you noticed that one of his antennas are cut. You asked him, "Dude, is it just me, or you're left with one antenna now?". He is silent for a while, closed his eyes and raged out "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BIT IT OFF REMEMBER?!, YOU WERE DRUNK ON CHERRY ALE, AND YOU THOUGHT THAT MY ANTENNA WAS A RAT'S TAIL!!". It hit you on your scaly forehead. O' yea. It's a shame that you would get tipsy on a kid's drink, but you're a dragon. You can drink a barrel of beer without even a hiccup, but one kiddy box of Cherry Ale, you would knock yourself out senseless. Out of anger and irrationality, Alfredo lost track of his tracking along the way. He needed to concentrate, you see. You regret on asking about his antenna, but you know this isn't the familiar track to the mountains. It's hard to admit that you're lost. You flutter your wings to check what's ahead and all you see is long stretch of a dusty dessert. The plains are filled with octagonal cacti, colours varying from dark red, to light pink. So, what's your deal? To go on ahead just incase it's a shortcut, or turn back and retrace your footsteps from there?

Ctrl + F to CACTI PLAINS to go on straight

Ctrl + F to REVERSE to go back and do over.

Page 4.

You're not on good terms with Alfredo anyways since that biking incident, and you can't stand his stench too, so you decided to borrow Uncle Gale's Dogoblin, Sniffles. A leash round' her neck and you're set to go. As mean as Sniffles look, she's a gentle one. She has a set of blunt teeth, and would only eat berries and biscuits. You wrap the leash round your hands firmly, as you guide her to the mountains. You took the last remaining Hillshire's Shrooms' from your mom so that Sniffles would sniff it out and trace the way for you. "Arf, Arf!" barked Sniffles as she picked up the scent. You smiled, as you thought it'd be a breeze. Uncle Gale warned you somethin' about somethin', but you were in a hurry so you didn't pay much attention to him. You just want to get those mushrooms by dawn. As painful as it is to think that you have to stuff the mushrooms down your throat later, as you know it tastes like peas and liver. The most lethal combination of flavours in the history of delicacies. But o' well, whatever that makes Mom happy.

You walked and walked, and you've covered quite some distance. Sniffles is panting slightly, she looks hungry. You checked your pockets and you thank the Heavens, there's a packet of cinnamon biscuits you didn't finish earlier. "Here Sniffles, get'cho noms." She munched down in delight and her pace from there on seems more energetic. But you know that's not enough. You promised to stop by and feed her if you see a bush of berries afterwards.

As you go on ahead, you thank the Heavens again, there are two bushes bearing berries healthily. But they look unfamiliar, however they look tasty enough for a mutt to munch on. There are two, one is small and slightly spiky but not sharp enough to slit a throat, and is orange in colour. You randomly name it the Spiky Sunset. The other one is deep black and spiral in shape. You call it the Spiral Blackhole. Which one would you feed Sniffles, you indecisive smut?

Ctrl + F SPIKY SUNSET or, the SPIRAL BLACKHOLE.

CACTI PLAINS.

O' well, you thought. Maybe this is a new route to the mountains, and it's always refreshing to see new sights. You dragged Alfredo along, and you managed to calm him down by giving him cinnamon biscuits you found wedged in your pocket. You're not naked, just to make it clear to some who's imagining it wrongly. All wardrobe implications are subjective. After the biscuits, Alfredo is now in full gear, and you'd watch your words from now on as you know Aflredo is Mr. Touchy-Me-Not. It's hard to walk by the sands and it's sinking you down. So you dcided to fly over the plains. You flutter your wings as hard you can, and there you are, airborne. But remember, you are only hovering. As your flight gets lower, and you get nearer to one of the cacti, and to your surprise, it bounces you off like a trampoline once you hit it. It's not sharp at all, and it's consistency is like a jelly's. You have an idea, instead of walking heavily through the damp sands, it's better off to bounce off from one cactus to another. Alfredo thought it's a stupid idea, so he just flew along. WHEEEEeee~, as you bounce off from one jello-like plant to the other, to the other, to the other, to the other. "-_-" is smudged on Alfredo's face as you do so. But it's okay, he's missing all the fun. Alfredo is such a sour puss. But you do not dare say it to his face, as he might throw another fit.

You're right, it IS a shortcut to the mountains. To your luck, you see a faint outline of Mount Hillshire upfront as you bounce in further. And the fact that Alfredo is silent about your decision to go forwards is that, he knew deep down, that you two are on the right track too. So, hooray.

CTRL+F = FUCKYEAH

REVERSE.

You think it's not such a good idea to follow on an unfamiliar route so you decided to go back and do over. But you're already lost in the first place, so even tracking back would only lead you deeper into Lostville. The antennas that Alfredo bears, would be able to track backwards too, but since one it cut, it's not that efficient. He shrugged his shoulders as a sign that he's not too sure too. But nevermind, your dragon guts tells you that it won't be that hard. You go deeper and deeper into your route, til' what seemed like a set of thin threes and bits of bushes, gradually turns into a full-grown forest. It gets darker too, not for the fact that the sky is dawning black, but the canopy of the forest is getting thicker, and thicker. You take a piece of wood, set it on fire with your dragon breath, and a torch is ready to guide you out. But all you see, around you, are trees, and more trees. Light is getting more faint, and more faint as you scuffle you way through. Alfredo is already crying, the pink tutu shall indicate that he's afraid of measly things like, darkness. As you go in deeper, you see a swamp, a musty old swamp, with decaying roots piercing through the surface. But you see light at the end of the swamp, thus an exit. What are you gonna do now? Stay at the same spot, or swim through the swamp to get to the other side?

CTRL+F ;

STAY

SWAMP

SPIKY SUNSET

You decided to feed her the Spiky Sunset. They look much tastier than the dull-coloured Spiral Blackhole anyhoo. "OM NOM NOM". The juice of the berries splattered a bit to your arms, as she chomped down on those berries. And to your horror, it's corrosive on your scales. Your scales bubble up, and fizzle along a very sharp pain. Your eyes bulge up. If this reacts like this on hard scale, imagine how it'd be on poor Sniffl- too late. As you avert back your eyes to Sniffles, she's already on her back, rolling in despair. Her mouth is foaming in red. Blood. And foam, leaks out from the poor mutt's mouth. Her eyes are contrasting to white and her barks are weak. Not too long, until her barks are heard no more. and her eyes - her dead eyes just stares back at you.

CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU HAVE MURDERED ANOTHER PET, YOU TWISTED PIECE OF SHIT.

Being lost in the middle of nowhere with a dead dog to guide you, and the possibility of being murdered by Uncle Gale if you manage to find your way back ; you are eternally screwed. Uncle Gale knows about how you fed Chewy the mushrooms too. O' whelp.

THE END.

SPIRAL BLACKHOLE

You take a healthy bunch of the Spiral Blackhole's with one hand and give it to Sniffles. She seems to like it, as she chomps them down in such glee. You take another helping of the berries, and bend down to feed her some more. But something's not right with how Sniffles is eating those berries. Normally, she'd have a small bites and eat them softly in such good manner. But, she's chomping those berries like she's chowing down a piece of juicy meat vigorously. Maybe the berries are that good you thought. But you're wrong. The thing Uncle Gale tried to warn you is that, do NOT feed her berries that you are CURRENTLY feeding her. Why? It'd awaken her carnivorous side and would switch an innocent mutt, to a ferocious fuck-you-up. The berries are that good because it is DRAGON-MEAT FLAVOURED. WHAT ARE THE ODDS, YOU ARE HALF-DRAGON AFTERALL. Sniffles took a scent of the mushroom earlier, and took a sniff of your smell too. Her eyes turns blood red, and her fangs are now like knives, embedded in between foamy gums. You try to take flight and run from the murderous mutt but o' boy, the berries would turn her super agile too. She chases you, although you're flying. No - you're hovering. It won't be long til' you fall into her longing jaws. You drop feet-first, and that's the first thing Sniffles rip off. You drag yourself away with your arms, unable to walk. But what's good a dragon with a missing leg to propel oneself. I am sorry, but you are now dog chow.

Uncle Gale lost an arm thanks to the berries you fed her. And he fed Sniffles ONE measly berry. You gave Sniffles a HANDFUL Thus, you're down to an eyeball.

THE END.

STAY

You decided to stay. The swamp looks nasty anyhoo. Maybe if you circle around the swamp, you'd find yourself an exit too. So you do just that, as you track yourself around the swamp, in hope of meeting an exit. Little did you know, the swamp is one of the biggest swamp in whole of Giul (your world). So trying to trace the swamp seem endless, and the sky's turning black too. In mixture on how thick the canopy is, your plain of sight is reduced significantly to a pitch black. U'oh, what now. Your torch is useless, as it'd only highlight two steps ahead of you. The THIRD step ahead is out of your vision, and that's exactly what you are stepping on.

ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

That doesn't sound too welcoming. Congratulations, you have stepped on the tail on a very deadly Gnarlbacker. Your torch highlights two things before you are met with your inevitable doom. VERY, SHARP FANGS, and EIGHT eyes to ensure you that the beast can see you wherever you decide to run to.

THE END.

SWAMP.

INSTANT DEATH

The End.

FUCKYEAH

You are now at the foot of Mount Hillshire. It's a sight to admire, with pine trees adorning the side-skirts of the hills, and a waterfall, rushing through branch-like trails. Climbing is an easy chore for a dragon with gripping claws like you, you lucky son of a gun you. So, you climb merrily to the top. The mushrooms aren't on the summit, so you don't have to climb all the way up. Along the way, your eyes are met with a cavern. Do you want to make a pit-stop to the cavern, or waste no time and continue climbing upwards?

Scroll down to CAVERNS or CTRL+F ; UPWARDS.

CAVERNS.

You decided to enter the caverns, and what a sight to behold, the mushrooms are abundant. You pick them up and put them in your basket. Yes, you were a carrying a basket along. Telling you too early will make you think that this is some gay Red Riding Hood and make you stop reading, but since you're already this far into the ADVENCHAH, it's too late to turn back is it. IS IT.

Anyways, yes the basket. It's filled with the mushrooms your mom asked for. As unrealistic as the chore is, you've made it. THE EN - BUT WAIT, A long tongue suddenly stretches from the dark depth of the cave and wraps itself around you, making your basket to tumble downhill. AH FUCK. Not only that, you've managed to disturb the nest of the great Rapture, a snake the size of a hut. And you're only in the size ratio of a rat. Alfredo? He's outside, he's afraid of the dark. Pink Tutu = scared of gay things. But being gay saved him, you're not gay. You're a proud, manly, dragon. Too bad, to boast about that is too late as the tongue pulls you in. Stomach acid is the death of you my boy.

THE END.

UPWARDS

"It's almost dawn, better hurry the fuck up.", you thought. As you climb up 1/4 of the mountains, you can already see a flat bedding of grass waiting for you ahead. Ah, the mushrooms should be there, you whisper to yourself. You climb, and climb more upwards, your claws are becoming sore. But, the mushrooms are already almost within reach, so you march on ahead.

After several more push, you manage to pull over yourself up, to the spot where the mushrooms should be. To your dismay, the plains are empty. It can't be anywhere else, they should be here. The summit would be too cold for the mushrooms to grow there.

It's dawn. It's time to go back. You carry along home, with an empty basket. As you reach home, you see one of your neighbours gardening and you decided to drop by and say "Sup."

And he replied "Sup".

"What are you tending for?"

"Hillshire mushrooms".

"O."

As your soul empties your abdomen, and you shrink to a speck knowing all the walking and climbing proved to be a waste.

So, should you ask for some or go on home with an empty basket?

Scroll down for CANIHAVESOME, or CTRL+F = EMPTY BASKET

CANIHAVESOME

"Can I have some?" .

"Sure", smiled your friendly neighbour. "They started growing here since my pet started shitting in the backyard". That is why they taste like a pile of em'. I grow em just to make my yard look nice. But sure you can have some."

You laugh hesitantly at pet-shitting part, and put some in your basket.

You go home, and you give the whole basket to your mom and you're only rewarded with a hug.

All of that, be paid with only a hug, yeap.

A hug, and a nasty dinner. And suddenly, the thought of your neighbour's pet taking a dump in his backyard crosses your head, and your eye bulges O_O.

THE END.

EMPTY BASKET.

You decided to just go home with an empty basket, with reasons I cannot fathom knowing the mushrooms are just right there. But hey, it's your own ADVENCHAH, right?. Anyhoo, you go home with an empty basket, and part ways with Alfredo who wants to sleep like a slob like he is. Nevermind, he's tired. You're tired.

As you enter the house with a basket sighing out dust, your mom shouts

WHERE ARE THE MUSHROOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A knock to the head, and a benjol later, you are served with a hamburger. A fat, juicy hamburger with a healthy serving of pickles. O' well, this is infinitely better than the mushroom stew anyhoo. So, your mum's angry smug vs. the hamburger,you tell me.

THE END.