Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Toilettries Try To Treat Three To This

I'm supposed to relate this metaphor with a toilet bowl and well, the brownies we bake inside our tummies, but I might just disgust you readers to an OMGEWGROSSLIKEOMG (!) panic attack and dash the cursor to the 'X' button in one swift motion, thus the main point of this post will not be delivered, so I'm gonna replace, uhm, the brownies, nuts or no nuts, choc syrup or no choc syrup, soft or soggyyyYYEY EY EY EH OKAY STAYY RIGHT THERE PLEASE, with loo roll *in Neil Buchanan's accent.

So imagine this, you throw a loo roll into the toilet bowl (a magical one that'll never dissolve in contact of water), and you know you're supposed to flush it down, but you don't, you keep throwing loo rolls inside the toilet bowl each and every time you feel like it, but skipped the flushing part, you know you have to, but you just skip it, thinking you'll flush it down later in one go.

But when the loo rolls make a mini replica of the Everest, and you finally decide to go hell with it and push em' spiralling down into the watery abbyss, you'll just realize the effort ain't as easy as you thought.

One, you might sprain your fingers silly on the last place you'd imagine on earth, the friggin toilet pump/pedal.

Two, the heaps of loo rolls are not gonna sink in down in all grace and poise, it might get stuck, or get splopped around sloppily.

Three, if they actually did sink down, they're not gonna just spin around real fast and get sucked in like a champ like in the cartoons, where even a full bungalow get slurped in the smelly blackhole in a matter of seconds. No. It's gonna get down and jiggy with it painfully ssss-s-ss-l-looww. If the loo rolls are pizza delivery men, you might make a mini Everest replica with the free pizzas coupon too.

SO THE LESSON OF THIS SANITARY STORY IS, do not procrastinate, like me, and have unfinished blog posts in drafts, and in head, like me. BUT I WILL TRY TO FLUSH IT ALL DOWN THE NEXT POST, okay ? . Kthxilybye :D

Sunday, July 19, 2009


And of course I'm not gonna settle for this one short post, this is to be pending.

Hold up :)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Bears Breathing Beer Breath

If the 24 hour cycle is a water pipe, it surely has started to feel as if it went from just tiny drips of water to one whole raging flow. As if, day by day, year by year, the knob that controls the water flow is constantly being turned further, and further. Or like a dam, with a little leak in it's wall, that's gradually bursting open.

Damn, I'm scared.

What happened to the good ol' days of waking up to Sunday morning cartoons, and spilling cereal milk on the pajamas out of the failure of multi-tasking between watching TV and eating. To eating a proper lunch at a proper time. To drawing Earthworm Jim, to only realize much much later that it looks more like a distorted, limp male-reproductive unit in a spacesuit. To explore the various positions of riding down, or up a slide and get scabs as badges of honour. To awkwardly inviting myself to a game of football, and slip on the ball like a banana peel in an attempt to deliver the mightiest kick I could offer , right about 10 cm away from the goal. To later realizing that I am no good to the game like salt to a snail, and surrendered to the sympathetic sighs of the swings. To flail myself into the air from the swing like a catapult, and try to land as cool as possible. Yeah, getting your face covered in dirt and grass is cool alright. Then, take long showers 'til the the hands gets all pruny and wrinkly and get shit scared. To tucking the pajamas into the matching pants, pulled up sky high and not caring about testicle health. To watching badly malay voice-dubbed cartoons, and get dissappointed that the news is at 8, on every single local channel, instead of more badly Malay voice-dubbed cartoons. To getting the pajamas's sleeve stained with dinner, but still not bothered to fold it up. To not know the meaning (and to spell) of procrastination yet, by doing homeworks at 9, everyday, without fail. To sneaking up til' 12 to watch Ren And Stimpy and think how much of a bad boy I am, not following bed time and watching Powdered Toastman farting up powdered, glittery toast and the 1001 usefulness of a rubber nipple. To brushing off teeth, and still be a bad-boy and eat the toothpaste, although countless times told not too. Mmmmm, Strawberry Kodomo Lion's. And sleep.

All in the space of 24 good hours.

But now, it's all just a repeating treadmill, which keeps going on faster and faster and faster.

Goddangit, where's the time remote ?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

All Sirs Serves Shivering Sire

Oh great, I feel an ulcer, wait (!) , make it TWO ulcers coming out. Dang, I dislike them to their very inner nucleus.

Usually they pop out just like that *snap fingers. But this particular one has a story behind it's blood-red bump/crease or whatever the ulcer forms as.

One day I was eating Tandoori Chicken. Was it a good Tandoori chicken, yes it was. Like any aftermath of eating anything meat, some gonna tuck themselves comfy in between the mattress of teeth. So in one tragic attempt of taking the chicken strands out of one of the tooth, I pushed my finger in hard to pull it out, I slipped, and in one graceful motion, I accidentally scrapped a healthy lump out of my left inner cheek. FML

Although I looked kinda cool, spitting out blood, checking the wound out in the mirror, like I just got into a bar fight. But truth is, HOLY MOLLY IT F-IN HURT LIKE BEEJEEETHUS. Phew.

The scrape did not just end there, from just an uneven texture in the cheeks, it turned to a BURNINN' uneven texture in the cheeks. Also known as, ulcers.

Oh yeah, I still remember one time when I was little, I thought ulcers are some form of cancer (can
CER, and ulCER, you see. SHUTTUPP YOU THOUGHT SANTA WAS REAL) and bragged to my cousin that I've a deadly disease like my Digimon Digivolved to a cooler one than hers or something. Kids, sure are proud of the darndest things.

Sure it's annoying to constantly having a mini cactus garden in your mouth, but that's okay, you'll get used to it. But this, this made me feel like I wanna be Mr. Potato Head so I can just plug my mouth out.

You know when you give an honest, full smile, your eyes will tend to get slanted as the cheeks softly squishes your lower eyelids ? :

As so,

But when you have ulcers, you can't exactly stretch one giant smile without risking tearing those ulcers apart, unless you do it very, very slowly. But you don't stretch a big smile in slo-mo when you wanna say HI to people don't you ? . It's friggin creepy it ain't t even funny. This isn't some Bollywood blockbuster, where smiling in slow motion while playfully hiding behind trees wearing a different outfit from the one that was worn a few seconds ago, won't invite a solid punch to the face out of reflex.

So for that, you can only smile halfway, thus exerting insufficient push from the cheeks to slant the eyes. So you'll look something likeeeee,



If ever I smile like Chucky, I swear it's honestly intended for good and not having secret plants to kill you in your sleep, I sweaarrrrr. It's the f-in ulcerssss :(

Wtf, I just made a whole post on ulcers. I hope you still like my blog. I'll make a cover on the world of high fashion and celebrity gossips by next week okay ? . Please still do tune in :(

Byeee *gives the Chucky smile

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Keep The Kips Of The Keeps

You know what I should do now, I should,
Grab fistfuls of hair, clench teeth, bulge the eyes, run around in random directions, hit a head on collision to a solid metal pole, get up, dust off shirt and repeat.

But why am I still keeping this calm facade behind the monitor screen bothers me greatly too. It's like, the glare of the screen has killed all my sense of urgency.

All assignments are due today, before 5pm, and the papers downstairs are calling me, weighing me restless, like a sudden realization of forgetting to put the toilet seat down.


..I'm going to put the PC on standby in 10







..Hey, Facebook's got a new notification :D

..False alarm, stupid application alerts.

Oh yeah where was I ?

Crap, what I feel like for breakfast tomorrow ? , Wait I always wake up around lunch hour. Whatever, the first meal of the day's always breakfast, be it at 4pm.

UGHHHH, I need a shoulder to slop my snob on. And a few salty water drops from my eyess maybe. It ain't cryin, it's hyper-ventilating. Haven't you heard ? , some breathe into paperbags, I force my tear ducts out. You know how frustrating it is, to have your sneeze, or fart, canceled ? . I've learned, doing this does not subtract the burden, it multiplies. So I think I shall not force my eyeballs out, I'll just take a look in the fridge and make myself a hot cup of cacao . He he, it sounds so warm and comfy. I don't even have a cacao mix, just felt like saying that for the sake of sophistication. I've only cold plain water.Sigh, that'll do.

HOLYYYYYYY BROCOLLIII (!) , THIS TOOK HALF AN HOUR ? . UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHERE'S THE POLE, WHERE'S THE SOLID METAL POLEEEEE. Breathe. Breathe. They say the hardest part of doing something is starting it. I think I'll just grab a hold on to the pencil and see how it rolls from there. Wish me well.


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Weepy Whiff Of Whipped Whites

Pixie walked on my keyboard, whipped her poofy tail against my face, and made this :

..Good girl

Monday, July 6, 2009

What's Wyatt's Hiatus Status ?

I'm writing this with a diarrhea. My stomach sounded like a Transformers transforming, and my intestinal passage burnt like it's flowing a lava of prickly pins. Bleghkghhhghghzxxz.

So, since the size of the gap between last proper update is ginormous, expect this post to be ginormous too.

It's gonna stretch all the way to the 20th of June, 2009. Which was on a Saturday, which held Rockaway, which at first I thought was Rockabay. Take a look at how they wrote it down, you would've been a Mat Confirm* saying it's Rockabay too :

The-Inside-Joke-A-Pedia :

Inventor of word : Nabil JS

*Mat Confirm : Someone, with all his confidence, confirming, a subject of matter is correct to his/her opinion.

Eg :

Ali : Eh MOS dekat OU kan ?
Abu: Fuh kau ni memang Mat Confirm.

Moving on,
The main reason why I wanted to go was solely for Medusa, or maybe a little for the fact that my previous Saturdays sucked, so it was sorta like a redemption. But still, to see the friends you usually sit around with at Mamak's, and be temporary enemies in Left 4 Dead, to suddenly be performing at a concert of such scale, you wouldn't wanna miss it for the world.

But fate wasn't hangin' round my shoulders, I had a wedding to attend. And by the time it's finished, and my acar-buah's scented fingers typed the numbers of the ones who were going to Rockaway, pretty much everyone was already there.


Til, Aiq called me to follow along. We arrived around 4 somethin' somethin'. Medusa was the opening act, and d'uhhhbviously we missed it. Curses . Oh well, with Rockaway being a yearly thing, and how awesome the crowd responded (as told), I hope I won't miss it next year.


But here's a video of the madness :

Sponsors of the Rockaway was C2 the flavoured green tea drinks, and Roller Coaster chips among others, thus that made me lost count of how many free C2's I had downed, and for the chips, there were mountains of it hidden behind one tent, and free for anyone to take. And the chips was Kerabu Mangga flavoured, personally, I really dig it.

Aiq suddenly found a peculiar liking to, Bunkface o.o . Which lead to constant praises from him on how great their performance were, the night later.

And the coveted FAIL award goes to this :

While Love Me Butch was performing, Os crowdsurfed , and by the look of his face, he really liked it. He really liked it, that he asked for seconds. So I lift him up to the ocean of sweaty hands, I watched him being carried away by the surf, to the very end. So, I turned to him and showed a thumbs up gesture, which was silently asking "How was it man ?" . That was when Os was acting strange, he held his head and walked like he's super drunk, trying to push through the crowd. He looked f-ed up, so I trailed him along. When we finally got ourselves a place to sit, fresh Oxygen, and some ice to put on Os's head. that's when Os tell what happened. Turned out, he fell head-frikkin-first when he got off from the crowd-surfing. He said, when he walked like he was tipsy, he could only see pitch-black. Holy crepe. I did put my hand on the back of Os's head later, and Goddamn, the bump was ENORMOUS. For the rest of the day, Os looked traumatized. Poor dude.

Then on 21st of June, Sunday

It was Father's Day, Happy Father's Day PA ! :D . And it was Go Skate Day too. And for that, me, Matt, Adrie, Nabil and Aiq went to this spot right beside Suria KLCC . Quite a number of skaters were already there. We skated there for a while, til' Abang Organizer (inside joke) , brought the idea of a skate tour round' KL . So we did, bunch of adrenaline-fueled kids, on skateboards, riding around the streets of Kuala Lumpur. One of our stops were the infamous spot, right infront of BB's Maybank, where on Saturdays, bunch of shufflers would grace their presence, Pavillion, KLCC's park, inside KLCC itself and others.

So here's my tribute :

A Tre/360 flip FAIL

And on top of that, I am currently wallet-less and phoneless. I've backtracked, rummaged and turned the house inside out, upside down, but to no avail, it was out of sight. Damn. It's not the money in it I'm worried about (there was only around 2 bucks if im not mistaken), it's about redoing everything, for the SECOND FRIGGINNN TIMEEE) . Breathe. Control the diameter of flared nostrils. Imagine running through a field of daisies chasing the other end of the rainbow. Repeat every time the sight of screwed phone passes line of vision.

I shall continue some other time. I shall spare your eyelids some mercy. (y)