Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Witch Leeched My Sandwich, B-tch (!)

I've so much in my head that it's not even funny. I don't even know where to start, but that's nowhere near as deadly as me not knowing where to stop. With exaggerations running in my veins, and procrastination made everything accumulate, expect this one to be a long read. And I mean, a really LONGGGGGG one. Go grab a coffee or something, Caffeine is good to keep you awake throughout this whole thing, and the song, if it's not helping, yes you may pause it. So here I go :)

One Saturday, I went to my friend's birthday party, Syafique. And with gathered complaints on the massive thickness of Bob, and wishes to see a major make-over. I decided, on the afternoon itself to thin Bob for all it's mercy. I've watched once on E!, about the Do's and Dont's of wedding whatnots, and one of em was, DO NOT, get a haircut (or a tan) before the big thing. Sigh. Sure, Bob looked fine after it's all blown dry and all. But towards the end of the day, when mysteriously Bob dried up like the Sahara, it looked like, I'm sorry Bob,..shiat. But enough about Bob, it's about the party. It was a COSTUME party. How we got our costumes, (US meaning me, Matt, Nabil, Izhar, Adrie, Amir, and Aiman) is a little bit random, with a tinge of coincidence. They wanted to hang around first and buy some ciggies, since the party hasn't started yet, then we saw, our costumes, settling nicely in plastic eggs.
(Ala, mesin tikam tu) . 50 cents were inserted, and there we go, our costumes, handsome, fluffy, MOUSTACHES :D . Of various thickness and shapes. Oh did we look smashing. Nabil look like some Mexican, only he was missing a Sombrero. Matt looked like a 70's dad. I, well they said, looked like Dave Grohl, ehehe :") . Well the moustache looked like it really grew on Izhar's upper lip, it looked so naturale. Adrie, too, looked, like a mexican mofo. Amir, looked like a Dato' , and Aiman, with his moustache to be only in the shades of light gray, looked like a grandpa, a cranky one. I don't have a picture tho, but my college friend happened to be the photographer, so I'll post em here the moment I get em :) . There were live bands, or a Monoxide reunion gig as I saw it as. The beef chops were delish tho. Oh the best costume had to be, Syaf's mum. She was Fred Flinstone with a rainbow fro :D .

Oh shit, this is only the first bit of the whole sandwich. I'll try my outmost best to shorten the rest below.

Then, the next day, Sunday is ANOTHER birthday. Tira Ben 10's :) . But the story did not start directly at the party. Earlier the day, I was rehearsing, for something, which I will elaborate on the next paragraph, fret not ;) . I bought a plain slip-ons from Summit, to doodle on for a present. So in the time gap of only 3 hours, wait make it 2, slept the, soon regretted, first hour off. So, as I stare semi proudly on the XLR8 painted on those shoes, I remembered I've to get ready, as Mus was about to fetch me. Mus was already on his way, and I've only switched on the hairdryer to prep Bob off. Bob was in, a VERY, very bad shape at the time, a few minutes would not do any justice anyhow. Sigh. Why did I ever had that haircut. Bob was bad, now it's bloody worse. So whatever. Kota Kemuning, doesn't have the friendliest roads, that's fer sure. We had to go over, err, I've lost count, roundabouts to just end up at the starting line, that's in the form of a signboard that wrote "Kota Kemuning(straight), Kemuning Utama(left). Finally, when we're there, the amount of people present, made me to pretend I was tying my shoes when infact the knots were just fine, just so, the time for me to go inside, is prolonged. That pre-party awkwardness, I hate that. So, then, the normal party works, I ate, I tried not to spill anything, Tried to brush off that feeling of stink-eyes are watching my every move. Oh, one conversation with this one lady, made me to confirm "That's it, Bob you're going off" . Damn. At least Tira loved the shoes :) . Oh and thankyouuu for the rock hard, frozen Segi's Valentine cookie :)

From this

To this :)

Tira, the birthday girl and Utt :)

Wow it's only story no.3 , and it's already as long as how long I took to know that lingerie is pronounced as lounge-a-ray, rather than, linger-rie. That was unecessary, I know.

And what was on on Monday, was what I was rehearsing for. A small play for Mus's assignment. Now get this, there were two actors, me, a boy, and Mus's sister, a girl. And the character we had to play was, Cat Lady, an old female granny, and Alex, a male pervert. Now by the stressing of gender, with tinges of sarcasm, I know you can already guess, which played which. Yes, mother of mercy, I WAS THE SAGGY SOOMAKAH, CAT LADY. And Mus's sister was Alex. Oh the irony. As that sounded bad enough, my ever so creative friend, asked us to wear COSTUMES, YEAYY :D . I shaved off every living life out my stubble just so I would fit the part, I had painted on wrinkles, and here's the classic part, I had to wear a baju kurung, a kain batik, and a selendang, that rests lightly on my head to reveal a front portion of beehive Bob, just like a Mak Datin. Don't forget the croaky accent. Mercy was given more, on Mus's sister where she had only to put on a cap, and a painted moustache, and a beard. YES, I HAVE PICTURES AND A FEW VIDEOS IN MY PHONE :D , but hell no it's going on the net ! , and if you're good with the negotiation, I've to hold your phone just so you won't abuse the magic of Bluetooth. I acted like a nut anyways, with plenty of stutters and brief amnesia moments. But for the sake of paving my memory lane, oh what the heck :) . Then, the lecturer treated us all at Mamak Village. The lecturer reeked of charisma and witty wisdom, with his Utara slang and few missing teeth, his stories, even on snooze-level topics like politics, he made it funny :)


Azlan, Epic Failure, Mus the scarily creative director, Scarily creative director's sister

Okay story number four's done. I shall squeeze in just one more, just one last bit. Go wash your face or something.

And on Tuesday, I went to Segi to help Azlan for his side project. Damn, Segi was so empty I could've almost imagine that dust-twig-brush ball that usually rolls on a desserted cowboy town, rolling on Segi's polished tiles. I had to act, and wear costumes again, hm alright, it was only a mask. But still, it was a mask of a lower half of a mutated human rhino. I wanted to wear Mus's own made Joey Jordison's mask. Damn, you made me into a wrinkly weezer, and still, blegh, nvm :P . Hahaa. So, it was basically an extension of the play I acted in on Monday (the same script applied even to Azlan, and other I-forgot-the-name-of-the-course's students). J, a new friend I made that day, was this maniac court jester crook (complete with a masquerade, and matching antics) . So, what I was basically, an accomplice who finally betrays what J acted as, along with Azlan and Mus, which at the end of the thing, beat the life out of J. I was also responsible for flicking the lights, on and off 8) . Sure, it was a wrap for the play, but not a wrap for my day ;) . Then, later that night, me, Mus and Faye, randomly had a crazy idea. Mus and Faye took turns to wear Joey's mask, and I was still stuck with the rhino retard look, but that's okay, noone would recognize me anyhow, and we terrorized the streets of PJ, while in the comfort of the car's leather seats 8) . We peeked our heads out and turn to cars beside us, and we : 1) Made a chinese old man smile 2) Made a guy to pretend to not see us, and to cover up his chicken feathers, he shakily bopped his head to some radio song in shivers and made a phone call without his lips even moving 3)Made UM girls in a Kancil to screaaaammm and slow the Kancil drastically down 4)Made an indian woman scream with bulged eyes, to a standstill 5) Made a bus driver roll down his window, slowly revealing his confused look, and his moustache 6)Made an awkward conversation with a macho indian "Mat Kereta" , which soon zoomed off as quick as hell the moment the traffic light's green. To calm down the insane laughter session, we decided to cool off with a sheesha at Faris Advanced :)

Slipknot new lineup, HarHar

Played drums upside down.

Why ?

Actually, I still some little bits and pieces to spill on here, but to shed some mercy, I'll spare it for another post. Thanks for reading, to those who did not give up hope. I hope this won't happen again, I mean, sandwich-ing all my posts in one oversized blob. Peace :)